new to site...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 27
new to site...
Hi,
Came upon this website by googling about drug addictions.
Don't know where or how to start. So many emotions in the last month and half.
So here's my story - Several yrs ago I found some vicodin in a sock drawer. Asked about it and was told its for back and knee pain that he got from guy at work. He (husband) worked construction. Sometime later found some more, same story. Wasn't too worried, figured it was no big deal.
About yr ago, I started feeling like something is wrong. Asked about it, whether something was going on and got a response of no, your feelings are off.. haha.. Now Living in our own place, he works as driver for car transporting company, goes long haul. month and half ago, found glass pipe in napkin and inside a sock under the bathroom sink. (there are things that happened in between but to type it all down will take forever) Maybe in the back of my mind I finally knew what was going on but still I had no idea and it hit me hard.
I couldn't stop shaking. Confronted him. He said it was his friends.. blah blah blah, I knew it was a lie, but talking to him was FRUSTERATING!
Same day hour later, catch him pop a pill (his back was turned to me but I still saw) I confront him on the spot, and he said he didn't take anything, what am I talking about? O MY GOODNESS. Are you serious!? I saw it with my own eyes and he STILL denied it.
The next few days were me crying my head off and talking to him (I was on maternity leave and he was between trips at home) More denials. Was like talking to a wall. No emotions. Didn't seem to care that I was hurting, worried, crying and felt like my world has collapsed. He soon left on another work trip. I was at loss on what to do, I prayed. Texted my sisters to pray. Decided this was not the situation where I can afford to wait. I had googled alot and read alot online and it even scared me more. All I could see is my husband as a drug addict like in the movies where all they care about and do is drugs.
Decided to ask both of our families to pray. Told husband thats what I was going to do and he said if I told his family, he would pack his things and take off, never come back. So I told him I wouldn't tell details but say that we have a crisis and need major prayers. So I'm at mother in laws house and after a bit, say that I wanted to talk to her and before I finish my sentence, she tells me that she wants to talk to me too... My heart starts pounding faster and faster and I start to tremble. we walk outside as there was others in the house. And she asks me whats wrong. I tell her I don't know where to start. And she asks me straight out - Is he using drugs?
When I heard that, feeling was so weird. I felt soooooo much relief that she knew. But also what she told me, just shocked me. I couldn't function for awhile after that. Apparently someone had been stealing their medicine. (his dad dad terminal cancer and his mom had back surgery. His dad passed away about 2 weeks before this talk with mother in law). And they came to realize that it was him. So they knew. At that point I told her about the glass pipe and everything I knew.. She also didn't know what to do, but decided to wait until he gets back from work to talk to him.
I of course, impatient, call him every chance I get and talk to him, trying to get him to at least admit his problem. Day or two of that and I chose a different approach. Instead of asking him, I told him I KNEW he has a problem. Eventually he stopped denying it. And answered alot of my questions. Whether he told the truth or not, I don't know. Up until a year ago, I know he's been honest in general, as I've checked up on him and it was always true. He's not an angry person. Very easy going. very nice to me. Treats me pretty good. He never yells at me. (yes seriously) Didn't show many emotions but aren't most men like that? (not sharing their feelings)
So he came home from his trip and he said he quit everything. (He had said that he's been taking all kinds of pain meds mostly oxycontin and some extascy. And for about 5 mths crack on and off. States he is not really addicted to the crack.) When I ask him why hes using he never had good answer. And said he used the pain meds for energy. Its so hard to understand all this and even worse because to get something out of him is like pulling teeth.
The next day I guess he started the withdrawl, from what I read online, it seems to be that. Even then I didn't realize it until the next day evening. He was in bed all day, almost didn't speak at all. Same with next day, and when I realized that was withdrawl, I felt bad for him and massaged his legs and we went for a walk with the kids. He barely made it home and collapsed on the bed. Nights I could tell he wasn't sleeping well. this lasted about 4 days, with 2 of them being really bad. And then it got better from then. Its been about 4 weeks now. I am having doubts. It seems too easy. His mom thinks so too. (she had talked to him earlier but don't know if that made any difference) He doesn't like when I bring up the whole drugs thing and doesn't want to "talk" about it. Said he quit and thats it. Should I believe him? Could it have been that easy (he says it wasn't that easy as the withdrawl phase was very hard for him). But to me it seemed easy. Please reply with your thoughts on this. The more I read, the more depressed and hopeless I get. thank you
Came upon this website by googling about drug addictions.
