Blogs


Notices

im guess im feeling a little tired of this.

Old 09-29-2012, 12:13 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: san diego california
Posts: 36
Blog Entries: 3
im guess im feeling a little tired of this.

I have not been on here for a few month do ti my tablet and phone braking but im bad on board. Things once again have been good the bad... it seems im livng this rollar coaster tat nevr ends..... i miss my life when i was not dealin with an addict but now it seems to e MY WHOLE life... trying to make sure he ha everyting he needs so he wont flip out on my andhurt himself or me cuzit hashappened in the past... i lovehim to death and he keepsntring to be clean but he goes for awiengen he breaks, all his friend do it so itshard for him to be round itnd do it but he is getting stronger, i know im a codependant and i jus cant let him go cuz i know he is trying... for those of you who dont know my story here is a fast not detailed story,,,,, my boyfriend of 8months is struggling wih aheroin ad meth addiction..... i didnt knw bout his before but about 4 minths ago he came clean to me about he heroin that inknew nothin about. I knew abiut the meth to an extent... but since that day he came to me he was clean for a whole three months then relasped once and told me andhasbeen doig good since then..... the meth hasbeen cutt down almost to completely him ot buying any jusif he is around his friens.... he is cutting back major.... so thats an update.... but he does wanna stop it all but cant do an impatient which he has mentioned to me but he now works a full time 730 to 330 job mon thr friday then about 20 to 25 hour week from 430 to 1100 so he works alot and cant loose his jobs.. and doesnt have much time... i know it needs ti be priority to him andi know i cantmake him ir cintrol him but i just canthelp but et him boher me ... im always wonering what he isup to ceckingour accunt miles and questionig him and i hate it... its causng me somuch stress and not sleeping good wakin up to every noise wondering ifitsnhim doing somehing.. im always thinking he isup to something and i hatenthat... but i d see hope at this point but inneedsome peace now.... i know i cant do much but wat ill help gie me peace ??? I have tried to keep busy doin things seeng my frinds ad stuff sl i wont be so invested in him but there has to be more..... ay ideas????feeelings???? Advice????
princesssarrah is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to princesssarrah For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (09-30-2012), Impurrfect (09-29-2012)
Old 09-29-2012, 04:04 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
If he thinks about it, losing his job is no big deal, he's probably spending all his money on dope anyway.

If he really wanted to stop he would put that first in his life and actually "do" something about it. Sadly, that's rarely the case, they would prefer that we think they have stopped..or will stop next week...or will stop when ___ happens..but it's all words until they take positive action to stop.

What you need to decide dear, is how long you want to live like this. You can't stop him, you can't save him and you are not the solution to his problem...but you can be the solution to your own.

Would you not rather have healthy relationships with your friends and feel healthy yourself instead of living in the darkness of his addiction?

You can if you want to...but what I suggested for him applies to you...first you have to take some positive action to get yourself distanced from all this instead of living under the shadow of his addiction.

You can do it and if you do, you will be okay and happy again one day soon. I promise.

Hugs
Ann is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Ann For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (09-30-2012), hello-kitty (09-30-2012), Impurrfect (09-29-2012), laurie6781 (09-29-2012), LoveMeNow (09-29-2012), mstrust (09-29-2012), Sunshine2 (09-30-2012)
Old 09-29-2012, 07:44 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: san diego california
Posts: 36
Blog Entries: 3
Its sohard because i do love him .... i wan t him better and want me to bebetter too evrytime i think about leaing i either get talked out of it or i feel badbecuasehe hs no where else to go.. i kno no excuse im just so lost andi hate it
princesssarrah is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to princesssarrah For This Useful Post:
Ann (09-29-2012), crazybabie (09-30-2012)
Old 09-29-2012, 07:54 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It's okay, you don't have to do anything today. But if you know anything about addiction, you know that nothing you do or don't do will make a whit of difference whether he uses or not.

Perhaps make a plan for what you would do if you just couldn't take it anymore..and then keep it in mind if things get worse.

Hugs
Ann is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Ann For This Useful Post:
crazybabie (09-30-2012), hello-kitty (09-30-2012), Impurrfect (09-29-2012)
Old 09-29-2012, 09:07 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
allforcnm's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Hi PrincessSarah

I remember you posting from a few months ago because it was not too long after I joined this forum because of my husband. I have thought about you over these months and wondered how you were doing.

It is positive that your boyfriend has cut back on his use; from what I recall a few months ago there were times when he would get very moody, and sometimes he wasn’t talking very nice to you. Has that situation improved?

Its also positive that you are remembering to keep in contact with your friends, and do things that you are interested in. I have found that it helps me a lot to stay interested in my own activities, because then I feel stronger, and know that there are a lot of things that I do enjoy, and can do all on my own.

I can understand how you want to find something to bring you peace and calm. When you spend your time worrying, and checking up on him, and looking for signs that he is using – what is it that you are really gaining from that? Its almost impossible not to worry some; but when it causes you so much stress and anxiety and loss of sleep, then that is a sign its become a serious problem for you, so Im really glad that you came here and reached out to share your feelings. Sometimes it helps just to put it out there so you get another view / opinion.

If I remember correct, a few months ago you were thinking about attending some meetings that were close to you. Did you ever give that a try? It might help to meet others face to face who share the same types of situations, worries and fears.

With my husband, I try not to analyze too many of the little things because for me I think that type of thing could turn into something really obsessive. And really what Ive realized is that I can tell how he is doing just by the interaction between us, and how he is acting when we are face to face; his attitude, and in general if he is taking care of himself.

So when you think about how things are between the two of you when you are face to face – how are things? Do you enjoy spending time together? Does he treat you good? Or is it just that you are finding yourself always watching and worrying about him, unable to focus on anything else ?
allforcnm is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to allforcnm For This Useful Post:
Ann (09-29-2012), crazybabie (09-30-2012), Impurrfect (09-29-2012)
Old 09-30-2012, 03:19 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: san diego california
Posts: 36
Blog Entries: 3
Him and are havethe best of time together.. thats the problem ist hard o leave him becuase i have this loe for him and enjiy his company he is my best friend...... but becuase i care about him i know i need to do whats best for him...i find myself smiling les and dont enjoy things much any more... im nust so lost and yes im proud of him for cutting down but im just still so heart broken i dont know what to do....
No i dint go to any meeting yet i just feel embarrassed and dont wanna go alone.... i hate having to worry what he us doing and loosing sleep andbeing so stressed out like i dont know to control it would i rather not know? Im not sure... not kowig drivesmenuts and kowing hurts me so bad... im guess im just gettin tired of it all and i feel so lost in his addiction too andi hate it but love him.. i have never even tried drugs i dont even drink so ts so hard for me to deal wit all this.... he asked me tonight if i know that he loved me nd i said i dont know becuase everyting else that comes out ofyour moth is alie mostly so how and why should i believe that when you keaveme with broken promises so how do i kow... i wanna know you love me but i feel when you loe someone you wouldnt d this to them or hurt them rigt???
Btw allforcm howsyour husband doing??? How are you?
princesssarrah is offline  
Old 09-30-2012, 12:59 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: san diego california
Posts: 36
Blog Entries: 3
i feel so depressed today
princesssarrah is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:24 PM.