How naive I have been...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 93
English Garden,
Yes, it makes you feel sick. The level of insanity that the sick person can bring into your life/heart is as strong as it comes. I know or at least tell myself that I deserve better but I still have the emotions to work through because of the cowardly ways of my ex. Above all I wanted to forgive and I was at a point where I could because it is a disease but I won't lie the fact that it had to end like this changes everything. My first boyfriend had cheated on me but it never hurt this much and I had enough strength to move on and find peace, this time is ohhh so different. It does help that there are a special group of people that can be the light to guide me, thank you ALL
Yes, it makes you feel sick. The level of insanity that the sick person can bring into your life/heart is as strong as it comes. I know or at least tell myself that I deserve better but I still have the emotions to work through because of the cowardly ways of my ex. Above all I wanted to forgive and I was at a point where I could because it is a disease but I won't lie the fact that it had to end like this changes everything. My first boyfriend had cheated on me but it never hurt this much and I had enough strength to move on and find peace, this time is ohhh so different. It does help that there are a special group of people that can be the light to guide me, thank you ALL
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Rsk, I would still recommend you read Codependent No More! Often times, my "loving" attempts to "fix" or help someone where really my need to feel some kind of self worth and worse - it was my selfish need to control others. I didn't know it at the time but it is becoming clearer and clear as I learn about me and my codependency.
My unhealthy needs and ego created my own misery!
My unhealthy needs and ego created my own misery!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 93
Hi Everyone,
So it has been a week since last and final contact with my ex. I feel like it has been a long emotional month, not week. As I said about a week ago, I bought the book Co-Dependent no more. I have gained some useful knowledge from the book. I also have the newer edition coming in the mail. I have tried to keep myself busy and preoccupied. I donated all of our stuff that was in my house. It kinda felt good to let go of all the things that reminded me of him (even though they were just objects). I hope to keep writing because I want to be able to look back and learn from all of this and see how far I came. The pain is better but not gone. There are times when the tears just fall, sometimes for only a second, and sometimes I just cry my eyes out. I just keep saying to myself, "I did the best that I could and I loved honestly." My mind still plays tricks on me and I begin to remember all the good heartfelt times we had and think maybe I wasn't as patient towards the end as I could have been. But,even I have my limits where enough is enough and how much of it was even the truth? The more I step back, the more I begin to see that I have no idea what or who I really was with for all those years. Someone had said... if they tell you who they are, then believe them. I always thought that it was just his low self esteem secondary to his addiction, I couldn't accept that a man that was adored by everyone, including myself, could actually be such a dark person hiding who he truly was. With time, reality begins to set back in.
So it has been a week since last and final contact with my ex. I feel like it has been a long emotional month, not week. As I said about a week ago, I bought the book Co-Dependent no more. I have gained some useful knowledge from the book. I also have the newer edition coming in the mail. I have tried to keep myself busy and preoccupied. I donated all of our stuff that was in my house. It kinda felt good to let go of all the things that reminded me of him (even though they were just objects). I hope to keep writing because I want to be able to look back and learn from all of this and see how far I came. The pain is better but not gone. There are times when the tears just fall, sometimes for only a second, and sometimes I just cry my eyes out. I just keep saying to myself, "I did the best that I could and I loved honestly." My mind still plays tricks on me and I begin to remember all the good heartfelt times we had and think maybe I wasn't as patient towards the end as I could have been. But,even I have my limits where enough is enough and how much of it was even the truth? The more I step back, the more I begin to see that I have no idea what or who I really was with for all those years. Someone had said... if they tell you who they are, then believe them. I always thought that it was just his low self esteem secondary to his addiction, I couldn't accept that a man that was adored by everyone, including myself, could actually be such a dark person hiding who he truly was. With time, reality begins to set back in.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Union, NJ
Posts: 20
I feel your pain. My boyfriend was first addicted to pills and now crack cocaine. Been with him for 3 years and still hanging in their with him. I also work in health care and I know ive been doing nothing but enabling him, but its so hard to stop the cycle. You are lucky you are out of the relationship. I am still in my relationship and do you know how many times we both broke things off with each other but always end up crawling back to each other in the end? It is such a mess and I know Im not going to be spending forever with this guy, but he happens to be my best friend and I just feel like I need to be there for him. I wish you luck in trying to cope. It is very hard and Im stuck in a rock and a hard place just like you. Dont really know where to turn to. I recommend the book The Child Within by Whitfield. It is more based on families and alcoholism but it has the same key points as the other books. I found this book to really help me when I was at a low point in my life. Best of luck xoxo
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 398
rsk,
I'm so glad you're going to continue writing! Please keep posting! Your mind will play tricks on you; don't let it. Refer back to the writings to remember how VERY PATIENT you were with him.
Let yourself heal. It's hard and sometimes things are going fine for me and all of a sudden it feels like someone just knocked me right in my stomach. I double over with grief and pain. I just think, "what is happening? Where is my husband?" That's when I'm vulnerable and even a smile from him would make everything better (in reality, it would destroy all the work I had done on and for myself). But, we'll get past this.
Let yourself mourn his loss. He is lost and you can't bring him "home." We are all hear for you! May you be blessed with God's peace and may you feel His loving arms envelope you.
