My boyfriend feels he needs to use drugs again!!! should I stay with him?
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My boyfriend feels he needs to use drugs again!!! should I stay with him?
Hi
I have been going out with this guy for almost four months and we had been friends for one and half years before that but not close friends. when we started going out he told me he had some problems with drugs (weed and party pills) in the past but he has tried everything and he is over it and he wants to have a healthy life and relationship. he is 27 years old, have a good job in a good company, bought a house recently and have the best caring and understanding parents ever. at the beginning i asked him to promise to not take drugs anymore but he said he cant promise that but he promised me whenever he feels like taking drugs he discusses it with me and then we sort it out together. i told him i cant put up with that and if he takes drugs again i'll break up with him. it's been amazing for the first three months and everything went pretty well. he's the most caring and amazing guy i have ever seen, even my parents and friends love him.
i am 24 and he is my second boyfriend but im still a virgin. he is so patient about it and he said he is ok to wait till i feel i am ready. he even got std tested for me last month.
his job is really stressful and makes him so tired, after work he does exercise excessively till he cant even walk.
couple of weeks ago one night he got really sexually frustrated and we had an argument over it and he told me he works really hard everyday and he previously had a release from work which was drugs but now he feels so frustrated and stressed.
the day after he said sorry and he said he was drunk and stupid and he is still happy to wait and i shouldnt be worried about it.
again last week we started talking about drugs and he told me he started smoking when he was 12 and he didnt use in for 3 years when he was 20 to 23 and again he started taking these stuff for partying. and then he told me he really feels he needs to use it at least couple of times a year because he needs a release and he asked me if i break up with him if he does it and i said yes. he cried he said he hates himself, he said he's upset at himself, he said he thinks he is hurting me and he said he thinks i am innocent, precious and pure and he is distracting me from a healthy and normal relationship. he said he doesnt think that he deserves it that i lose my virginity to him. and then when i cried and said i want to be with him, he said he wants me so much and he is happy to see someone to get help.
now he is so sensitive, he went to see a counsellor today but this morning he messaged me and said he thinks i dont deserve to experience it and i should not have to be around it. and i said he cant decide for me and i want to be with him and if he doesnt want to be with me he should break up with me. but he said he does want to be with me and he doenst want to hurt me. he saw the counsellor and he said the counsellor wasn't really helpful but he is going to see him again.
I like him so much and I am sure he likes me too. but I'm not in love with him yet but I love everything we had together for the last few months. I am just so scared of falling in love with him and if he can't stay away from drugs. Should i stay with him?
ps. No one knows he took drugs before except me and his parents and his old friends, he doesnt want anyone to know about it.
I have been going out with this guy for almost four months and we had been friends for one and half years before that but not close friends. when we started going out he told me he had some problems with drugs (weed and party pills) in the past but he has tried everything and he is over it and he wants to have a healthy life and relationship. he is 27 years old, have a good job in a good company, bought a house recently and have the best caring and understanding parents ever. at the beginning i asked him to promise to not take drugs anymore but he said he cant promise that but he promised me whenever he feels like taking drugs he discusses it with me and then we sort it out together. i told him i cant put up with that and if he takes drugs again i'll break up with him. it's been amazing for the first three months and everything went pretty well. he's the most caring and amazing guy i have ever seen, even my parents and friends love him.
i am 24 and he is my second boyfriend but im still a virgin. he is so patient about it and he said he is ok to wait till i feel i am ready. he even got std tested for me last month.
his job is really stressful and makes him so tired, after work he does exercise excessively till he cant even walk.
couple of weeks ago one night he got really sexually frustrated and we had an argument over it and he told me he works really hard everyday and he previously had a release from work which was drugs but now he feels so frustrated and stressed.
the day after he said sorry and he said he was drunk and stupid and he is still happy to wait and i shouldnt be worried about it.
again last week we started talking about drugs and he told me he started smoking when he was 12 and he didnt use in for 3 years when he was 20 to 23 and again he started taking these stuff for partying. and then he told me he really feels he needs to use it at least couple of times a year because he needs a release and he asked me if i break up with him if he does it and i said yes. he cried he said he hates himself, he said he's upset at himself, he said he thinks he is hurting me and he said he thinks i am innocent, precious and pure and he is distracting me from a healthy and normal relationship. he said he doesnt think that he deserves it that i lose my virginity to him. and then when i cried and said i want to be with him, he said he wants me so much and he is happy to see someone to get help.
now he is so sensitive, he went to see a counsellor today but this morning he messaged me and said he thinks i dont deserve to experience it and i should not have to be around it. and i said he cant decide for me and i want to be with him and if he doesnt want to be with me he should break up with me. but he said he does want to be with me and he doenst want to hurt me. he saw the counsellor and he said the counsellor wasn't really helpful but he is going to see him again.
I like him so much and I am sure he likes me too. but I'm not in love with him yet but I love everything we had together for the last few months. I am just so scared of falling in love with him and if he can't stay away from drugs. Should i stay with him?
ps. No one knows he took drugs before except me and his parents and his old friends, he doesnt want anyone to know about it.
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but I'm scared of falling in love with him, now I'm so logical and know if he takes drugs I'll leave. i don't want to get attached to him more if he is going to ruin whatever we have after few months. I want to help him but I have no Idea how!
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I'm going to reply more in the morning.
But my advice to you would be get out now.
It sounds like he's headed to a relapse.
