I think my fiance is using drugs - Please help!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I'm glad you have your truck back. My ex took (stole) my car and didn't bring it back many many times. The last time, I was 9 months pregnant and ready to have a baby. He took off for days. I finally got the car back because he fell asleep at wheel while driving on the freeway with a crack pipe in his mouth. The police pulled him over because he was swerving. Luckily, they didn't impound the car because they saw I was about to have a baby and thought I would need some transportation. He ended up in jail. He was lucky he didn't kill anyone. Months later, I randomly got pulled over in my car. Apparently my plates were flagged because he had a warrant out for his arrest - he didn't show up for his court date.
This is a common manipulation tactic of addicts after they go on a binge. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I was sucked in many many times. I hope you learn faster than I did. I suggest you turn off your phone and go find something productive to do. No need to waste your time listening to an addict quack and grovel for forgiveness. Actions speak louder than text messages or words.
You are lucky. The critical nature of your emergency is passed. Time to do some serious self evaluation to decide if this is really what you want out of life. I think you deserve better. Don't you?
"Tell the dogs I love them. I have their pictures on my phone, so they will be the last thing I see. I love you honey. Maybe someday you can forgive me. I hope you are able to find happiness. All I want to do is come home and hug you."
You are lucky. The critical nature of your emergency is passed. Time to do some serious self evaluation to decide if this is really what you want out of life. I think you deserve better. Don't you?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by hello-kitty 
I'm glad you have your truck back. My ex took (stole) my car and didn't bring it back many many times. The last time, I was 9 months pregnant and ready to have a baby. He took off for days. I finally got the car back because he fell asleep at wheel while driving on the freeway with a crack pipe in his mouth. The police pulled him over because he was swerving. Luckily, they didn't impound the car because they saw I was about to have a baby and thought I would need some transportation. He ended up in jail. He was lucky he didn't kill anyone. Months later, I randomly got pulled over in my car. Apparently my plates were flagged because he had a warrant out for his arrest - he didn't show up for his court date.
This is a common manipulation tactic of addicts after they go on a binge. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I was sucked in many many times. I hope you learn faster than I did. I suggest you turn off your phone and go find something productive to do. No need to waste your time listening to an addict quack and grovel for forgiveness. Actions speak louder than text messages or words.
You are lucky. You have your car back. The critical nature of your emergency is passed. Time to do some serious self evaluation to decide if this is really what you want out of life. I think you deserve better. Don't you?
This is a common manipulation tactic of addicts after they go on a binge. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I was sucked in many many times. I hope you learn faster than I did. I suggest you turn off your phone and go find something productive to do. No need to waste your time listening to an addict quack and grovel for forgiveness. Actions speak louder than text messages or words.
You are lucky. You have your car back. The critical nature of your emergency is passed. Time to do some serious self evaluation to decide if this is really what you want out of life. I think you deserve better. Don't you?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 75
My opinion, for what it's worth, is to cut off contact with him. At least for a while. He WILL pull you back in when you talk to him. Take some time to really evaluate the situation. To decide what is best for YOU.
Honestly, given my personal experience and what I have read here from others, (and I know nothing about bath salts), but this sounds like a crack binge. Gone for DAYS, disappearing out of the blue, spends a few hundred dollars a day, refuses to contact anyone but his dealer, has no regard for you or what you are going through, no regard for your belongings or his job, manipulative/suicidal messages, justifies it by being bitter - accusing even....it is all FAR too familiar.
You know he is alive. He is where he is choosing to be. Take time for YOU. Go do something...yardwork, sewing, build something. Do something physical to help get your frustration out, keep you busy and make you feel productive.
I am still waiting to hear from mine. Tomorrow morning will be 7 days since he took his $30k custom motorcycle and sold it for pennies to continue down his road of self-destruction. I haven't heard ANYTHING from him. He sold his truck a week before. In that time I have had a tractor come (thanks to a good friend) to the house and am finishing preparations for a lawn at my house - something for ME that will help improve MY life. It keeps my busy. Helps me cope.
You are in my prayers and I wish you courage and strength.
