desertshell

Forum question

Hi,

This is a 2 part question and help for either situation is appreciated.

I am a mother of a 24 yr old son in Arizona who is a drug addict. He is ready to go into detox and rehab, but we are having trouble finding a free or low cost Christian (preferably) rehab that will take him while on medication for a dual diagnosis. He is at this point willing to commit to 2 (maybe up to 4) months of rehab, which would exclude Teen Challenge and Salvation Army. We are willing to send him out of state if it is affordable for us...less than $1000 per month.

There is also the complicating factor that his live-in girlfriend of 7 years is also an addict and is in need of help. We are all aware that the rehabs for both of them will be separate, but I don't believe they will succeed if they do not get some type of structured sober living together after individual rehab. I cannot find ANY resources for this concern that isn't going to cost in the $10,000+ range. They are extremely concerned that they will be counseled and pressured into breaking up when going through their individual rehabs. They have heard this is what happens to unmarried couples. They are so concerned about this that I am afraid they will cut short their individual rehabs and possibly not complete their programs unless they know they will be able to find help together as a couple and not be pressured into breaking up.

Any help is greatly appreciated as I have been diligently searching for this type of info for a couple of weeks. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

desertshell

Thank you so much for the quick response. My son is determined to enter detox either today after church or at the latest tomorrow. I know this is the best step he can take at this point, but I am so worried that I won't have the "right" rehab set up for him to go into after exiting detox. I will be contacting AGRM for more information, but from what you have described it sounds like it would be a good fit.

LoveMeNow

Maybe calling your local churches could help provide information. Or if you have any Celebrate Recovery in your area, they may also be another source of information.

Good luck and God Bless.

hope213

i am happy you are with us @ sober recovery. i hope you son will find a place for himself to go. i feel as if he & his g.f were really ready to get clean it would not be any restrictions on the facility at all. together or separate they would jump at the chance to get the help to clean up. they would also be looking for a faculity themself instead of letting you do it.i know for a fact it is hard to find a place that will accept you when u are on meds. my grandson runs into that. i wish them luck & i am sending prayers up for them & for you. i am the mother & grandmother of an addict. my heart goes out to you & i do understand. hugs,

zoso77

Well, if they were serious about recovery, they'd put their individual recoveries before the relationship. If God intends for them to be together, then they should be able to hit the Pause button without any fear.

My 2 cents for what it's worth.

ZoSo

dollydo

I was wondering why you are looking for a rehab program for them...they are adults, old enough to make the decision to live together, so they should be old enough to find their own recovery program.

Have you been to Naranon meetings? Have you read up on enabling and codependency? Might
consider doing both. Doing for them what they can do for themselves is not the answer.

Take care,

desertshell

Thank you all for your concern and suggestions, but I think some key points may have been misunderstood. They are both aware and are ok with the fact that they will be going through separate rehabs, need to be working on their own issues and will not have contact with each other. This not an issue for either of them. Their issue is with information they have been told regarding unmarried couples. They have been told that they will both be pressured into ending their relationship because they will not be able to suceed as a sober couple. This information came from one of his girlfriend's relatives who has been through a program. But, they are still both willing to commit to separate programs. However, they want to know that there is help for them as a couple when they complete their individual programs. If they are to remain together after their separate rehabs, they will need to have some type of help together in order to live as a sober couple. Their desire is to get married, but as a sober couple. Yes, they are fearful, but until they come to understand that God has a plan for each of them (together or not), they should be able to enter a program with the hope that they can succeed as a sober couple. Fear is a poweful emotion and I can't help but think that many addicts are fearful (for many different reasons) when entering a recovery program. I am so grateful that they have both come to the point that they know that entering a program is the only solution for both of them.

As to why I am doing the searching...First, they do not have access to the internet in their home. Secondly, I don't want them in my home when they are using because I have two younger children at home, so access to the internet at my home is not an option. Thirdly, both of their computer/internet skills are elementary at best. Fourthly, if they did have access to the internet and internet skills, their cognitive abilities are questionable due to the drug use. I don't know if they can intelligently compare and analyze the pros and cons of the different types of rehabs available. Not every program is going to be the right fit for everyone. And finally, time is of the essence since detox is happening this week.

tomsteve

deserstshell, i am glad to see how you are handling this. i am guessing you have been throug quite a bit and know what leetting a practicing drug addict into your home could lead to.
it is awesome to see that both of them want help, are putting their own personal recovery 1st and know they will need help afterwards, both with the relationship and recovery.
i didnt go to rehab or detox, but i surely had a lot of fear when i went to my 1st AA meeting. i had no clue what life without alcohol and drugs would be like as i started drinking at a rather young age, then added drugs soon after. so i got me some courage and its been an awesome journey ever since.

prayers to you and yours for courage to change.

kmangel

Give your son the info and let him (trust him) to call and decide what he wants to do. It's when we as parents do all the leg work that our enabling gets in the way.

allforcnm

I think it is wonderful that your helping to locate rehabs / treatment for your son, and his girlfriend.

I did the same for my husband, and I'm grateful that I was able to assist him; it's an almost unending maze of information; complicated more I'm sure by your sons separate medical requirements.
And my husband also was not in any shape mentally to tackle the job when it was needed; he was already suffering from withdrawals. We walked through the information together & both felt comfortable with the decision in the end.

I disagree with the comment you should not do anything for an addict that they can do themselves; 'anything' encompasses a lot and is overkill in my opinion.

I also live in Arizona. I did a lot of research on rehabs, and you are right most are very expensive.

I am going to send you a p.message with information on a couple that I know about in our state that offer more affordable options, just have to find the files I saved first

I have actually heard the comment about staying out of relationships quite often on this forum. In fact it's sort of a standard advice given to anyone who comes here inquiring about their loved one. It's what I was told; "stay away from your husband for a year or two, and keep him away from your son " but luckily, my husbands rehab didn't encourage that; they supported family participation, and combined counseling.

So I hope your son and girlfriend can find a place where they can both feel their relationship is treated with respect, and their goal of becoming a sober couple is encouraged.

It sounds like they have things sorted out quite well; now just to implement it.

desertshell

tomsteve, Thanks for your words of encouragement. I think its wonderful that you are now on this awesome journey that you have paved for yourself. You are right, it does take a lot of courage and I'm so glad that you found it. Thank you for the prayers sent our way.

desertshell

allforcnm,

Thank so much for the encouraging response. It sounds like you have been in a similar situation, but with your husband. It appears that there are different views on whether to offer ANY help to the addict and I am of the view that I will help if they are ready to change.

Yes, it is a never ending maze. There are so many options...Christian, 12 step, non 12 step, holistic, etc. One link leads to another and then somehow circles back to a beginning. My husband has had a hard time understanding why I can't just pick one, but he's starting to realize its just not that simple. My son will be involved in the decision but not until its narrowed down.

I want to thank you in advance for taking the time to dig out the info that you found while doing your own research. It seems that unless you have insurance, everything is either for the indigent or the wealthy.

If I don't private message back, its because I don't have enough posts yet.