mstrust

So I was laying (or lying, I never know which one to use) here still awake for who knows what reason and I was playing some Words With Friends on Facebook when, for the second time this evening/morning, my addict brother pops up messaging me. Earlier tonight, he asked me if I know of any rehabs. He has been, he knows. I'm thinking it's fishy, but I answer the questions and I keep it simple and short. Fast forward to about fifteen minutes ago. I get another message. This time it's him asking me to get him $40...like now...as in, 3am...because he "owes it to some kid and he's p***ed off and he's calling the house." (As in, my parents' house, where he leeches.) I, of course, said a big fat NO WAY and told him he was ridiculous and to get help yesterday.

Between he and my boyfriend/ex-boyfriend--whatever he is/isn't--I want to rip my hair out. Lies...lies...lies...manipulation...lies.

I can't do anything about it, I know. It just infuriates me to no end. That right there is bad enough--that I let it infuriate me. I need to get a grip on my own emotions. I've been like a runaway train lately.

I think it's time to sleep.

Ann

I'm sorry he wasn't sincere about rehab, and sadly I know how you feel.

Part of the "pre-manipulation" performance my son used to do was "I have stayed clean today and made some calls to rehabs, just waiting to hear back from them now. By the way, I need to pick up some toiletries to take with me when I go, could you lend me $40?" It always seemed to be multiples of $20, and that was a giveaway every time. $20, $40, $60 = lies, lies, more lies.

It just shows us how very sick they are. Clean and sober, they wouldn't dream of behaving like that.

So we pray for them, because we cannot save them. I pray each morning knowing that God can do for my son what I cannot. God's just waiting for my son to ask. Even God doesn't interfere because He's not a codie.

Hugs

FindingErica

I always feel sick in my stomach when I have any kind of contact with my sister. I immediately know a manipulation is soon to follow. It was good you refused to help. Probably really frustrating to hear he was trying to call your parents. My sisters tried and true scam on my dad is to ask for money for a bus pass so she can get around town. You can block him on Facebook.

outtolunch

The only thing any of us control is our reaction.

Have you considered getting some professional help to learn how to establish healthy emotional boundaries with people who lie to and try to manipulate you ?

EJG123

Sometimes it's best to just turn off your phone at night.

mstrust

I generally silence my phone at night.

I am in therapy. Reading Codependent No More. Doing the activities. Writing and reading on here. All Cynical One's Blogs. Etc. and so on.

I'm learning how to establish better boundaries and take care of myself and put all that into practice, bit by bit. I'm 38 and I've spent a long time dealing with things in unproductive ways without even realizing it, necessarily...so it will take me more than a few months to completely undo.

The point of my post was just venting, which I think is a normal, healthy thing to do...and actually helps me from having overly emotional reactions toward the people who I'm establishing my boundaries for or with or whatever. I posted on here immediately after that interaction with my brother--which was via email--after NOT freaking out at him. I know I posted an angry "smiley", but I didn't consider it a crisis.

sojourner

mstrust: you're doing all the right things to move you through this - meetings, books, counseling, etc. Keep up that good work!

is it possible to block him from Facebook or from him being able to see that you are online or from him being able to send you messages instantly. I'm sure you get on there to relax and get your mind off things by playing games, etc., - and yet at the same time you are the most vulnerable to your brother's searching to-and-fro for a mark!

mstrust

yes...i could block him, but i won't. he sent me a private email while i was trying to relax just playing games and messing around. i did want to believe the bull about rehab, but at the same time, i had a feeling. if this happens again, i will probably just listen to my gut and ignore. if he ever is serious about rehab, i would support him though. and if he is every serious, i'm sure it will be obvious. and in case anyone was confused or wondering, no, there is NO WAY i would ever give him money. NO WAY.