My partner slept with his therapist
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Alicante, Spain
Posts: 15
My partner slept with his therapist
Hi I just found out that my partner slept with his therapist.
I was here last year... asking advice about her. She's been using his treatment to split us up, at fist I thought maybe I had a problem and was imagining everything. Now I've found out that my instincts about her were right. He's been in recovery for 4 years, 3 of those his been with me. Now I find this out. He's been quite messed up about it, trying to hide it from me, not answering to her... But he's been so scared of relapsing that he just carried on trying to manage everything. Now I've found out he's decided to leave his therapy group and find another. I dont think he's innocent and I now it takes two to tango, but I also know that she's been taking advantage of his trust and used his weaknesses to get closer to him and to confuse him. She's in love with him and has been manipulating him and trying to split us up. He can also see this. I don't know what's oing to happen to us, and if I will be able to get over this. There's lots to think about... However, I do need you help regarding the therapist. I hate dramas and causing trouble... But I also have this niggly thing at the ack of my mind telling me that maybe I should report her... What if her personal desires or selfish ways can affect others? I already know a couple of their stories that make question her professionalism...
Please can you advise? Or just give me your opinions please?
Thank you.
A choked up Maria
Xx
I was here last year... asking advice about her. She's been using his treatment to split us up, at fist I thought maybe I had a problem and was imagining everything. Now I've found out that my instincts about her were right. He's been in recovery for 4 years, 3 of those his been with me. Now I find this out. He's been quite messed up about it, trying to hide it from me, not answering to her... But he's been so scared of relapsing that he just carried on trying to manage everything. Now I've found out he's decided to leave his therapy group and find another. I dont think he's innocent and I now it takes two to tango, but I also know that she's been taking advantage of his trust and used his weaknesses to get closer to him and to confuse him. She's in love with him and has been manipulating him and trying to split us up. He can also see this. I don't know what's oing to happen to us, and if I will be able to get over this. There's lots to think about... However, I do need you help regarding the therapist. I hate dramas and causing trouble... But I also have this niggly thing at the ack of my mind telling me that maybe I should report her... What if her personal desires or selfish ways can affect others? I already know a couple of their stories that make question her professionalism...
Please can you advise? Or just give me your opinions please?
Thank you.
A choked up Maria
Xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Last time you were here, he and his therapist were planning on getting/sharing custody of a dog so things have been " unusual" for quite some time.
I would be less concerned with the therapist than my own boundaries. I don't do relationships with cheaters. That's my boundary and I am sticking to it.
How about you?
I would be less concerned with the therapist than my own boundaries. I don't do relationships with cheaters. That's my boundary and I am sticking to it.
How about you?
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
While it's true you should focus on your recovery, I can't help but think there is some sort of personal responsibility to report this therapist. Once that is done, let it go and move forward.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by Mariacombat 
Hi I just found out that my partner slept with his therapist.
I was here last year... asking advice about her. She's been using his treatment to split us up, at fist I thought maybe I had a problem and was imagining everything. Now I've found out that my instincts about her were right. He's been in recovery for 4 years, 3 of those his been with me. Now I find this out. He's been quite messed up about it, trying to hide it from me, not answering to her... But he's been so scared of relapsing that he just carried on trying to manage everything. Now I've found out he's decided to leave his therapy group and find another. I dont think he's innocent and I now it takes two to tango, but I also know that she's been taking advantage of his trust and used his weaknesses to get closer to him and to confuse him. She's in love with him and has been manipulating him and trying to split us up. He can also see this. I don't know what's oing to happen to us, and if I will be able to get over this. There's lots to think about... However, I do need you help regarding the therapist. I hate dramas and causing trouble... But I also have this niggly thing at the ack of my mind telling me that maybe I should report her... What if her personal desires or selfish ways can affect others? I already know a couple of their stories that make question her professionalism...
Please can you advise? Or just give me your opinions please?
Thank you.
A choked up Maria
Xx
I was here last year... asking advice about her. She's been using his treatment to split us up, at fist I thought maybe I had a problem and was imagining everything. Now I've found out that my instincts about her were right. He's been in recovery for 4 years, 3 of those his been with me. Now I find this out. He's been quite messed up about it, trying to hide it from me, not answering to her... But he's been so scared of relapsing that he just carried on trying to manage everything. Now I've found out he's decided to leave his therapy group and find another. I dont think he's innocent and I now it takes two to tango, but I also know that she's been taking advantage of his trust and used his weaknesses to get closer to him and to confuse him. She's in love with him and has been manipulating him and trying to split us up. He can also see this. I don't know what's oing to happen to us, and if I will be able to get over this. There's lots to think about... However, I do need you help regarding the therapist. I hate dramas and causing trouble... But I also have this niggly thing at the ack of my mind telling me that maybe I should report her... What if her personal desires or selfish ways can affect others? I already know a couple of their stories that make question her professionalism...