Don't know where or how to start. So many emotions in the last month and half.
So here's my story - Several yrs ago I found some vicodin in a sock drawer. Asked about it and was told its for back and knee pain that he got from guy at work. He (husband) worked construction. Sometime later found some more, same story. Wasn't too worried, figured it was no big deal.
About yr ago, I started feeling like something is wrong. Asked about it, whether something was going on and got a response of no, your feelings are off.. haha.. Now Living in our own place, he works as driver for car transporting company, goes long haul. month and half ago, found glass pipe in napkin and inside a sock under the bathroom sink. (there are things that happened in between but to type it all down will take forever) Maybe in the back of my mind I finally knew what was going on but still I had no idea and it hit me hard.
I couldn't stop shaking. Confronted him. He said it was his friends.. blah blah blah, I knew it was a lie, but talking to him was FRUSTERATING!
Same day hour later, catch him pop a pill (his back was turned to me but I still saw) I confront him on the spot, and he said he didn't take anything, what am I talking about? O MY GOODNESS. Are you serious!? I saw it with my own eyes and he STILL denied it.
The next few days were me crying my head off and talking to him (I was on maternity leave and he was between trips at home) More denials. Was like talking to a wall. No emotions. Didn't seem to care that I was hurting, worried, crying and felt like my world has collapsed. He soon left on another work trip. I was at loss on what to do, I prayed. Texted my sisters to pray. Decided this was not the situation where I can afford to wait. I had googled alot and read alot online and it even scared me more. All I could see is my husband as a drug addict like in the movies where all they care about and do is drugs.
Decided to ask both of our families to pray. Told husband thats what I was going to do and he said if I told his family, he would pack his things and take off, never come back. So I told him I wouldn't tell details but say that we have a crisis and need major prayers. So I'm at mother in laws house and after a bit, say that I wanted to talk to her and before I finish my sentence, she tells me that she wants to talk to me too... My heart starts pounding faster and faster and I start to tremble. we walk outside as there was others in the house. And she asks me whats wrong. I tell her I don't know where to start. And she asks me straight out - Is he using drugs?
When I heard that, feeling was so weird. I felt soooooo much relief that she knew. But also what she told me, just shocked me. I couldn't function for awhile after that. Apparently someone had been stealing their medicine. (his dad dad terminal cancer and his mom had back surgery. His dad passed away about 2 weeks before this talk with mother in law). And they came to realize that it was him. So they knew. At that point I told her about the glass pipe and everything I knew.. She also didn't know what to do, but decided to wait until he gets back from work to talk to him.
I of course, impatient, call him every chance I get and talk to him, trying to get him to at least admit his problem. Day or two of that and I chose a different approach. Instead of asking him, I told him I KNEW he has a problem. Eventually he stopped denying it. And answered alot of my questions. Whether he told the truth or not, I don't know. Up until a year ago, I know he's been honest in general, as I've checked up on him and it was always true. He's not an angry person. Very easy going. very nice to me. Treats me pretty good. He never yells at me. (yes seriously) Didn't show many emotions but aren't most men like that? (not sharing their feelings)
So he came home from his trip and he said he quit everything. (He had said that he's been taking all kinds of pain meds mostly oxycontin and some extascy. And for about 5 mths crack on and off. States he is not really addicted to the crack.) When I ask him why hes using he never had good answer. And said he used the pain meds for energy. Its so hard to understand all this and even worse because to get something out of him is like pulling teeth.
The next day I guess he started the withdrawl, from what I read online, it seems to be that. Even then I didn't realize it until the next day evening. He was in bed all day, almost didn't speak at all. Same with next day, and when I realized that was withdrawl, I felt bad for him and massaged his legs and we went for a walk with the kids. He barely made it home and collapsed on the bed. Nights I could tell he wasn't sleeping well. this lasted about 4 days, with 2 of them being really bad. And then it got better from then. Its been about 4 weeks now. I am having doubts. It seems too easy. His mom thinks so too. (she had talked to him earlier but don't know if that made any difference) He doesn't like when I bring up the whole drugs thing and doesn't want to "talk" about it. Said he quit and thats it. Should I believe him? Could it have been that easy (he says it wasn't that easy as the withdrawl phase was very hard for him). But to me it seemed easy. Please reply with your thoughts on this. The more I read, the more depressed and hopeless I get. thank you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 27
A few more things
From last yr around november to now, he's lost some weight. Not drastic but noticable to me. He's having diharrea ( i know because I've seen alot of anti-diharrea OTC meds)
Ughhh, why me!?
