He is moving out!
You're married......don't you think you deserve some of that commission check?
That sucks that he's your only job reference! I disagree though. I think you can absolutely tell a potential employer that he's your soon to be ex and he has issues that he hasn't properly addressed.
Too bad you and I can't be roommates.
That sucks that he's your only job reference! I disagree though. I think you can absolutely tell a potential employer that he's your soon to be ex and he has issues that he hasn't properly addressed.
Too bad you and I can't be roommates.
You're married......don't you think you deserve some of that commission check?
That sucks that he's your only job reference! I disagree though. I think you can absolutely tell a potential employer that he's your soon to be ex and he has issues that he hasn't properly addressed.
Too bad you and I can't be roommates.
That sucks that he's your only job reference! I disagree though. I think you can absolutely tell a potential employer that he's your soon to be ex and he has issues that he hasn't properly addressed.
Too bad you and I can't be roommates.
Hey, I offered to be your personal assistant. lol
You're funny!
In our state, there's still a duty for a husband to support his wife. Maybe you should just leave him and file for alimony/maintenance. Actually, stay put and file for divorce, ask for support, and ask for him to be temporarily responsible for maintaining the house payment and utilities. Just think of all the marital assets he's wasted on drugs. Income is included.
In our state, there's still a duty for a husband to support his wife. Maybe you should just leave him and file for alimony/maintenance. Actually, stay put and file for divorce, ask for support, and ask for him to be temporarily responsible for maintaining the house payment and utilities. Just think of all the marital assets he's wasted on drugs. Income is included.
You're funny!
In our state, there's still a duty for a husband to support his wife. Maybe you should just leave him and file for alimony/maintenance. Actually, stay put and file for divorce, ask for support, and ask for him to be temporarily responsible for maintaining the house payment and utilities. Just think of all the marital assets he's wasted on drugs. Income is included.
In our state, there's still a duty for a husband to support his wife. Maybe you should just leave him and file for alimony/maintenance. Actually, stay put and file for divorce, ask for support, and ask for him to be temporarily responsible for maintaining the house payment and utilities. Just think of all the marital assets he's wasted on drugs. Income is included.
I just need to wait until my bankruptcy is over and done with. My 800 credit score is now crap because of my own stupity. Oh well, I can't turn back the clock. Live and learn!!
If you're serious this time...get your ducks in a row. Try to make a copy of that check, along with copies of all W-2 or 1090 statements, the past 7 years tax returns, all bank accounts, any investments, copies of any and all proof of income and put them in a safe deposit box. Shut down any joint accounts and open new ones in your name at a different bank. Get a copy of your credit reports from all 3 agencies and then close down any joint cards and open new ones in your name only. Seek legal counsel and get a legal separation going ASAP, this will protect you from any of his future debt. Right now your adrenaline is pumping, but soon reality will set in and you will need time to mourn the loss of the marriage. Now would be a good time to double up on meetings and time in therapy.
We have no more joint accounts, I have copies of his bank statements and I have filed personal bankruptcy. My state does not have legal separation but I will be filing for divorce and hopefully I can get a lawyer who makes him pay. I still need retainer money though.
Or my friend used a para-legal. I am in a no fault state. I could probably try it that way. I am sure I can do it myself. He has completely bankrupted us. I am letting the bank take the house because I refuse to be locked into a 5 yr chapter 13 with him.
It's time to rebuild on my own!!
Wasn't there a time when just SAYING he was going to leave...caused Fear?
In order for him to manipulate you, he has to raise the level of his actions.
Sit back and laugh LMN....because, really....they act like teenagers throwing a tantrum.
I float in and out of all of these feelings daily....so I get it. And it totally sucks.
I can see and hear that he is fighting the demon within. His wanting to move out means he wants to use. His addiction is calling him.
I will not attempt to control him! I will not attempt to rescue him! Whatever happens, I am going to be OK. It's his life, his choices, his recovery or not! I have my own demons to deal with, I can only control me.
I will not let my own fears or anxiety control me, my thoughts and actions. I am letting go and letting God.
However, if he thinks he can take pills and live here (even while looking for a place) - somebody may have to bail me out of jail! Obviously, I still have a lot of work to do on me, lol
I will not attempt to control him! I will not attempt to rescue him! Whatever happens, I am going to be OK. It's his life, his choices, his recovery or not! I have my own demons to deal with, I can only control me.
I will not let my own fears or anxiety control me, my thoughts and actions. I am letting go and letting God.
However, if he thinks he can take pills and live here (even while looking for a place) - somebody may have to bail me out of jail! Obviously, I still have a lot of work to do on me, lol
To my surprise, my husband became humble, apologized and admitted he has a long road ahead of him. He gave me the all the money and told me to pay whatever needed to be paid and to put the rest away in my account.
