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I need some advice...please

Old 10-12-2012, 02:46 PM
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I need some advice...please

I need some advice. So you all know I did all I could for my AEXBF, help him buy a car all the good stuff, so his now current GF, caused me to lose my job she called the company I was working for and told them I was dating an employee (at the time he was already fired for payroll integrity, he was steeling company's time but we meet while we were both employees) we did a good job at keeping it private but she ratted me out and I got fired, so I am taking my ex to court for the unpaid car bill and the overdraft on our account, but should and could I do anything about her making me lose my job? (i know it's a good question to ask my lawyer but I have no money right now so...)
I am just very upset that he is now working again I cannot find work here they are carrying on their lives living with someone for free, free car and I am struggling to keep up with my bills. I just wish he would somehow end up paying for this like going to prison or worst.... there I said it I am soo very highly upset. I am sorry
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Old 10-12-2012, 02:59 PM
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Well, personally, I would move on, try to find a new job, IMO you would be wasting your time trying to sue her, you knew the company rules, you knowlingly violated them.

You have an uphill battle as it is, you had a joint acccount with him, thus he had full access to it, at best, he would be liable for half of the overdraft, the car, well, even if you get a judgement, you will have to be able to collect on it...not an easy task.

I agree, it is a real mess, one that I hope you will avoid in the future. If you haven't done so, I would recommend that you read Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie.

It is not so much the circumstances we are involved in...it's how we handle them.
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Old 10-12-2012, 03:33 PM
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I agree, Broken, cut your losses and move on and just let go of all the resentment because it will eat you alive if you carry it around with you.

It doesn't matter what he did or what she did, it is what it is and you are where you are.

Grab yourself a fabulous new job girl and be glad to leave the chaos behind.

We're rooting for you.

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Old 10-12-2012, 03:57 PM
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This should be the codependent mantra, I used to say it all the time and didn't know why it kept happening in my life:

"No good deed goes unpunished"

I thought of that when I read your post. It is because we make horrible choices in people to invest in. The Bible has a fitting verse, "Do not cast your pearls before swine." Unfortunately, this is a horrible time of intense learning but I bet you emerge stronger and more sure of yourself. Everything AH has taken from me or made me give up out if necessity or fear, has actually been a blessing in disguise moving me forward, making me be stronger. What was intended for evil may end up being a blessing to you.
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Old 10-12-2012, 04:37 PM
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Thanks guys,
I did hate my old job but it helped with the bills, thank God I have support from family now and I am just about done with my Masters so I know I will find a better job. As for him and his 6 degrees (whatever they are, 1. Addication, 2. Manipulation, 3. Coning ...) he will never be able to hold down a decent job as for her she will never even try to get one....Its just difficult seeing him being able to move on so freely...but I guess you are right I did what I felt was right at the time trying to help someone I love to get ahead in life, but whatever happens happens...
I do feel like the better person for doing what I did, I know I did it with a good heart and for the best intend for him...hopefully he will see that one day and be grateful for all I did for him.

dollydo- I did break the companys rule so there is nothing I can do for that..
Ann- thanks I am trying as hard as I can to move on and just let go of all the resentment because it is eating me alive it feels liive i am carrying around a 5 tons weight on my cheat at all times.
And Erica- you have been so inspiring. i do know that I can survive anything now and better yet I know I deserve better and I will never make that mistake again I will let go at the first sign of trouble, I will not try to fix or make anyone love me.

I am so grateful I found this site, sometimes I feel it the best part of my day...
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Old 10-12-2012, 05:31 PM
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Broken, I don't know if you've ever tried any meetings, Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that are about "us" and finding our balance and learning healthier ways to live. They have helped many of us find clarity again and they may help you. Maybe give them a try.

I know it hurt to let this go, it's more than the relationship, it's your dreams too. But I promise you that this dream would become a nightmare very soon if not already.

Good things await you when you get to new beginnings. You sound like you have a good education and you will have a promising life. Don't sell yourself short, you deserve someone who will bring as much to a relationship as you do, and that will include trust and good health.

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Old 10-12-2012, 07:12 PM
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Hey Ann no I have not tried any of the meetings but I do intend to, I am reading Beyond Codependency And Getting Better All the Time by Melody Beattie ( I did not find Codependent No More) and I have read all the stickys at the top. I am happy that he is out of my life and I DO NOT want him in it in any way, shape or form. I just get angry to see him "doing well" (I don't know if he is) while I struggle. I do have a good education and I have plans to get my Phd some time soon, my dream were shattered but I do beleive that that dream would have turned into a nightmare ( actually it was already a nightmare with his ex constantly interrupting our life even when he was not communicating with her and all his lies and manipulations and the constant fear of worry when he is going to turn back to her and his addiction)
Again thank you all for the support and I will continue to work on my recovery.
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