LoveMeNow

"If endings symbolize beginnings, why are the goodbyes so hard to say?"

I know my marriage is just about over. I am accepting that. I have been working hard to detach. I have been working hard on me, my fears, and my anxieties.

I cry for what was. I cry for what should of have been. I cry at the thought of closing this chapter in my life. I have struggled with saying good bye and doing what is best for me.

I know it will be hard and scary to start over but I am starting to feel somewhat excited about what my future will hold for me. I know I am going to be OK. I will not look for a man to rescue me. I will allow God to be the pilot of my life and I will happily be the co-pilot.

I will continue to pray that he can stay clean for his sake and the sake of our kids. But knowing what I know now, I do not want to have a partnership with an addict, even if he is working on his "recovery." The trust is gone, never to be regained. The 10% statics are just not high enough for me!

I am letting go and letting God - One day at a time!

mrsbrownie

(((((hugs)))))

Vale

((((more hugs)))))

crazybabie

Hugs LMN, your right you will be OK after all look at who your pilot is.

FindingErica

Ive found long goodbyes to be the hardest and that is what you are in right now. You are both in the same home and it is easy to fall into familiar routines, to be reminded of better days. I felt that just that one day I let AH into the house. We were all hanging out in the living room, and it was like we are a family again. Of course he had also done some really annoying stuff too that day. I think still being in the house with him is making goodbye harder.

Supersarah

More ((((hugs))))
I've just been through this, about 100 days since I told him to leave. It gets easier- not all the time but the sad/bad days get less and the happy days more frequent. It still hurts. I still mourn the loss of my marriage, our love, our family. Mostly I can see a brighter future. Still, no one would choose this path.
Wishing you strength in these trying times, xx sarah

LoveMeNow

FindingErica, I tried your plan. I set up a move to another state so I could back out when he was already there. For some reason, he wouldn't go for it. lmaoooo!!

paintedxpheonix

+hugs+ Just hang in there and know you will make it. I have faith.

bluebelle

Sending hugs and prayers to you.