I'm so glad you're going to continue writing! Please keep posting! Your mind will play tricks on you; don't let it. Refer back to the writings to remember how VERY PATIENT you were with him.
Let yourself heal. It's hard and sometimes things are going fine for me and all of a sudden it feels like someone just knocked me right in my stomach. I double over with grief and pain. I just think, "what is happening? Where is my husband?" That's when I'm vulnerable and even a smile from him would make everything better (in reality, it would destroy all the work I had done on and for myself). But, we'll get past this.
Let yourself mourn his loss. He is lost and you can't bring him "home." We are all hear for you! May you be blessed with God's peace and may you feel His loving arms envelope you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 93
Thanks FreckleFace and FaithLove,
I know I need to mourn but it just seems to hurt more to allow the tears to fall. I know everyone says that it is about me and my recovery but I won't lie...it angers me to know that he can just go on living his life so easily and has yet to even attempt to apologize or explain. Sure he is an addict in recovery, but how in the world does one completely forget a person they once loved so dearly... he has to know how broken hearted I am, I will never understand why he chose someone else...I felt like I waited so long for the day that he would take his recovery seriously only to watch someone else get the rewards of it.
I say a lot of not nice things but believe me, he was a great man who did show me love for 3 years prior to all of this... .
I know I need to mourn but it just seems to hurt more to allow the tears to fall. I know everyone says that it is about me and my recovery but I won't lie...it angers me to know that he can just go on living his life so easily and has yet to even attempt to apologize or explain. Sure he is an addict in recovery, but how in the world does one completely forget a person they once loved so dearly... he has to know how broken hearted I am, I will never understand why he chose someone else...I felt like I waited so long for the day that he would take his recovery seriously only to watch someone else get the rewards of it.
I say a lot of not nice things but believe me, he was a great man who did show me love for 3 years prior to all of this... .
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 168
Hey RSK,
I agree I don't think he is clean. I saw pictures of my ex on Face Book and he looked high and old in some and in the others he looked clean, but i know he is still using cause if he wasn't then he would not be with his ex, she encourages his use, it's the only way she can have him. And Washbe2 said it's his lost not yours. J mom told me the same thing that it's their lost to not have us in their lives. I will highly suggest that you read Love Isn't Supposed to Hurt by Christi Paul that book got me through the first few days and weeks after the breakup. There is a verse in there by AJ Russell that states "Just go step by step My (God's) will shall be revealed as you go.....never limit my power. It's limitless" And you know what everything does happen for a reason believe in that, and your ex was right about one thing and that is you do deserve better than him.
I agree I don't think he is clean. I saw pictures of my ex on Face Book and he looked high and old in some and in the others he looked clean, but i know he is still using cause if he wasn't then he would not be with his ex, she encourages his use, it's the only way she can have him. And Washbe2 said it's his lost not yours. J mom told me the same thing that it's their lost to not have us in their lives. I will highly suggest that you read Love Isn't Supposed to Hurt by Christi Paul that book got me through the first few days and weeks after the breakup. There is a verse in there by AJ Russell that states "Just go step by step My (God's) will shall be revealed as you go.....never limit my power. It's limitless" And you know what everything does happen for a reason believe in that, and your ex was right about one thing and that is you do deserve better than him.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 168
" Above all I wanted to forgive and I was at a point where I could because it is a disease but I won't lie the fact that it had to end like this changes everything
The pain is better but not gone. There are times when the tears just fall, sometimes for only a second, and sometimes I just cry my eyes out. I just keep saying to myself, "I did the best that I could and I loved honestly." My mind still plays tricks on me and I begin to remember all the good heartfelt times we had and think maybe I wasn't as patient towards the end as I could have been. But,even I have my limits where enough is enough and how much of it was even the truth? The more I step back, the more I begin to see that I have no idea what or who I really was with for all those years. Someone had said... if they tell you who they are, then believe them. I always thought that it was just his low self esteem secondary to his addiction, I couldn't accept that a man that was adored by everyone, including myself, could actually be such a dark person hiding who he truly was. With time, reality begins to set back in."
I cannot believe how much of what you feel is the same as I do. My ex use to tell me that he was dark and did not want to bring me into his darkness. And i laughed I should have listen and run when he told me to.
The pain is better but not gone. There are times when the tears just fall, sometimes for only a second, and sometimes I just cry my eyes out. I just keep saying to myself, "I did the best that I could and I loved honestly." My mind still plays tricks on me and I begin to remember all the good heartfelt times we had and think maybe I wasn't as patient towards the end as I could have been. But,even I have my limits where enough is enough and how much of it was even the truth? The more I step back, the more I begin to see that I have no idea what or who I really was with for all those years. Someone had said... if they tell you who they are, then believe them. I always thought that it was just his low self esteem secondary to his addiction, I couldn't accept that a man that was adored by everyone, including myself, could actually be such a dark person hiding who he truly was. With time, reality begins to set back in."
I cannot believe how much of what you feel is the same as I do. My ex use to tell me that he was dark and did not want to bring me into his darkness. And i laughed I should have listen and run when he told me to.
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