I need help...
 

Today is the day I have decided to get myself some help. I am the mom of a 25 yr old addict and I realized today that I cant fix him. No matter how hard I try... I cant fix him. No matter what help I offer him...I cant fix him. No matter how many times we tell him how much we love him....I cant fix him. I realized that I am consuming my life with worry 24 hours a day and he doesnt want to help himself. He doesnt seem to care. I realize that ....if I continue on this journey of worry and dismay I will probably have a heart attack. I am broken. I need help for myself. I need to hand him up to God. Thanks for listening...xo

puddinface, what a powerful realization to embrace!

That realization took me years to come to. My AS is 27 and I have released him to the care of the everlasting Spirit (God). I help him when he is helping himself only when that help does not break me emotionally or financially

He does not live with me, nor will he ever live with me. He functions in fits and starts. One low paying job after another. Debtors hot on his trail. Bounced checks. Car title loans and repossession. One step away from eviction.

But, he claims he is not a drug addict. I don't argue with him. I know he is.

I also realized that my health would not suffer because of his choices. Nor would my ability to embrace life and love.

May your journey with your AS be one in which YOU find sobriety. And, we will all pray for your AS's sobriety should he choose to attempt that path.

with compassion,

Peaceandgrace

(((Hugs)))) I know that pain that I hear in your post but there is a lot of power there too!! It is a difficult realization but when you start working on supporting yourself moments of peace will come.

Maybe it is a bit soon to ask but have you some ideas on how you are going to support the healing you need?

There will be many ideas and suggestions forthcoming from others but when I was in your place I spent a couple of days in my PJs away from everyone in a deep sadness but also a determination to decide what I needed to do for me. Then.....I reached out and activated my support base!!! That base has changed over time but one thing I know for sure......I never would have made it on my own.

Hold on tight to yourself and to all of us here. You are walking in good company.

Once I finally realized that I could help myself and began taking steps to do so.....my life began to improve. I knew that my dear son had his journey and I had mine. I can honestly say that today....my life is better......even though my son continues his path in active addiction.

It takes courage to change......when we walk with courage toward a happier life, we can always hope that we are lighting the path for others. You and your dear son will be in my prayers.

gentle hugs
ke

Puddinface, you are not alone. So many of us on this board have been exactly where you are, and we know how painful it is. You're right - you can't fix him. No matter what you do, it rolls off him like he's made of Teflon. You try love, anger, bargaining, threats, bribes, and nothing, nothing, nothing works. Every day, you are working harder on his recovery than he is, and you realize that he is not working on it at all.

You have to let go. It accomplishes nothing positive for you to allow him to destroy you along with himself. He's going to do what he's going to do, and you can't control it. You can't even influence it. Let go. If he finds recovery, it will be because he chooses it, and it will (or won't) happen in its own time, no matter what you do. It's time to refocus your attention on your own life and to take care of you.

We are listening. We are hearing you.

The world has millions of recovering addicts. Do the right things, what the experts tell you, and do not give up hope.

May you find a way to let go and release him while still loving him. The future remains unwritten, so do not give up hope.

I have only been on SR for a day and a half and have gained such insight. Your decision has empowered me to stick to mine. Take care of yourself...and hold onto hope. My 19 yr old AD starts day 1 of 28 today, and I am scared as hell that she is there because I gave her ultimatum...DO 28 days or do not come home! I am going to think positively...going to Alanon meeting (my first) at noon then bringing her bags to her.
Stay Strong...and thank you

Remember, HopeforTaylor, you gave your daughter a CHOICE. She could just as easily have run and refused your given choices. A soul friend of mine's daughter chose to run rather than go to rehab at 18.

That she is in rehab is a positive sign.

There is always hope even in the darkest nightmares addiction brings. Tighten your seatbelt and hang on tight.

I find that we are all walking together in love for our children on this forum.

with compassion,

Peaceandgrace

Thank you! Thank You! Thank You!...and a thousand more thank yous! I always know where to come when I need strength and reinforcement! I have got him an appointment next Tuesday for an evaluation to enter into some type of program. He is receptive to talk one-on-one with someone as opposed to group...he is very socially awkward. It is a first step....another glimmer of hope....as I always think to myself. Fingers crossed...As far as myself, besides my wonderful support here....I may look locally for some NA meetings. One step at a time...

Hello PF, When we let go and let God, miracles can and do happen. The hardest part of that process is the TRUST that you can let go and the earth will keep turning. You will keep breathing and your loved one will keep doing what they will do UNTIL they choose. I hold strong hope since my son was MIA for over 4 months (I had no idea where he was or what he was doing!) and he finally surrendered (literally!) and is now realizing the utter mess of a life he chose for himself. God is so much bigger and better at this that we are LOL.
Have faith, let him go and let him choose. This site is full of success stories of other Momma's who came to this place of release.
Hugs,
Teresa