mstrust

I have an addict brother. (I'm also trying to retrain myself to use capital letters where appropriate.) I'm not sure he has a DOC...I used to think it was coke, but he overdosed on heroin in my parents' basement a few years ago, has had alcohol problems, and who knows what else. He's been in and out of legal trouble for years. Right now, he is out of jail and spending most of his time in my parents' basement on the couch. He says he is between jobs, but I think there's more to the story than that. He is going to be 33 in December. He has stolen endless money from my parents as well as pawnable items--his new laptop he got for Christmas one year was gone in approximately two weeks. "Someone stole it." RIIIIIIGHT.

He told me last week when I was there that he is clean although he asked me to smoke pot with him which I informed him that I no longer do--I'm at 26/27 days clean from that now (I've mentioned it only in passing on SR, so far). His attitude that day was rather poor. A few days later, stopped by their house again and he wasn't there. Dad said he went to the store and would be right back. When driving home, I found him walking way past store. Asked him what was up, he said he decided to go for a walk and basically walked off on me. Attitude sucked, again.

Anyway, I was doing laundry at the parents' tonight due to my broken washer. I went down to the basement to check status of washer. He was in the bathroom with the door shut and you need to walk through bathroom to get to laundry. When I came downstairs to check again, he was out and said he had been in there using the bathroom. There was no evidence that happened--not to be gross...I think you know what I mean and I don't need to elaborate. Mood was quite different than it had been the other day.

I started taking laundry out of the washer and I noticed little pieces of paper in bottom of machine as well as in my clothes. A check... I thought for sure that I must have screwed up and left a client's check in my pants...but this was from PA and we live in NH. The check was made out to a gas station in MD...and the check belonged to a woman I've never heard of. Instantly, I thought he must have somehow gotten a hold of this check and stolen from her bank account. I have no way of knowing, but that's his M.O. And I know the check came from his clothes because he did laundry right before I did.

Do I try to get in touch with the woman? Do I leave it alone? I have her full name and address because it was on the check. I don't need this in addition to everything else, so maybe I should just let it go...I'm just afraid it's only a matter of time before he starts taking from my parents again.

crazybabie

I understand your wanting to contact the woman but that goes against everything we have learned Hands Off the Addict

Your parents know what he has done to them they know it can happen again I really do not think you can save your parents anymore than you can save your brother. IMHO

mstrust

Thank you for the reassurance. I was leaning toward doing nothing at all...and I think that's where I will land. I will say that when I left my mother a check for money I owed her, I hid it so my brother wouldn't get MY account number. That's enough for me. The rest, it's a matter of time if he is relapsing again before that comes out on its own.

outtolunch

Is there reason to have contact with someone whose behavior bothers you so much?

Have you considered taking your laundry to a laundromat?

You have no more control over your parent's choices than you do your brother's.

mstrust

i know i have no control. been there, tried that. my father is the number one enabler. my mother is fed up. it bothers me what he has done and might do to them, but yeah...there's nothing i can do about it.

as far as my laundry goes, i prefer not to go to a laundrymat for a few reasons. one is that it costs money and i have little. i can probably find a friend that would let me use their washer here and there until i can get another one though.

i wish my parents would just kick him out and make him live like any other 33 year old who is capable. not my problem. i'm learning. these things take time.

mstrust

Awesome. Gotta love the communication in my family. Turns out my instincts were spot on. Brother is using again. Overdosed on heroin again over a week ago while my mother was in Las Vegas. Dad found him and called 911. Dad won't kick him out. Mom won't talk about it. I found out only because my father was short with me on the phone when I called today--"What?? I'm trying to make a call!!" Like I should've known. Asked Mom later WTH his problem was. He was trying to get my brother's uninspected, unregistered vehicle back from next town over...where my brother left it when it wouldn't start to get him back home. Idiot. Then Mom told me the rest.

I'm just hoping he gets arrested for possession and goes back to jail/prison. Or he works something and gets into rehab. Again, don't need this in addition to the rest. Told my mother I won't get all wrapped up in it again because I can't. She wishes she could run away.

JMFburns

Sorry mstrust. The best thing you can do is stay as far away as possible from the drama/crap. You don't need it.

Neither does Mom, she can "run away" whenever she decides she is "sick and tired or being sick and tired". She doesn't have to continue to stay with husband & son - even if she walked away temporarily until the situation changes. For example until the son is told to leave the house by the husband.