From last yr around november to now, he's lost some weight. Not drastic but noticable to me. He's having diharrea ( i know because I've seen alot of anti-diharrea OTC meds)
Ughhh, why me!?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Souper welcome to SR.
I am so sorry you are going through this and I really hope and pray that he will now be on a better path, but sadly, it often takes more than one try to get off the drugs...doesn't mean it will for him, but often it does.
Take a read around and make yourself comfortable. Read the sticky posts at the top of this forum, there is a lot of helpful information there.
If you haven't tried any meetings, maybe check in your area. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us here, and they are about US and helping us regain our balance as we move forward with or without our addict still in our life.
My son is my addicted loved one, so I know your pain and his mother's pain too. I will keep you all in my prayers.
Hugs
I am so sorry you are going through this and I really hope and pray that he will now be on a better path, but sadly, it often takes more than one try to get off the drugs...doesn't mean it will for him, but often it does.
Take a read around and make yourself comfortable. Read the sticky posts at the top of this forum, there is a lot of helpful information there.
If you haven't tried any meetings, maybe check in your area. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us here, and they are about US and helping us regain our balance as we move forward with or without our addict still in our life.
My son is my addicted loved one, so I know your pain and his mother's pain too. I will keep you all in my prayers.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 27
He's pretty normal now, how can it get worse?
I started my story "new to site" earlier.You can read it if you're interested or to know what I am talking about.
So now I'm wondering how bad can it get? I mean I don't want him addicted to anything but he is. Now how bad can it get with pain pills? He seems to be acting pretty "normal". He is home everynight (except when he leaves for work long haul truck driver) And before the truck job, he always came home. He said he never cheated. He admits the drug stuff but absolutely denies any cheating what so ever. Says he watched porn few time.. At this point I've lost all trust and I don't belive ANY thing he says but I do kind of think that he might be telling the truth about not cheating. I have not seen anything to think that he is. So maybe he's not. And how am I to know if he's using anything again?
So now I'm wondering how bad can it get? I mean I don't want him addicted to anything but he is. Now how bad can it get with pain pills? He seems to be acting pretty "normal". He is home everynight (except when he leaves for work long haul truck driver) And before the truck job, he always came home. He said he never cheated. He admits the drug stuff but absolutely denies any cheating what so ever. Says he watched porn few time.. At this point I've lost all trust and I don't belive ANY thing he says but I do kind of think that he might be telling the truth about not cheating. I have not seen anything to think that he is. So maybe he's not. And how am I to know if he's using anything again?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Souper both threads are merged together here as it is confusing to have two threads running at the same time about the same issue.
Please know we care, and members can respond better on one thread for now.
Please know we care, and members can respond better on one thread for now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
It's terrifying to me to think that someone driving a semi-truck is under the influence of drugs. My guess is that it can get very, very bad.
As for the pills, my sister started with pills, Oxys, but then graduated to heroin because pills are so expensive on the street. I think that's a pretty common progression.
When you don't know which way is up anymore, and you're constantly wondering "is he? or isn't he?" I think it can be helpful to focus not on the drugs, but rather on the behaviors themselves. Potential drug use aside, are you okay with not trusting him, or him not speaking to you about his feelings or issues? Define what you want in a relationship, and then see if this one is meeting those needs. If it is, you're in a good place right now, if it isn't, then you can start to identify things that you might be able to change to improve your emotional well being.
I hope he really has stopped abusing drugs, but there's no way to ever really know; but know this: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. That's why it's more effective to focus on those things we can control: ourselves, and our reaction to those around us. I'm sorry for what brought you here, but welcome to the forum.
As for the pills, my sister started with pills, Oxys, but then graduated to heroin because pills are so expensive on the street. I think that's a pretty common progression.
When you don't know which way is up anymore, and you're constantly wondering "is he? or isn't he?" I think it can be helpful to focus not on the drugs, but rather on the behaviors themselves. Potential drug use aside, are you okay with not trusting him, or him not speaking to you about his feelings or issues? Define what you want in a relationship, and then see if this one is meeting those needs. If it is, you're in a good place right now, if it isn't, then you can start to identify things that you might be able to change to improve your emotional well being.
I hope he really has stopped abusing drugs, but there's no way to ever really know; but know this: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. That's why it's more effective to focus on those things we can control: ourselves, and our reaction to those around us. I'm sorry for what brought you here, but welcome to the forum.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Driving a car/truck under the influence is like holding a loaded gun in your hands, it can go off at anytime, driving an 18 wheeler is like having a loaded cannon mounted on the dashboard....scarey ay best. I, too, hope that he is clean and sober, before he kills himself or someone else.