Honestly, given my personal experience and what I have read here from others, (and I know nothing about bath salts), but this sounds like a crack binge. Gone for DAYS, disappearing out of the blue, spends a few hundred dollars a day, refuses to contact anyone but his dealer, has no regard for you or what you are going through, no regard for your belongings or his job, manipulative/suicidal messages, justifies it by being bitter - accusing even....it is all FAR too familiar.
You know he is alive. He is where he is choosing to be. Take time for YOU. Go do something...yardwork, sewing, build something. Do something physical to help get your frustration out, keep you busy and make you feel productive.
I am still waiting to hear from mine. Tomorrow morning will be 7 days since he took his $30k custom motorcycle and sold it for pennies to continue down his road of self-destruction. I haven't heard ANYTHING from him. He sold his truck a week before. In that time I have had a tractor come (thanks to a good friend) to the house and am finishing preparations for a lawn at my house - something for ME that will help improve MY life. It keeps my busy. Helps me cope.
You are in my prayers and I wish you courage and strength.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by mfox
My opinion, for what it's worth, is to cut off contact with him. At least for a while. He WILL pull you back in when you talk to him. Take some time to really evaluate the situation. To decide what is best for YOU.
Honestly, given my personal experience and what I have read here from others, (and I know nothing about bath salts), but this sounds like a crack binge. Gone for DAYS, disappearing out of the blue, spends a few hundred dollars a day, refuses to contact anyone but his dealer, has no regard for you or what you are going through, no regard for your belongings or his job, manipulative/suicidal messages, justifies it by being bitter - accusing even....it is all FAR too familiar.
You know he is alive. He is where he is choosing to be. Take time for YOU. Go do something...yardwork, sewing, build something. Do something physical to help get your frustration out, keep you busy and make you feel productive.
I am still waiting to hear from mine. Tomorrow morning will be 7 days since he took his $30k custom motorcycle and sold it for pennies to continue down his road of self-destruction. I haven't heard ANYTHING from him. He sold his truck a week before. In that time I have had a tractor come (thanks to a good friend) to the house and am finishing preparations for a lawn at my house - something for ME that will help improve MY life. It keeps my busy. Helps me cope.
You are in my prayers and I wish you courage and strength.
Honestly, given my personal experience and what I have read here from others, (and I know nothing about bath salts), but this sounds like a crack binge. Gone for DAYS, disappearing out of the blue, spends a few hundred dollars a day, refuses to contact anyone but his dealer, has no regard for you or what you are going through, no regard for your belongings or his job, manipulative/suicidal messages, justifies it by being bitter - accusing even....it is all FAR too familiar.
You know he is alive. He is where he is choosing to be. Take time for YOU. Go do something...yardwork, sewing, build something. Do something physical to help get your frustration out, keep you busy and make you feel productive.
I am still waiting to hear from mine. Tomorrow morning will be 7 days since he took his $30k custom motorcycle and sold it for pennies to continue down his road of self-destruction. I haven't heard ANYTHING from him. He sold his truck a week before. In that time I have had a tractor come (thanks to a good friend) to the house and am finishing preparations for a lawn at my house - something for ME that will help improve MY life. It keeps my busy. Helps me cope.
You are in my prayers and I wish you courage and strength.
You are right. Since he hasn't contacted me for at least a couple of hours now, I have calmed down a bit and have been able to focus on my work, my 3 dogs, and things around the house for now. It's whenever I hear from him and he starts with the emotional manipulation is when I turn into a complete mess again. I am wondering if the police have located him and that is why he has stopped texting me. They said they were working with Verizon (our cell carrier) to do a GPS lookup on his phone to try and find him and do a well being check on him. I am praying that everything will be okay and fall into place smoothly. I know that this really has nothing to do with me at this point, but I am SO mad that he has blown off his brand new job. My fiance is severely diabetic (insulin dependent) and has been off his medications for about a year now and his health has been declining, and the drugs aren't helping. This new job has AMAZING benefits at NO COST to him, which would mean he would be able to get all of his medications again and get his health back on track. His insurance is scheduled to start on November 1st, so not even a month away, but he's totally screwing it up by letting his addiction take over so strongly that he can't even be bothered to go to work!!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
I hope you will stop all contact with your boyfriend. He is in really deep right now. I hope he comes to realize that he needs help. You don't need all the drama that his lifestyle is creating. I'm so sorry you are going through this. It must be like a death in the family to see the person you love turn into someone you don't recognize any longer. So much potential and he is throwing it all away. Don't throw your life away, too. You have many choices to make. It appears you are already making good and sound ones. Continue to protect yourself, your home and your financial affairs. Change the locks on your home if you haven't already. Keep strong. You have some hard days ahead.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Many of us here have loved someone so much and lost them to addiction. It is very painful.