I am not sure how I feel about things right now. I now understand why people should not be with someone in early recovery. The roller coaster of emotions can still exist. However, this time - I did not get on. I stood firm, kept my boundaries, and I did not attempt to control or rescue. It's his battle and he must fight it alone.
I am pleased to say...he did acknowledge a big difference in my attitude and told me he was glad to see me becoming stronger to his "nonsense."
More will be revealed.
I am not sure how I feel about things right now. I now understand why people should not be with someone in early recovery. The roller coaster of emotions can still exist. However, this time - I did not get on. I stood firm, kept my boundaries, and I did not attempt to control or rescue. It's his battle and he must fight it alone.
I am pleased to say...he did acknowledge a big difference in my attitude and told me he was glad to see me becoming stronger to his "nonsense."
More will be revealed.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 94
To my surprise, my husband became humble, apologized and admitted he has a long road ahead of him. He gave me the all the money and told me to pay whatever needed to be paid and to put the rest away in my account.
I am not sure how I feel about things right now. I now understand why people should not be with someone in early recovery. The roller coaster of emotions can still exist. However, this time - I did not get on. I stood firm, kept my boundaries, and I did not attempt to control or rescue. It's his battle and he must fight it alone.
I am pleased to say...he did acknowledge a big difference in my attitude and told me he was glad to see me becoming stronger to his "nonsense."
More will be revealed.
I am not sure how I feel about things right now. I now understand why people should not be with someone in early recovery. The roller coaster of emotions can still exist. However, this time - I did not get on. I stood firm, kept my boundaries, and I did not attempt to control or rescue. It's his battle and he must fight it alone.
I am pleased to say...he did acknowledge a big difference in my attitude and told me he was glad to see me becoming stronger to his "nonsense."
More will be revealed.
I've been struggling with the loss of my ABF who is in early recovery. What I've learned in the last week since the breakup is that the roller coaster of early sobriety is very real for me as well as him. I have to anticipate that I will be on the roller coaster for awhile and plan ahead. One way would be to minimize my time on the roller coaster by limiting contact with him (although I haven't mastered that one and still cave in) and setting up many more supports in my life. (I have done well with that and added group therapy and extra Alanon to my week's lineup)
Your post about his newfound respect for not taking his BS reminded me of something new for me: I notice that he doesn't protest as he would have before when I assert boundaries. He stills cross my lines sometimes, but I think my decreasing tolerance for the BS has been interpreted as renewed respect for me and my space. So that's one good thing.
Sending you many hugs and support.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 285
LMN - Stay Strong. You are doing the right thing and focusing on you. If you want some advice from someone who has been on the roller coaster many times. Take that money and pay the bills as fast as possible. It's great that he acknowledges and is taking steps to take accountability and responsibility. However, there is a very high probability that the actions will shift again. Begin preparing yourself. When you are ready, there may be other options for you. I researched the laws in my state, which is also a no fault state. There are grounds for divorce and addiction is one of the reasons to claim extreme cruelty, there is also economic misconduct and criminal malfeseance (sp?). There was also an emergency order to show cause, where I was able to get him to leave the house. Granted, he landed in some pretty heavy legal issues all in one day, which gave me solid proof. Not sure of your personal situation or your state- just thought I'd give you some alternatives. I called 9 lawyers before I was able to get a lawyer to agree to a fraction of the retainer. Stay focused on you.
Thank you SupportforMe! Great info to know.
I have been "preparing" for a while now. I have stashed away money that he can never get his hands on. I have made a back up plan too. Also, he isn't on my bank account anymore so I know that money is safe. Apparently, some of his NA buddies really laid into him after the meeting. It's nice to know they are holding him accountable too.
He is only 20 something days clean after his relapse (after 80 something days clean) - he seems to be motivated but is still struggling. Regardless, my recovery is what matters to me now and I will not be sucked into his "problems" ever again.
I have been "preparing" for a while now. I have stashed away money that he can never get his hands on. I have made a back up plan too. Also, he isn't on my bank account anymore so I know that money is safe. Apparently, some of his NA buddies really laid into him after the meeting. It's nice to know they are holding him accountable too.
He is only 20 something days clean after his relapse (after 80 something days clean) - he seems to be motivated but is still struggling. Regardless, my recovery is what matters to me now and I will not be sucked into his "problems" ever again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
Good for you for staying strong with your boundaries. My RABF is 2 years clean, and still struggles sometimes. You are right, living with somebody in recovery is a huge roller coaster, but there are things we can do to make the ride better. It must be hard for you with him threatening to leave and then apologizing. That up and down stuff can drive you crazy.
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