As for whether it can get worse...oh yes, this is a progressive disease that has no cure, left
untreated it will get worse.
I would suggest that you read all the stickeys at the top of this forum and Codependent No
More by Melodie Beattie plus attend meetings, it will help.
Keep posting, we are here for you.
As for whether it can get worse...oh yes, this is a progressive disease that has no cure, left
untreated it will get worse.
I would suggest that you read all the stickeys at the top of this forum and Codependent No
More by Melodie Beattie plus attend meetings, it will help.
Keep posting, we are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Welcome to SR, Souper.
At the top of this page you'll see a horizontal blue bar. Click "Search" .
In the search box, type in "To Callie and All Other Spouses"
You will find a very informative thread from member "bval," an opioid addict. It runs several pages.
Addictive disease is a permanent condition. It is likely your husband will act out in the future. Addicts can move from drug to drug, or from drugs to addictive behaviors (gambling addiction, sex addiction).
Treatment is available to him. 12-step meetings and sponsors are available to him. He will have to come to a point of hopelessness about his life, most probably, to seek any help. As long as an addict can juggle the drug life and the home/job life, he will keep using. He is in love with it.
You say that he does not yell at you and he treats you pretty well.
But if you ever try to come between him and the drug when he is craving or when he is heading out on a run, he will turn on you and it can be very very hurtful.
Already you are starting the codependent pattern of pleading with him, crying, breaking down, and already he has started the addict pattern of cold withdrawal and lying when he feels threatened by someone who wants him to stop using. We here can tell you that for many spouses of addicts, that scene can play for years if no one seeks outside help and the addict continues using.
Can you afford to see an addictions counselor who works with family members? Because you need to not be alone with this.
We are glad you found SR. There is so much information here. Please post whenever you need support.
At the top of this page you'll see a horizontal blue bar. Click "Search" .
In the search box, type in "To Callie and All Other Spouses"
You will find a very informative thread from member "bval," an opioid addict. It runs several pages.
Addictive disease is a permanent condition. It is likely your husband will act out in the future. Addicts can move from drug to drug, or from drugs to addictive behaviors (gambling addiction, sex addiction).
Treatment is available to him. 12-step meetings and sponsors are available to him. He will have to come to a point of hopelessness about his life, most probably, to seek any help. As long as an addict can juggle the drug life and the home/job life, he will keep using. He is in love with it.
You say that he does not yell at you and he treats you pretty well.
But if you ever try to come between him and the drug when he is craving or when he is heading out on a run, he will turn on you and it can be very very hurtful.
Already you are starting the codependent pattern of pleading with him, crying, breaking down, and already he has started the addict pattern of cold withdrawal and lying when he feels threatened by someone who wants him to stop using. We here can tell you that for many spouses of addicts, that scene can play for years if no one seeks outside help and the addict continues using.
Can you afford to see an addictions counselor who works with family members? Because you need to not be alone with this.
We are glad you found SR. There is so much information here. Please post whenever you need support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 528
Hi Souper,
My AH came home every night, worked, claimed he never cheated. Also watched porn. Then he started losing employment. Still claims he never cheated. I found exchanges with two girls he was having over to the house on the nights i worked. A beautician and a masseuse. So he was getting his hair cut and massages? He wrote a message to the beautician to meet him someplace with our kids and her kid, told her he was showing up wasted and to bring her bathing suit, he would be getting her high when she got there. With kids!!! I cant prove or disprove that he cheated. He may never have done the deed, but I suspect if that is the case it is only because there were no takers.
My AH came home every night, worked, claimed he never cheated. Also watched porn. Then he started losing employment. Still claims he never cheated. I found exchanges with two girls he was having over to the house on the nights i worked. A beautician and a masseuse. So he was getting his hair cut and massages? He wrote a message to the beautician to meet him someplace with our kids and her kid, told her he was showing up wasted and to bring her bathing suit, he would be getting her high when she got there. With kids!!! I cant prove or disprove that he cheated. He may never have done the deed, but I suspect if that is the case it is only because there were no takers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 27
Thank you for the responses.
He says he didn't take drugs everyday and especially not when he was driving.
