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My 15-year-old son has relapsed

Old 09-28-2012, 02:56 PM
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My 15-year-old son has relapsed

He fell off a cliff on vacation in Vermont; spent four days in the hospital; spent three weeks on homebound instruction. During that time we went to AA meetings together and he seemed to love them. He had a half-day at school today (he went back to school Monday), and we attended another meeting. He seemed to love it, and the people who have come to love him, including my own sponsor.

But I know through his private FB messages that he is smoking "legal." Also, the morphine pills that I so stupidly left in my purse were pilfered. He either took them, gave them away to friends, or sold them.

I learned all this yesterday. Received a lot of support from my sponsor. I am goign away this weekend with my husband, who I have not told. We are both exhausted--me from caring for my son and a writing deadline, him from a job that keeps him away from home most of the time. We hardly see each other; we need to take care of each other. And he has issues of his own--food issues--and telling him will not help me or my son. Nor will staying home because my son has relapsed. He is at a football game tonight. Also at the football game: his probation officer, to whom I have related this whole story.

I have my support group.
When I return from my weekend, I start Al-Anon meetings.
My son does not know that I know. But his parole officer will have him tested next week, at a place that can test for legal (if the "recipe" hasn't changed). After that...another rehab? Or will he pass the test? I don't know, and I give him to God.

My son has a God, and it is not me.
I always knew he would relapse...he is 15, and doesn't yet know his own powerlessness.
And yet, God is good, all the time.

More lessons for this mamma to learn.
God, I trust and believe.
God, help me love my son the way you do.
God, help me.
Mamma Posse, please help me.
God, Thy will be done, not mine.
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Old 09-28-2012, 03:00 PM
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By the way, he had almost 10 months clean, after a stint at rehab last December.
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Old 09-28-2012, 04:19 PM
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ISOHumility: My mama heart goes out to you right now. You know where your son is headed, but he does not know.

I have heard it said that having a good bit of sobriety is the best way to ruin a good relapse. I'm sure you have a hard time hanging onto that one right now, just thought I'd throw it out.

I will be praying for you and for your son. May you find some peace and serenity right now. How fortunate for your son that you are in recovery (and for you too!!).
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Old 09-28-2012, 05:12 PM
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You, your husband, and your son are in my prayers. Try to spend the special weekend nurturing yourself and your healthy relationship, everything will still be here when you get back.
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Old 09-28-2012, 06:17 PM
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Dear ISO, I understand your fear and concern. Relapse is common in the early days if they are not in true recovery. You did the right thing in telling the probation officer. You need to be STRONG, meaning do not mince words with your son when you deal with this next week."legal" may mean spice or bath salts, both so dangerous in their own rights!
I do not remember what DOC your son was on, but all I know is you have to believe the actions not the words. Your son is still so young. You MUST hold your boundaries. There are programs as you know that you can enroll him in and he cannot leave if that is the next recommended step.
My prayers and my steps are right there with you from Mamma Posse member TT.
Love
TT
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Old 09-28-2012, 06:23 PM
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This mama is sending out prayers for your son, and more prayers that you and your husband can truly enjoy this weekend, knowing God's got your son covered.

I am glad you are doing this for yourself and that you are going to Al-anon next week...you may be surprised just how much peace, comfort and courage you will find there.

Hugs and Hugs
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Old 09-28-2012, 06:31 PM
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I am so sorry to hear about your son! I will be thinking about you and your family and hoping you all get through this difficult time
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Old 09-28-2012, 07:03 PM
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My heart is breaking for you. I have a 12-yr-old son and I know I could very well be standing in your shoes one day. I always feel worse for parents of addicts than for anyone else. Parents are supposed to be able to take all the ouchies and nightmares away but we can't fight the devil of addiction. I'm especially saddened for you because your son is just a baby. He's only 15. You, your son, and your family are in my prayers.