Many of us here have lost ourselves, our health, our sanity, our homes, our money, our jobs, our kids - because of someone's addiction.
No one's addict is special, addiction is addiction. Please take care of you!
Many of us here have lost ourselves, our health, our sanity, our homes, our money, our jobs, our kids - because of someone's addiction.
No one's addict is special, addiction is addiction. Please take care of you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 75
Don't be surprised if the text messages turn from "I love you, I miss you, I need you." to "why don't you even care, where are you when I need you most, how could you just abandon me."
Can you turn off your cell? Does your family have another way to contact you? Or can you block his messages? They will only mess with your head. I guess I'm fortunate in that respect - mine sold his phone so no chance of guilt trip messages.
This is stressful and hard and painful.... So I am working (sort of) eating chocolate, and plotting world domination (we need to have goals, right?) YOU will get better. He can get better, but it MUST BE ON HIS TERMS WITHOUT YOUR HELP.
Focus on YOU - and not with the end-game of getting him back in the long run. You love him - or who he USED to be. You love the fantasy you still want to live in. I love that, too. But it's time to create new dreams without drama and misery.
Yep, I am right here with you if you need anything.
Can you turn off your cell? Does your family have another way to contact you? Or can you block his messages? They will only mess with your head. I guess I'm fortunate in that respect - mine sold his phone so no chance of guilt trip messages.
This is stressful and hard and painful.... So I am working (sort of) eating chocolate, and plotting world domination (we need to have goals, right?) YOU will get better. He can get better, but it MUST BE ON HIS TERMS WITHOUT YOUR HELP.
Focus on YOU - and not with the end-game of getting him back in the long run. You love him - or who he USED to be. You love the fantasy you still want to live in. I love that, too. But it's time to create new dreams without drama and misery.
Yep, I am right here with you if you need anything.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by mfox
Don't be surprised if the text messages turn from "I love you, I miss you, I need you." to "why don't you even care, where are you when I need you most, how could you just abandon me."
Can you turn off your cell? Does your family have another way to contact you? Or can you block his messages? They will only mess with your head. I guess I'm fortunate in that respect - mine sold his phone so no chance of guilt trip messages.
This is stressful and hard and painful.... So I am working (sort of) eating chocolate, and plotting world domination (we need to have goals, right?) YOU will get better. He can get better, but it MUST BE ON HIS TERMS WITHOUT YOUR HELP.
Focus on YOU - and not with the end-game of getting him back in the long run. You love him - or who he USED to be. You love the fantasy you still want to live in. I love that, too. But it's time to create new dreams without drama and misery.
Yep, I am right here with you if you need anything.
Can you turn off your cell? Does your family have another way to contact you? Or can you block his messages? They will only mess with your head. I guess I'm fortunate in that respect - mine sold his phone so no chance of guilt trip messages.
This is stressful and hard and painful.... So I am working (sort of) eating chocolate, and plotting world domination (we need to have goals, right?) YOU will get better. He can get better, but it MUST BE ON HIS TERMS WITHOUT YOUR HELP.
Focus on YOU - and not with the end-game of getting him back in the long run. You love him - or who he USED to be. You love the fantasy you still want to live in. I love that, too. But it's time to create new dreams without drama and misery.
Yep, I am right here with you if you need anything.
Just a couple of weeks ago when he first got this new job, he was SO excited and ecstatic about the great pay and benefits. I think what it really is is that this job is interfering with his addiction and binges and that's the only reason he doesn't want to go to work.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by mfox
Oh my goodness! Yours and mine are actually THE SAME PERSON! Holy dejavu moment!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 75
Okay, so, I'm pretty sure a lot of this has been eye-opening for BOTH of us and I am so grateful you are on here and telling MY story (for a while there I thought I was somehow original and special - you totally ruined THAT illusion!). I may have been going through this longer than you, but EVERYTHING you are going through, hearing and feeling - I have been there.
