I think my fiance is using drugs - Please help!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
i hope that he has had the wake up call he has needed to see what he has almost lost.
keep reading and keep posting, as from what i have read, MANY have been EXACTLY where you have been, and have felt what you have felt. and there are very few that have the happy ending they wanted.
but i am hoping you and your partner are the exception. i wish you both well and hope he recovers quickly from all of this. just look after you, and look at his actions, rather than listen to his words. even in non addictive relationships, this is the most important key to find out the answers most of us seek.
keep reading and keep posting, as from what i have read, MANY have been EXACTLY where you have been, and have felt what you have felt. and there are very few that have the happy ending they wanted.
but i am hoping you and your partner are the exception. i wish you both well and hope he recovers quickly from all of this. just look after you, and look at his actions, rather than listen to his words. even in non addictive relationships, this is the most important key to find out the answers most of us seek.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by runner1981 
I'm seriously hoping that this will be the first and only time we have to go through a scare like this! We found out today that he had about 5% damage to his heart muscle from this event. I can tell that he is scared to death. He won't stop hugging me and has been trying to wait on me hand and foot since he got home, although he is pretty weak and absolutely exhausted right now, so he is currently sleeping, which is what he needs. He didn't get any sleep during his 3 days in the hospital because the staff was coming into his room just about every hour to draw blood, test his blood sugar, and give him insulin (he's a diabetic).
I'm NOT making excuses for his behavior or decisions, but he has been through a few traumas in his life, the most significant one being that his mother collapsed and died right in front of us a little over 4 years ago while we were visiting her and he has always felt that it was his fault that he couldn't save her. He has never forgiven himself for that, even though he did everything that he could to try and save her. He very rarely ever talks about it and keeps it all bottled up inside. I know that it has been eating away at him for the past 4 years since it happened. He was also in the first Gulf War in 1991 and experienced many traumatic events from that, not to mention working in extremely stressful jobs, working as a paramedic in a very large city and then working in a psychiatric hospital for the last 6-7 years with extremely violent psych patients on a daily basis. I just can't help but wonder if all of these things and the fact that he always keeps his emotions bottled up inside has led him to drug use this past year. Again, I'm NOT trying to make excuses for his decisions this past year. I know that his mother would have an absolute fit if she was still with us and this was going on.
Our love for each other has always been unconditional and we have always been each other's rocks. He means the world to me and I just want to see him get better. I would give anything to see that, and if there is anything at all I can do to assist in that, I will be there for him and won't leave his side. Of course, if things continue the way they have and don't change or get worse, I will have a completely different outlook, but this is how I feel right at this moment. He is NOT a bad person. He just needs some serious help to get his life back on track and as long as he shows that he is trying 100% to turn his life around and make better, smarter decisions, I will always be by his side and support him.
I'm NOT making excuses for his behavior or decisions, but he has been through a few traumas in his life, the most significant one being that his mother collapsed and died right in front of us a little over 4 years ago while we were visiting her and he has always felt that it was his fault that he couldn't save her. He has never forgiven himself for that, even though he did everything that he could to try and save her. He very rarely ever talks about it and keeps it all bottled up inside. I know that it has been eating away at him for the past 4 years since it happened. He was also in the first Gulf War in 1991 and experienced many traumatic events from that, not to mention working in extremely stressful jobs, working as a paramedic in a very large city and then working in a psychiatric hospital for the last 6-7 years with extremely violent psych patients on a daily basis. I just can't help but wonder if all of these things and the fact that he always keeps his emotions bottled up inside has led him to drug use this past year. Again, I'm NOT trying to make excuses for his decisions this past year. I know that his mother would have an absolute fit if she was still with us and this was going on.
Our love for each other has always been unconditional and we have always been each other's rocks. He means the world to me and I just want to see him get better. I would give anything to see that, and if there is anything at all I can do to assist in that, I will be there for him and won't leave his side. Of course, if things continue the way they have and don't change or get worse, I will have a completely different outlook, but this is how I feel right at this moment. He is NOT a bad person. He just needs some serious help to get his life back on track and as long as he shows that he is trying 100% to turn his life around and make better, smarter decisions, I will always be by his side and support him.
We can't avoid the pain and can't fix the past. So now the responsibility is on the addict to get help. Otherwise, there will be more victims of his addiction. You need to take care of yourself if you don't want it to take you down as well. Support him to do the right thing. I don't see anything wrong with that as long as he does it. I agree that you may need counseling to work through everything. There has to be a lot of pain left over from the events of the last year. It will be important to deal with that.
And keep coming back to these posts. There are a lot of people here who understand and accept and support. Here you will also find "unconditional" love.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Mrs Dragon, I never meant to imply all of us here (F&F) are codependent. That is why I said (me). However, there is no shame in being codependent and it appears that those who may not be, think there is.
I have no doubt that I am and have been for many years - in one form or another. And the only shame for me would be that if I didn't change my way of thinking and behaving.
IMO, some people who proclaim that they are NOT codependent, heve done very little to learn about the subject. Just my humble opinion!!
I have no doubt that I am and have been for many years - in one form or another. And the only shame for me would be that if I didn't change my way of thinking and behaving.
IMO, some people who proclaim that they are NOT codependent, heve done very little to learn about the subject. Just my humble opinion!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
Originally Posted by LoveMeNot
Mrs Dragon, I never meant to imply all of us here (F&F) are codependent. That is why I said (me). However, there is no shame in being codependent and it appears that those who may not be, think there is.
I have no doubt that I am and have been for many years - in one form or another. And the only shame for me would be that if I didn't change my way of thinking and behaving.
IMO, some people who proclaim that they are NOT codependent, heve done very little to learn about the subject. Just my humble opinion!!
I have no doubt that I am and have been for many years - in one form or another. And the only shame for me would be that if I didn't change my way of thinking and behaving.
IMO, some people who proclaim that they are NOT codependent, heve done very little to learn about the subject. Just my humble opinion!!
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