Please do things to care for yourself. (((hugs to you)))
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Old 09-28-2012, 07:21 PM
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Hang in there, mama. You're doing great dealing with such scary information. Your son is only 15--you have parental authority and can reach out for the help you need about the next right step. Absolutely did the right thing telling the PO.

I pray you and your husband will enjoy your time together. Strengthen and soothe each other--it will only help. It is one of the most loving things you can do for your children, to nurture the relationship with your spouse.

Praying God grants you a clear head and a calm heart. Blessings and peace.
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Old 09-28-2012, 07:46 PM
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Have a good weekend. Try not to think about your son - turn him over to his HP and try to relax.

I am so sorry for your situation. When my son was 15 we were just beginning to be aware of the depths of his problems.

This is not the life you though you'd lead when you first held that beautiful baby boy in your arms.

My son had 7 months of residential treatment when he was 16 - of the kids he went through with, almost all relapsed. About 1/2 of them are doing well now, 4 years later, but some- my son included- have had very rocky roads and several more stints at rehab.

I pray your son's path is easier.
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Old 09-29-2012, 01:43 AM
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I can't imagine my 13 year old son right now getting into drugs. I sure hope he won't. I have not read any of your other posts, but why do you have morphine in your purse? I am recovering from an alcohol addiction, and I do not take anything anymore.
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Old 09-29-2012, 07:41 AM
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I hope you have a restful and rejuvenating couple of days...It is great that you are getting away from the situation, and even though you probably need at least a month, every little bit counts. I think it was really smart of you to tell the PO and have him be the one to take the next steps. I am just ahead of you on the road, my (R)AD is 19, and is 3 months clean today. It's a journey. Keep taking care of yourself and trusting your HP. Big hug from this Momma to you.
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Old 09-29-2012, 07:55 AM
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May your son be strong through all temptations, and may you be strong through these trials. Keep the faith.
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Old 09-29-2012, 08:33 AM
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Sounds like you have a healthy attitude about what you can do and can not do. 15 years old is so young to grasp it all and be strong with the pressures of this world. He has the tools, and my need a refresher but I think he will eventually understand its either a happy, productive, loving life or drugs - can't have both! He is learning and I pray he will get back on the right path and use this as a learning experience for a stronger recovery in the future!
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Old 09-30-2012, 08:02 AM
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Thank you, Mamma Posse, for all of your support. I really needed to hear your wisdom. Still with hubby, but by the grace of God I was able to relax and enjoy the weekend we had together--always rare, and always a chance to remember why we got married, and how much we enjoy each other's company.

Heading back home a bit later, but I continue to pray to let go. I find that a visual helps. In my mind, I walk with my son up a mountain, where we meet God. I kiss my son goodbye, tell him he's in good hands, and walk down the mountain alone.

My son has everything your sons have--God, and people in his life who love and care about him. The next step is his. Whichever way he choose to take, I firmly believe that God will be with him--and with me.
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Old 10-01-2012, 05:53 AM
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beautiful visual - thanks for sharing
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Old 10-01-2012, 06:52 AM
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Your mountain top visual is beautiful.

"The Mountain" was our pastor's sermon yesterday, and she made a beautiful analogy about our Mt Rainier not being visible at times, but we KNOW it is always there. The mountain of hope. The mountain of peace.

I am praying for your son. My AS got involved with drugs at 14. His path has been tremendously difficult. Full of boulders, pot holes and fissures.

May you walk with God in your journey.

with compassion,

Peaceandgrace
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Old 10-01-2012, 08:00 AM
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I'm glad you were able to get some time with your husband alone. It's so important to keep the connection with all of our loved ones. It's so easy for the addict to become the center of the universe.......and distract us from other important people in our lives.

You and your dear son will be in my prayers. I love what you said "God....help me love my son the way you do." What a beautiful reminder than our dear sons are in good hands....more powerful hands.

Walking with you.......

gentle hugs
ke
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