Mine left for work at a new job that he had for 2 months (after months of unemployment) - and never went to work. He has health issues and his insurance was to start this last Monday. So much for that. Yep, apparently I don't care about him and I am just a gold-digger (oh, wait, MY car, MY house, MY money - because I work! - how is it I am after HIS money when he doesn't have ANY and yet I've stayed with him?) There are so many parallels, as I'm sure there are with anyone who is involved with an addict.
I say it's OUR turn. OUR turn to do what's right for US. No matter how painful the journey may start off, it will be worth it in the end.
Mine left for work at a new job that he had for 2 months (after months of unemployment) - and never went to work. He has health issues and his insurance was to start this last Monday. So much for that. Yep, apparently I don't care about him and I am just a gold-digger (oh, wait, MY car, MY house, MY money - because I work! - how is it I am after HIS money when he doesn't have ANY and yet I've stayed with him?) There are so many parallels, as I'm sure there are with anyone who is involved with an addict.
I say it's OUR turn. OUR turn to do what's right for US. No matter how painful the journey may start off, it will be worth it in the end.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 75
If you let him come home, it won't stop. It won't end. It will get worse. He will steal from you, your friends, your family. He will take your soul if you let him. I can only give you advice and encouragement. But stop, look yourself in the mirror and realize how much more you deserve. YOU are better than this.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I am glad that you have your truck back. Why can't you block him on your phone? If you
can't do it on your phone your provider can.
Your reading his texts serves no purpose, he is just attempting to manipulate you. It has worked before so he has the past on his side, he knows what works with you.
I would imagine that you will take him off your insurance policy...right?
can't do it on your phone your provider can.
Your reading his texts serves no purpose, he is just attempting to manipulate you. It has worked before so he has the past on his side, he knows what works with you.
I would imagine that you will take him off your insurance policy...right?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by mfox
Okay, so, I'm pretty sure a lot of this has been eye-opening for BOTH of us and I am so grateful you are on here and telling MY story (for a while there I thought I was somehow original and special - you totally ruined THAT illusion!). I may have been going through this longer than you, but EVERYTHING you are going through, hearing and feeling - I have been there.
Mine left for work at a new job that he had for 2 months (after months of unemployment) - and never went to work. He has health issues and his insurance was to start this last Monday. So much for that. Yep, apparently I don't care about him and I am just a gold-digger (oh, wait, MY car, MY house, MY money - because I work! - how is it I am after HIS money when he doesn't have ANY and yet I've stayed with him?) There are so many parallels, as I'm sure there are with anyone who is involved with an addict.
I say it's OUR turn. OUR turn to do what's right for US. No matter how painful the journey may start off, it will be worth it in the end.
Mine left for work at a new job that he had for 2 months (after months of unemployment) - and never went to work. He has health issues and his insurance was to start this last Monday. So much for that. Yep, apparently I don't care about him and I am just a gold-digger (oh, wait, MY car, MY house, MY money - because I work! - how is it I am after HIS money when he doesn't have ANY and yet I've stayed with him?) There are so many parallels, as I'm sure there are with anyone who is involved with an addict.
I say it's OUR turn. OUR turn to do what's right for US. No matter how painful the journey may start off, it will be worth it in the end.
Oh, and all the months he was unemployed, I fully financially supported him all by myself!!!! Because of me, he had a roof over his head, a warm bed, food, drinks, TV, internet, electricity, fancy cell phone, hot showers, and a nice SUV to drive!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by interrupted
Are we sure that "I can't do this job anymore" isn't actually "I was canned for no call/no show in the first two weeks"?
Not that it matters. It doesn't.
Not that it matters. It doesn't.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by runner1981
He wasn't. I called his job this morning and they are expecting him back Monday. He has this weekend off.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by LoveMeNot
Isn't that really his responsibility? Giving him a soft place to land will only keep his addiction thriving.
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