My boyfriend feels he needs to use drugs again!!! should I stay with him?
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Originally Posted by lindagirl 
did ur gf want to quit? is she still an addict? did you try to help her? what is she addicted to? how long did u stay with her after you realised she has this problem? was she one of those miserable addicts or she looked socially accepted?
sorry for so many questions, I just need to compare.
sorry for so many questions, I just need to compare.
If you're an addict, you're an addict, and it's simply a question of whether or not they choose to both abstain from using and become a healthier person mentally/emotionally. And that takes a lot of hard, hard work.
I don't know if my AXGF wanted to quit, but I did try to help her. I thought that if I loved her just enough, things would be OK. And while she wasn't using, her behavior and attitudes were as messed up as they always were when she was using. I became part of the problem. She was making a lot of very poor decisions, ones that I knew would come back and bite her, and she wouldn't listen to me. So we fought. I drove myself nuts. It wasn't until I got into Al Anon that I realized that I couldn't do what I was doing, which was trying to control her. I was doing that out of fear, because I was afraid if she didn't smarten us -- my definition of smarten up -- she'd die.
Ultimately, I did smarten up. Being in Al Anon and listening to others taught me that it didn't matter what I did because she was going to do whatever she was going to do. So, rather than drive myself insane, I disengaged and allowed her to be her. And I stopped reacting to all her histrionics. But she didn't want that. She wanted an enabler, not a partner. So she left me for another addict, via text message, and confessed to sleeping with two other guys on her way out the door. She sent a picture of her and the new guy just to rub salt in the wound.
And when she did that, when she wasn't hiding what she was anymore, it was really a gift. For once, she was honest. And it wasn't about her being an addict anymore, or being someone with a character disorder (which she does have). It was really about her being sadistic, duplicitous, manipulative, promiscuous, disgusting filthy pig. Sure, it stung, but the clouds started to lift that day. I deleted all her pictures off my phone, blocked her from calling me, blocked her from emailing me, and that was that.
Speaking only for myself, I won't date another addict again. I pay too high a price being with such a person, and it's not worth it. Doesn't matter if I care for them. I have to care for myself more, because if I don't, I'll become unhealthy.
Anyways, that's my story in a nutshell...
ZoSo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by zoso77
You can't compare, kiddo.
If you're an addict, you're an addict, and it's simply a question of whether or not they choose to both abstain from using and become a healthier person mentally/emotionally. And that takes a lot of hard, hard work.
I don't know if my AXGF wanted to quit, but I did try to help her. I thought that if I loved her just enough, things would be OK. And while she wasn't using, her behavior and attitudes were as messed up as they always were when she was using. I became part of the problem. She was making a lot of very poor decisions, ones that I knew would come back and bite her, and she wouldn't listen to me. So we fought. I drove myself nuts. It wasn't until I got into Al Anon that I realized that I couldn't do what I was doing, which was trying to control her. I was doing that out of fear, because I was afraid if she didn't smarten us -- my definition of smarten up -- she'd die.
Ultimately, I did smarten up. Being in Al Anon and listening to others taught me that it didn't matter what I did because she was going to do whatever she was going to do. So, rather than drive myself insane, I disengaged and allowed her to be her. And I stopped reacting to all her histrionics. But she didn't want that. She wanted an enabler, not a partner. So she left me for another addict, via text message, and confessed to sleeping with two other guys on her way out the door. She sent a picture of her and the new guy just to rub salt in the wound.
And when she did that, when she wasn't hiding what she was anymore, it was really a gift. For once, she was honest. And it wasn't about her being an addict anymore, or being someone with a character disorder (which she does have). It was really about her being sadistic, duplicitous, manipulative, promiscuous, disgusting filthy pig. Sure, it stung, but the clouds started to lift that day. I deleted all her pictures off my phone, blocked her from calling me, blocked her from emailing me, and that was that.
Speaking only for myself, I won't date another addict again. I pay too high a price being with such a person, and it's not worth it. Doesn't matter if I care for them. I have to care for myself more, because if I don't, I'll become unhealthy.
Anyways, that's my story in a nutshell...
ZoSo
If you're an addict, you're an addict, and it's simply a question of whether or not they choose to both abstain from using and become a healthier person mentally/emotionally. And that takes a lot of hard, hard work.
I don't know if my AXGF wanted to quit, but I did try to help her. I thought that if I loved her just enough, things would be OK. And while she wasn't using, her behavior and attitudes were as messed up as they always were when she was using. I became part of the problem. She was making a lot of very poor decisions, ones that I knew would come back and bite her, and she wouldn't listen to me. So we fought. I drove myself nuts. It wasn't until I got into Al Anon that I realized that I couldn't do what I was doing, which was trying to control her. I was doing that out of fear, because I was afraid if she didn't smarten us -- my definition of smarten up -- she'd die.
Ultimately, I did smarten up. Being in Al Anon and listening to others taught me that it didn't matter what I did because she was going to do whatever she was going to do. So, rather than drive myself insane, I disengaged and allowed her to be her. And I stopped reacting to all her histrionics. But she didn't want that. She wanted an enabler, not a partner. So she left me for another addict, via text message, and confessed to sleeping with two other guys on her way out the door. She sent a picture of her and the new guy just to rub salt in the wound.
And when she did that, when she wasn't hiding what she was anymore, it was really a gift. For once, she was honest. And it wasn't about her being an addict anymore, or being someone with a character disorder (which she does have). It was really about her being sadistic, duplicitous, manipulative, promiscuous, disgusting filthy pig. Sure, it stung, but the clouds started to lift that day. I deleted all her pictures off my phone, blocked her from calling me, blocked her from emailing me, and that was that.
Speaking only for myself, I won't date another addict again. I pay too high a price being with such a person, and it's not worth it. Doesn't matter if I care for them. I have to care for myself more, because if I don't, I'll become unhealthy.
Anyways, that's my story in a nutshell...
ZoSo
I think my story is not as bad as yours, but I dont know, I never doubted that he might have taken drugs over the last four months because I should have realised that. he couldn't do that during the week because he had to go to work everyday and I visited him almost twice a week and then we spent all our weekends together... I think each case is different from the other one, my boy has some problem to be satisfied with his life and I'm sure he's gonna be over it. I'm still sure he hasn't taken any drugs yet but he just shared with me that he feels he wants it. I'm sure he cant hurt me , the other day when he was upset at something I really felt bad about it and felt so sad and started crying and he asked me why I was crying and I said I feel so worried that he was annoyed and upset and then he started crying with me because he felt so bad to make me cry. my boy doesn't want to hurt me, he treats me like a princes and he always says he never hurts me.
last year before we actually see each other when we were just friends he invited me to a party and i went there with one of my girlfriends, this girl is so pretty and hot and cute and she distracts all the guys, all my male friends when ever see her they totally forget about me. but my boyfriend at the party just said hi to this girl and thats all. and when we started going out he told me he was stoned that night, but his behaviour was perfect and so nice, he was totally high and didnt care about anything but i feel he still cared about me. I'm so naive that didnt even feel he was stoned.
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