We all told ourselves "If he takes drugs I leave" but most of us got caught up in a web of lies and manipulation.. I would have saved myself a world of pain and self destruction if I'd listened to my gut and my mind instead of my heart at the start of our relationship. you sound young and like maybe you're not that invested yet but my advice i get out now before things get worse. I will reply with more detail tomorrow!
But my advice to you would be get out now.
It sounds like he's headed to a relapse.
We all told ourselves "If he takes drugs I leave" but most of us got caught up in a web of lies and manipulation.. I would have saved myself a world of pain and self destruction if I'd listened to my gut and my mind instead of my heart at the start of our relationship. you sound young and like maybe you're not that invested yet but my advice i get out now before things get worse. I will reply with more detail tomorrow!
Last edited by FenwayFaithful; 10-05-2012 at 01:00 AM. Reason: Lack of ability to literate at 4 AM
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thanks for the reply 
he never lied to me, he could have used drugs without even telling me because I'm not with him all the time. he wants to quit it forever but he cant control his brain. he needs help and i wanna help him.
he never lied to me, he could have used drugs without even telling me because I'm not with him all the time. he wants to quit it forever but he cant control his brain. he needs help and i wanna help him.
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If he is a drug addict and/or alcoholic, he needs a support group and a program of recovery. It doesn't sound like that is happening. I'm a drug addict and alcoholic and without a program of recovery it is inevitable that I will use again. It's that simple for me. You've told him where you stand. If he uses again....well, you've got your answer.
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Originally Posted by lindagirl 
but I'm scared of falling in love with him, now I'm so logical and know if he takes drugs I'll leave. i don't want to get attached to him more if he is going to ruin whatever we have after few months. I want to help him but I have no Idea how!
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Originally Posted by RobC420
Help him by letting him know about programs of recovery such as AA. If he goes...awesome. If he uses again...help him by leaving him.
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Originally Posted by lindagirl
thanks for the answer!
he says he is not going to rehab because he has to leave his job, is that true?
he says he is not going to rehab because he has to leave his job, is that true?
BTW, you said he wants to do drugs, but is not right now. Why would he go to rehab? Alcohol abuse?
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Originally Posted by lindagirl
What is AA? can you please give me more information about it? thank you.
Alcoholics Anonymous :
Theres a whole bunch of good info there. There are meetings happening all the time. I don't know where you live, but I'm sure you could find a meeting in your area pretty easily.
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Originally Posted by lindagirl
isn't it for alcoholics?
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Originally Posted by RobC420
I don't know, but I can say that most full time jobs come with a benefits package, sick days, vacation days, etc. If someone really wants to get sober they will find a way to get to rehab if thats where they feel they need to go. If someone doesn't really want to get sober they'll come up with bs, but plausible excuses to get people off their back. I know because I had a ton of go to excuses just in case I was confronted.
BTW, you said he wants to do drugs, but is not right now. Why would he go to rehab? Alcohol abuse?
BTW, you said he wants to do drugs, but is not right now. Why would he go to rehab? Alcohol abuse?
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Originally Posted by RobC420
yes it is. I think it's a good place to start for anyone seeking recovery. All 12 step programs are based on Alcoholics Anonymous. Theres good recovery there and they can certainly help point your boyfriend in the right direction. There is also Narcotics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, Marijuana Anonymous, etc, etc. You can find their sites easily with a quick google search.
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Originally Posted by RobC420
I don't know, but I can say that most full time jobs come with a benefits package, sick days, vacation days, etc. If someone really wants to get sober they will find a way to get to rehab if thats where they feel they need to go. If someone doesn't really want to get sober they'll come up with bs, but plausible excuses to get people off their back. I know because I had a ton of go to excuses just in case I was confronted.
BTW, you said he wants to do drugs, but is not right now. Why would he go to rehab? Alcohol abuse?
BTW, you said he wants to do drugs, but is not right now. Why would he go to rehab? Alcohol abuse?
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Originally Posted by lindagirl
I have no idea what rehab is, I know nothing about drugs, last night he said this counsellor would suggest him to go to rehab and he said he wouldnt do it. I'm 100 % sure he hasn't used anything for the last 4 months. he says smoking weed is like drinking alcohol but different level but i cant believe it.
Why would the counselor suggest he go to rehab if he is not taking any drugs? Rehab is a place for people who are currently using alcohol/drugs.
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Originally Posted by RobC420
Getting off drugs/alcohol can be very difficult medically, psychologically, etc, etc. Rehab is a place where addicts/alcoholics go to safely get all the drugs/alcohol out of their system.
Why would the counselor suggest he go to rehab if he is not taking any drugs? Rehab is a place for people who are currently using alcohol/drugs.
Why would the counselor suggest he go to rehab if he is not taking any drugs? Rehab is a place for people who are currently using alcohol/drugs.
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Originally Posted by lindagirl
he is so fit, doing exercise everyday, having a healthy diet and I'm sure he doesn't need drugs physically, it is all his brain that wants to experience those levels of freedom and silliness. he feels he needs to use it because he is so stressed but he doesn't want to ruin our relationship and he says he needs to find another release.
There a million 'releases' out there. Some people knit. Some people watch sports. Some people exercise. Some people swim. Some people walk their dog or paint or play with trainsets. This guy is telling you that his release must come in the form of doing drugs. That would concern me. Especially if I told him I would leave him if he used drugs.
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Originally Posted by lindagirl
the counsellor didn't suggest him, just before seeing the counsellor he told me if the counsellor suggested him to go to rehab he wouldn't.
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