Please can you advise? Or just give me your opinions please?
Thank you.
A choked up Maria
Xx
I wouldn't bother reporting her. You have a chance to make a clean break from that situation, and I'd take it. Besides, reporting her opens the door for unintended consequences for you door the road, and your plate is full enough as it is.
As far as the boyfriend goes...
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Best,
ZoSo
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Savannah Georgia
Posts: 124
If she is licensed, she should lose her license. She took an ethical oath and crossed every line imaginable toying with people's lives in the process. Find the state board of professional counselors in your state and report the heck out of it.......not because it changes your situation, but because she will do something similar or worse again (may already be doing it). People are screwed up enough to be getting faulty advice from highly paid counselors. Sorry, but I would report her in a heartbeat! Consequences.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 324
My opinion?
Weak, manipulated man gets his cake and gets to eat it too. Poor guy.
And you're still trippin about the therapist. They are not the problem, it's you.
You have let yourself get owned and you refuse to see it.
Your dignity called. It would like to see you again sometime.
Weak, manipulated man gets his cake and gets to eat it too. Poor guy.
And you're still trippin about the therapist. They are not the problem, it's you.
You have let yourself get owned and you refuse to see it.
Your dignity called. It would like to see you again sometime.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Hi maria,
Your location reads "Spain" which means those of us here, with our knowledge of professional ethics committees, etc. for therapists in the U.S., may not be able to offer advice which specifically relates to client abuse by a therapist there.
But the words you use about the therapist--that she has "taken advantage" of "trust"--actually describes your partner, who has used and betrayed you in your own weakness and confusion.
Do not file a complaint, do not take action regarding her lapse of professional ethics. What you have as evidence is hearsay (he told you, you were not a witness), but more importantly, you have no idea the Pandora's box of ugliness which might open once you file any complaint against her. Your privacy will be compromised. There will be more drama, more stress, and more distraction from your inner life, which is where your focus should be. You are in no shape to take on any more craziness. I agree she should lose her license. But this is not your fight.
Your partner slept with his therapist, lied to you and pretended to be faithful, pretended to be in recovery, and now pretends to be an innocent victim. He is not 12, he was not even, apparently, in active addiction. He made a choice.
I would walk away.
Your location reads "Spain" which means those of us here, with our knowledge of professional ethics committees, etc. for therapists in the U.S., may not be able to offer advice which specifically relates to client abuse by a therapist there.
But the words you use about the therapist--that she has "taken advantage" of "trust"--actually describes your partner, who has used and betrayed you in your own weakness and confusion.
Do not file a complaint, do not take action regarding her lapse of professional ethics. What you have as evidence is hearsay (he told you, you were not a witness), but more importantly, you have no idea the Pandora's box of ugliness which might open once you file any complaint against her. Your privacy will be compromised. There will be more drama, more stress, and more distraction from your inner life, which is where your focus should be. You are in no shape to take on any more craziness. I agree she should lose her license. But this is not your fight.
Your partner slept with his therapist, lied to you and pretended to be faithful, pretended to be in recovery, and now pretends to be an innocent victim. He is not 12, he was not even, apparently, in active addiction. He made a choice.
I would walk away.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm sorry, but I have to agree with those above. He cheated...it doesn't matter why, it doesn't matter who with, he's a grown man capable of making his own decisions and he chose to cheat.
Sweetie, you are worth so much more than this. Life even alone is better than living a lie with a cheater.
Whatever you decide, I'm glad you feel okay to come here and share.
Hugs
Sweetie, you are worth so much more than this. Life even alone is better than living a lie with a cheater.
Whatever you decide, I'm glad you feel okay to come here and share.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 398
I'm also going to agree with most posters on here. At first I though you should report the thearapist but you've only gotten his side of the story. Who knows what he's been saying to her? He's an adult and made a choice. Since they want to be together, let them. If he really wanted to be with you or to be faithful to you, you wouldn't be here asking for advice.
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