I am so overwhelmed and consumed with this problem lately. I don't know what to think or believe. I can't seem to even think clearly. I want to be able to understand it somewhat. I realize that I can't do anything except pray for him. We're both believers. He does believe that God can break him free from this but I don't see him really working on that (as in reading the Bible or praying)
Some of the things I don't understand - How does this whole drug thing work? I mean do you need to take it everyday? Is it still a problem/addiction if you don't take it everyday? Is it even possible to not take something everyday? His mother told me that alot of pills were missing from their house. So that makes me think- if he's at a point that he will STEAL from his own family And all the lying to me. Then its seems very unlikely that he would be able to just quit now that we (me &his mom) know that he's doing this. Ugh, I am lost. Would appreciate more insight and others experiences and what you guys think. I'm scared to think that this could progress to heroin. I don't want this to destroy my family.
Another thing I don't understand - If the diharrea is a withdrawl symptom.. How does that work? He takes a pill. He feels high/good. It wears off. He gets withdrawl symptoms? Then he takes more pills?... Am I correct? Is that the cycle?
He says he didn't take drugs everyday and especially not when he was driving.
I am so overwhelmed and consumed with this problem lately. I don't know what to think or believe. I can't seem to even think clearly. I want to be able to understand it somewhat. I realize that I can't do anything except pray for him. We're both believers. He does believe that God can break him free from this but I don't see him really working on that (as in reading the Bible or praying)
Some of the things I don't understand - How does this whole drug thing work? I mean do you need to take it everyday? Is it still a problem/addiction if you don't take it everyday? Is it even possible to not take something everyday? His mother told me that alot of pills were missing from their house. So that makes me think- if he's at a point that he will STEAL from his own family And all the lying to me. Then its seems very unlikely that he would be able to just quit now that we (me &his mom) know that he's doing this. Ugh, I am lost. Would appreciate more insight and others experiences and what you guys think. I'm scared to think that this could progress to heroin. I don't want this to destroy my family.
Another thing I don't understand - If the diharrea is a withdrawl symptom.. How does that work? He takes a pill. He feels high/good. It wears off. He gets withdrawl symptoms? Then he takes more pills?... Am I correct? Is that the cycle?
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
He takes pills, he runs out, he withdraws, he takes pills, he runs out, he withdraws. It is a cycle that repeats itself, over and over again.
Addicts lie, addict steal, they will say and do most anything to support their habit. His words mean nothing, his actions speak for themselves.
God gives us the boat and the oars to row to the shore, it is up to us to use them and find our way.
Addicts lie, addict steal, they will say and do most anything to support their habit. His words mean nothing, his actions speak for themselves.
God gives us the boat and the oars to row to the shore, it is up to us to use them and find our way.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I thought my husband had a "little pill problem." It didn't seem like a big deal because he was a "loving" husband and father and a great provider.
Fast forward, within a year, he changed so much for the worse. He was a selfish, lying jackass with one love - his pills. I was in complete denial and had no idea what to do. I enabled, threatened, cried, kicked him out, saw a lawyer, etc. He addiction ruled him and I was as sick as he was.
Untreated addiction is a progressive illness whose ends are always the same: jails, institutions, and death. It's a family disease and everyone will become so messed up from it.
Alanon, Sr and therapy have been a great help to me.
Fast forward, within a year, he changed so much for the worse. He was a selfish, lying jackass with one love - his pills. I was in complete denial and had no idea what to do. I enabled, threatened, cried, kicked him out, saw a lawyer, etc. He addiction ruled him and I was as sick as he was.
Untreated addiction is a progressive illness whose ends are always the same: jails, institutions, and death. It's a family disease and everyone will become so messed up from it.
Alanon, Sr and therapy have been a great help to me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
One thing that is sure to happen is his drug use will increase--unless he stops using. My son was hooked to pain meds, then heroin. He went to rehab, detoxed, and a few months later took pain meds for kidney stones. He went right back to the same level he was at before rehab. No gradual building back up. My son will always be addicted to opiates. He can not use pain meds normally as other people can. I have had surgeries and needed pain meds, but I only took the prescribed dose and only for a couple days. Tylenol was sufficient then. Not so for an opiate addict. So, if my son ever needs pain meds in the future (which is likely to happen at some point) he will need to be very diligent in how he goes about taking the medicine.
When my son graduated to heroin, his life rapidly went down hill. While he was taking the pills he seemed to be functioning at work, but he did not function so well after taking heroin. I think he knew he was slipping fast but was unable to stop it. Getting two Dui's and facing a judge helped him as he was ordered to rehab.
