functioning addict ?
 

my wife has used everything under the sun from about 18 and is now 38. she seems to have a tolerance for anything.

she goes through a cycle of about 1 year... hits rock bottom and then gets back on her methadone , then as the amount drops she starts using again.

she can hold down a good job at the same time which is odd. her normal pattern is to finish work get home, make up something and go out for an hour, then home again and into the bathroom for ages. then its like a zombie and acting odd for a while like cleaning or watching tv with her eyes closed.

what gets me is the lie's they tell it makes me laugh that they think im stupid.

ive had enough but feel bad for wanting out, plus i have a 5 year old boy and a good job which i guess i cant keep as i go away alot. im scared to leave my little one at home with her although i guess he will be ok.

any advice or ideas would help

A minor child should never be left with an active user. If you have a good job, then go for custody and hire a nannie to take proper care of him.

Take some time to read all the stickeys at the top of this forum and look into going to Naranon meetings.

Your first responsibility is to your son, he hears and sees everything and will take his chikldhood into adulthood, he deserves better.

I agree you son deserves better as do you your wife is not capable of parenting she is in active addiction just because she functions doesn't mean she can be a good parent at this time.

My advice contact an attorney be honest with them about your wife see where you stand and make your plan from there.

Get out. Your son deserves a healthy envioronment. If you see her weird behavior, so does he.

I'm so sorry to be blunt, and I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Good luck.

Please don't leave your son behind. Addiction is a family disease and it will destroy him; his self esteem, trust in others etc! I was an adult and it nearly destroyed me. I had a choice to leave, your son doesn't!

Reading your post brought chills to my spine. I also lived with the high functioning addict for years. I was the primary income and was fortunate to have my mom stay here when I was away on business. This disease progresses. I didn't listen to all the warnings that I received here. I always thought - no he would never do that. Unfortunately, I had a reality check earlier this year. He was pulled over for a hit and run, he got a dui, they found prescriptions on him. The police showed up at my door to search our home. I had to explain to our little boys about addiction. I agreed to have them search the home to prove that I had nothing to do with his actions. Then, federal agents contacted me at work to interview me. I have never broken the law, I am a senior executive for a major firm....addiction progresses. I cooperated with authorities to prove that I was a stable parent. I stayed in a marriage thinking that I would hurt my boys if I left. What I realized is that by staying I endangered the welfare of my children and their safety. Addiction has devastated us emotionally and financially. Thankfully, I have the strength and capacity to provide a stable life for my boys. Now, I'm in the process of rebuilding our lives. Please protect your son. He is not OK with an active addict. She is no longer in control and is trapped by her addiction. Please get yourself help - you will need it.

She may be "functioning" today... but maybe not in a year, month, or even tomorrow. Please get your son out of that environment.

Your all right but why do I feel so bad about doing it.

I came home today earlie and went through the house and found a stash of pins and heroin. When she got home and went straight to the bathroom I checked and sure enough the bag was gone.

It reappeared after she came out.

I sort of confronted her but she is so calm about it and always blaming me for thing like not showing any effection or our current money shortage.

I can never win when confronting her.

Made a move tonight will speak to my work so they know my problem and speak to her parents as they know she is an addict but don't know what she is doing.

Next step I don't know.

You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it

She is blame shifting and you feel bad because you love her? possibly your codependent?
Have you taken the time to read they stickies? Have you considered any meetings for yourself? Heaven forbid one of the kids get hold of her stuff.

Please do not leave your little boy in her care.Ever.

My EXABF and his brother were abandoned by their dad to the care of their alcoholic/addict mom, they both grew up to be addicts. The brother died of an overdose 15 or so years ago.

Get your boy away from her.

My doctor is also my Ex's doctor and he told me "do not leave your daughter alone with him, you never know what could go through his head". And he isn't shooting up, just snorting it.

Among other things my Ex is really good at forgetting doors open (patio doors by the pool) and forgetting knives on coffee table. I've also found a flap of dope on my bedroom floor once, before we moved out.

Go to Alanon. Addicted parents are in no situation to protect their children or even providing basic care for them.

Your number one priority is your son....full stop! Focus on what you want his childhood and life to look like and that will guide you.

An addict cannot parent!! No way...at all...you cannot leave an innocent child in the care of an addict ever. With all due respect...and I know you are dealing with a lot personally...you must step back, be the adult and protect your child. After that you can deal with whatever else needs attention....

all great advice my next step is to get custody before she runs out the door with him. as im UK i will have to find out the way ahead.