verylost

He called one night a week or so after he had moved out with a completely incoherent story about needing bail money for the woman he was renting a room from. I literally did not have the money and could not help him even if I had wanted too. I heard him use every trick and play he always had used and finally of course it ended with him being mad when I said there was nothing I could do. Something changed in me after that conversation, basically that was the beginning of me really starting to let go and see him for what he is.

cece1960

It took me time...on all fronts. Time to accept the fact that my son is an addict and I can't change that.

Time to accept the fact that a man who loved me for 8 years kicked me to the curb for another.

It's been almost two years and I still struggle at times with the latter. But the truth is, it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't what I thought it was, and it sure as heck wasn't what I deserve in life.

lightseeker

it's taken me a long time too.....I can honestly feel these percentages in myself....like being 95% done..... 99% done.... even today I feel it still so maybe I am 99.9% done. Sometimes it is easier than other. Different things trigger the memories.

The concepts of trauma bonding and the Stockholm syndrome really applied to me and maybe that's what is happening to you too. I stuggle to make it make sense....how I could have any interest in someone that was abusive to me, ignored me, etc. I have to remember that there were times that were "ok" though and maybe that's what keeps that connection.

So....what has helped me? Time. Finding things that I enjoy (like my guitar lessons and kyaking). Alanon meetings. Posting here. Praying. Acceptance. Surrender. Sitting with my discomfort. And then doing it all again....

I think that it just takes time.... sending you warm thoughts.

peaceandgrace

I like that question. In some ways, it is just all of a sudden waking up and realizing that "I am done. I am at peace."

For me with my AS, it was a gradual release. I began praying more, meditating, doing loving things for myself and reading more about addiction and codependency.

The tipping for me, though, was his inability/refusal to be a father to my little granddaughter. I know how much I love my son and his older sister. Wild horses could not have dragged me away from my devotion and commitment to them as I raised them. To see him cavalierly ignore his daughter made it easier for me to accept his addiction is his lover and it is more powerful than the need to parent.

Honestly, his neglect as a parent disgusts me as much as it saddens me.

I have released him to God's care. The feeling of peace and physical release that gives me is spiritual.

My son is cloaked in God's love. I can see the aura around him from a distance. Whether or not that saves him from his own actions is something I don't know. But, spiritually, I know he is loved by a force greater than him.

This is quite rambling I know. Addicts lose their core souls, but I do believe a human soul doesn't really die. It's just buried and the tiny spark is always there.

I pray his spark reignites, but in the meantime I am at peace.

with compassion,

Peaceandgrace