Looking back I can see God's Hand in how things all came together. Can you speak to someone at church about your husband's addiction? There is a group called Celebrate Recovery you could attend together that many churches offer.
When my son graduated to heroin, his life rapidly went down hill. While he was taking the pills he seemed to be functioning at work, but he did not function so well after taking heroin. I think he knew he was slipping fast but was unable to stop it. Getting two Dui's and facing a judge helped him as he was ordered to rehab.
Looking back I can see God's Hand in how things all came together. Can you speak to someone at church about your husband's addiction? There is a group called Celebrate Recovery you could attend together that many churches offer.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
My RABF's DOC is also pain pills. It may sound like just pills, but it is a huge problem. He took more and more. He spent lots of money on them, and lied to doctors to get pills. Most of the time he was on pills, he was working. He did that while taking care of his parents and kids. For awhile, the pills gave him energy and kept him from feeling. They ended up turning him into somebody I didn't recognize.
I found this website very helpful. I also have read Codependent No More several times. You can't make your husband recover from using drugs. That's one of the first things I learned: you didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it.
Addicts lie. That is part of the disease. So, watch his actions, not his words.
I found this website very helpful. I also have read Codependent No More several times. You can't make your husband recover from using drugs. That's one of the first things I learned: you didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it.
Addicts lie. That is part of the disease. So, watch his actions, not his words.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by EnglishGarden 
Already you are starting the codependent pattern of pleading with him, crying, breaking down, and already he has started the addict pattern of cold withdrawal and lying when he feels threatened by someone who wants him to stop using. We here can tell you that for many spouses of addicts, that scene can play for years if no one seeks outside help and the addict continues using.
Can you afford to see an addictions counselor who works with family members? Because you need to not be alone with this.
Can you afford to see an addictions counselor who works with family members? Because you need to not be alone with this.
I have a question about "the addict pattern of cold withdrawl". Why do you say that? Is it unlikely that he will be successful with that?
Also I see that I'm a codependent and have been for while. Its hard not to be, especially since I'm married to him and we have 4 children. And its so hard to know what to do,( I know that I can't DO anything for him) but in this whole situation and our life, What do I do!? I believe in God and believe that He can heal AH but AH has to be the one to want it. I talk to him (I'm trying not to nag or let "this" be the only thing we talk about) and encourage him. And thanks to all the posts that said to watch his actions not his words. Of course its hard to watch him when he's not at home, as he's on a trip right now but once he's home, I'll be watching VERY carefully.
SCARY UPDATE: On wednesday evening, AH fell off the top of his truck. Hurt his back and leg. He was wearing flip flops and slipped. I've told him before to wear sneakers but no... Anyways he was hurt bad, so he went to ER. I knew they were going to give him pain meds, so I asked him to refuse the narcotics and just take the ibuprofen. I've read and now know that once an addict you cannot take any stonger pain meds anymore, and I've told AH this and that he would start the whole cycle again if he took the pain meds. The next time I talked to him, he said they gave him 2 ibuprofens and a lortab. I googled it and was upset that he took it. AH said he didn't know what it (lortab) was... YEA RIGHT. I highly doubt that. He was checked out and everything seemed ok, so ER let him go. They (according to AH) gave him rx for ibuprofen 600 and some type of muscle relaxant for his back. He picked those up the next morning. When I talked to him that next day he seemed to be in a good mood. I'm wondering if he got an rx for pain pills and even called that hospital but they wouldn't give out that information.
So what is most likely going to happen now? Since AH had that lortab in the ER, is he now back that cycle? Will he be taking pills again(assuming he stopped when he said he did, which was about a month ago)?
Any help would be helpful.
-Soup
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Hi Souper,
My husband also was using pain pills. He started from being prescribed after a sports injury, and then when the doctors wanted to wean him off, he started getting it from some guys at his office.
He used for about a year; added in some other drugs that he used part of the time like Xanax, and cocaine. And then he decided to stop. I don’t really agree with the belief that people have to hit a bottom that is so painful they have no other choice. My husband and I were separated, but he held down a good job, was able to have a nice apartment, still paid his portion of the bills on our home, he did not end up in any legal trouble, he did not become ill, etc. What he said is that he got tired of the drug life, and wanted his real life back; wanted our relationship back, and to be able to better pursue his dreams. I personally think this is what motivates a lot of people; but for others sadly, they won’t stop until things get very bad.
Also, yes diarrhea is a sign of withdrawals. My husband had that also, but it should go away after a while. I think when most people are truly addicted; they don’t actually go through the withdrawal phase very often. They keep using, and keep using making sure they use in time that they don’t suffer withdrawals.
Its really hard to say if your husband is an full blown addict, or if he has been abusing the drugs / more of a recreational user; using only when he has time off, or long weekends, etc. It almost sounds like this would be the case with his driving, and it would also allow for more of the withdrawal symptoms but they probably wouldn’t be as severe.
I suggest you also do some reading on the substance abuse forum; as there are many there that are working on ending their use of pain pills, and it can be quite helpful to get that type of insight. There are many ways to recover from using; most truly just do it on their own with willpower, and leaning on God. Others use things like AA/NA and the 12 steps, SMART (self management and recovery training), or AVRT (addictive voice recognition technique), private therapy, etc. There is no clear path to recovery; just whatever works !
My husband has been clean now for 6 months, and he is doing well. I know it must be difficult for you worrying when he is away, and you cant interact with him, and get a better feel for his attitude, and actions…. But my suggestion would be to have faith that he has quit, BUT continue to watch for any signs that are consistent of when he was using.
One thing I have learned is that relationships will deteriorate, if you let the worry of addiction / relapse take over. Your relationship needs to be well rounded; of course you will worry some and that is ok, but try also to focus on the other aspects that have always brought you together, and brought satisfaction. And try to focus on yourself, and things that make you happy and bring you peace.
You might also look into meetings for Celebrate Recovery as that is a Christ centered meeting group that is also for both the addict and family members. You can google it and see if there are locations near you. And Smart recovery also has a website: Family & Friends - An Alternative to Al-Anon and Intervention, an online meeting on Monday nights just for family, and forum like this one: SMART Self-Management And Recovery Training - Powered by vBulletin
Good Luck and prayers being sent to both you and your husband.
My husband also was using pain pills. He started from being prescribed after a sports injury, and then when the doctors wanted to wean him off, he started getting it from some guys at his office.
He used for about a year; added in some other drugs that he used part of the time like Xanax, and cocaine. And then he decided to stop. I don’t really agree with the belief that people have to hit a bottom that is so painful they have no other choice. My husband and I were separated, but he held down a good job, was able to have a nice apartment, still paid his portion of the bills on our home, he did not end up in any legal trouble, he did not become ill, etc. What he said is that he got tired of the drug life, and wanted his real life back; wanted our relationship back, and to be able to better pursue his dreams. I personally think this is what motivates a lot of people; but for others sadly, they won’t stop until things get very bad.
Also, yes diarrhea is a sign of withdrawals. My husband had that also, but it should go away after a while. I think when most people are truly addicted; they don’t actually go through the withdrawal phase very often. They keep using, and keep using making sure they use in time that they don’t suffer withdrawals.
Its really hard to say if your husband is an full blown addict, or if he has been abusing the drugs / more of a recreational user; using only when he has time off, or long weekends, etc. It almost sounds like this would be the case with his driving, and it would also allow for more of the withdrawal symptoms but they probably wouldn’t be as severe.
I suggest you also do some reading on the substance abuse forum; as there are many there that are working on ending their use of pain pills, and it can be quite helpful to get that type of insight. There are many ways to recover from using; most truly just do it on their own with willpower, and leaning on God. Others use things like AA/NA and the 12 steps, SMART (self management and recovery training), or AVRT (addictive voice recognition technique), private therapy, etc. There is no clear path to recovery; just whatever works !
My husband has been clean now for 6 months, and he is doing well. I know it must be difficult for you worrying when he is away, and you cant interact with him, and get a better feel for his attitude, and actions…. But my suggestion would be to have faith that he has quit, BUT continue to watch for any signs that are consistent of when he was using.
One thing I have learned is that relationships will deteriorate, if you let the worry of addiction / relapse take over. Your relationship needs to be well rounded; of course you will worry some and that is ok, but try also to focus on the other aspects that have always brought you together, and brought satisfaction. And try to focus on yourself, and things that make you happy and bring you peace.
You might also look into meetings for Celebrate Recovery as that is a Christ centered meeting group that is also for both the addict and family members. You can google it and see if there are locations near you. And Smart recovery also has a website: Family & Friends - An Alternative to Al-Anon and Intervention, an online meeting on Monday nights just for family, and forum like this one: SMART Self-Management And Recovery Training - Powered by vBulletin
Good Luck and prayers being sent to both you and your husband.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 398
Welcome, Souper!
My AH's drug of choice is oxycontin. We are also Christians. We met in church!
When I met him, he was on the Church Board (the treasurer) and the Youth Group Leader. He and his family have attended the same church since before he was born.
I'm saying this because I want to caution you about allowing other people attempt to guilt you into staying with your AH if you decide to separate. I have and to some point, continue to allow others to do this to me. In fact, I do it to myself. Divorce is wrong; God can...and will....heal my AH if I just have enough faith...etc.
It's a crazy way to live! Especially with kids! God entrusted these special little people to you (your children, not your husband) to take care of. God wants us to be good stewards. I believe this applies to our children and ourselves as well. I do not believe God wants us to put our adult husbands or our marriage over the safety and emotional and physical health of our children. Please read CynicalOne's threads about the effects of substance abuse on children, families, etc.
My AH stole thousands from our church to support his oxy habit. I had no idea! He has also stolen from me, his parents, his parent's neighbor, that neighbor's mother-in-law, Little League, and I think from a bank he worked at. I'm sure there are some I'm forgetting.
My AH's motto could have been "Deny, deny until you die!" Because he's fabulous at telling lies and denying!!!
My AH has engaged in relationships with other women via texts, the internet, and in real life. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it. Anyway, he also liked(s) porn. It would "magically" appear on his internet history on his phone. Who knew?
My AH has been to detox a few times, rehab once, and outpatient rehab twice. He's now trying methadone.
I just think you have a long, difficult, road ahead of you. I wish there was some way we could save you from it. My only advice to you is to determine your boundaries and make sure they protect your children. And then, enforce the boundaries. Don't let AH wiggle around them.
Here's what I wish someone would have told me in the beginning- if he can not account for every dime of his money, he may be using. Every dime! It's not hard to use a debit card for all purchases. If he has bursts of energy during weird hours, but then is almost falling asleep while standing up, he's probably using. If his pupils are pinpoints, he's using.
If you're driving yourself crazy trying to figure out if he's using- searching your home, vehicle, checking phone records, anxious all the time- you need to break free!
My final thought, I wouldn't put it past an addict to "accidentally" fall off of his semi-truck in an attempt to get Rx narcotics. My AH liked to go to his dentist, foot dr., etc.
Please keep posting and reading! It helps and we care about you!!
My AH's drug of choice is oxycontin. We are also Christians. We met in church!
When I met him, he was on the Church Board (the treasurer) and the Youth Group Leader. He and his family have attended the same church since before he was born.
I'm saying this because I want to caution you about allowing other people attempt to guilt you into staying with your AH if you decide to separate. I have and to some point, continue to allow others to do this to me. In fact, I do it to myself. Divorce is wrong; God can...and will....heal my AH if I just have enough faith...etc.
It's a crazy way to live! Especially with kids! God entrusted these special little people to you (your children, not your husband) to take care of. God wants us to be good stewards. I believe this applies to our children and ourselves as well. I do not believe God wants us to put our adult husbands or our marriage over the safety and emotional and physical health of our children. Please read CynicalOne's threads about the effects of substance abuse on children, families, etc.
My AH stole thousands from our church to support his oxy habit. I had no idea! He has also stolen from me, his parents, his parent's neighbor, that neighbor's mother-in-law, Little League, and I think from a bank he worked at. I'm sure there are some I'm forgetting.
My AH's motto could have been "Deny, deny until you die!" Because he's fabulous at telling lies and denying!!!
My AH has engaged in relationships with other women via texts, the internet, and in real life. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it. Anyway, he also liked(s) porn. It would "magically" appear on his internet history on his phone. Who knew?
My AH has been to detox a few times, rehab once, and outpatient rehab twice. He's now trying methadone.
I just think you have a long, difficult, road ahead of you. I wish there was some way we could save you from it. My only advice to you is to determine your boundaries and make sure they protect your children. And then, enforce the boundaries. Don't let AH wiggle around them.
Here's what I wish someone would have told me in the beginning- if he can not account for every dime of his money, he may be using. Every dime! It's not hard to use a debit card for all purchases. If he has bursts of energy during weird hours, but then is almost falling asleep while standing up, he's probably using. If his pupils are pinpoints, he's using.
If you're driving yourself crazy trying to figure out if he's using- searching your home, vehicle, checking phone records, anxious all the time- you need to break free!
My final thought, I wouldn't put it past an addict to "accidentally" fall off of his semi-truck in an attempt to get Rx narcotics. My AH liked to go to his dentist, foot dr., etc.
Please keep posting and reading! It helps and we care about you!!
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