Single Mom Needing Emotional Support / Advice

Old 09-25-2012, 07:10 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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You can do it!

Block his number.

Free your heart.

Cuddle that baby of yours and think about a future with all the love and support you both truly deserve....

We get so accustomed to being mistreated, blackmailed, and service-oriented that we can actually FORGET what joy and serenity look like in our lives. Move on, my dear, move on!
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Old 09-25-2012, 07:41 PM
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Thank you, GardenMama

My problem is that... I experienced the joy and serenity for so long that now I just feel lonely. But I can't seem to move on because I can't seem to find a guy that I deem good enough. I need to learn how to get over being so picky because the more I talk to this lowlife, the more I remember why I chose to leave him, and also why it was so hard for me to do it the first time. But I know I can do it!!! With him being gone at rehab, I can take the time to think clearly without him clouding my vision and hopefully block his number before he gets out.

I'm sorry I'm so chatty, guys!!
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Old 09-25-2012, 10:26 PM
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SingleM,

I know how lonely it can be! I was a single parent for 7 years. But, trust me, I'd trade the single parent life any day for the being married to an addict life!!!!!

Have fun with your baby. Make new friends. Go out on dates, but don't feel like there's this hole you must fill in your life. You have plenty of time to find the right guy!

You are great just the way you are! Just ask your baby!! I bet he's your #1 Fan!!!
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Old 09-26-2012, 07:42 AM
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Relationship decisions made to cure lonliness usually have lousy outcomes.

Attempting to validate onseself with a guy is unhealthy. Keep your high standards. Be picky. You and your child are worth it.

Block that number and file for court-ordered child support.
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Old 09-26-2012, 08:59 AM
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Wow, thank you both so much These are things that I try to remember but all too often I forget. That helped more than you know
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Old 09-26-2012, 10:04 AM
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I am going to throw out another, perhaps controversial, opinion on the child support. Keep in mind that I am very bitter right now, so maybe this should be taken with a grain of salt.

While I agree that your baby (and all babies) deserve to be financially supported by their fathers, absent or present, I feel like in this situation filing for child support is only creating unnecessary ties to BD. We have established that he is toxic to you and toxic to the baby...I would just distance myself completely. At this point he is not on the birth certificate and has no parental rights, which is a good thing. I would leave well enough alone, especially considering the fact that he has no means to pay the child support so you would probably incur lawyer expenses and time off of work to attend court hearings for naught.

I think you have a chance here to actually be rid of him, and you should take it and run with it. Read the stickies at the top of the page...manipulation is a common theme for addicts. He's not calling you after all this time because he loves you. He's calling because he has run out of others he can manipulate. It is impossible for those in active addiction to love.

Sorry if all of this is coming across as harsh. Like I said, I am a little bitter right now. I don't mean any of it in a negative way toward you. I think you are doing the right thing in a very tough situation, reaching out for advice and information. I am just speaking from my own experiences and lessons learned.
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Old 09-26-2012, 11:16 AM
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i did bloked my ex's number but only to unblock it 5 days later i just could not stand no contact from him, i guess i wasnt ready... i also tried to go out on dates but for some reason i just felt very strange while on a date. i just had this uncomfortable feeling like i shoudnt be there, i should be home with my baby...plus i cant seem to find anyone that i like, very very picky everyone that i went out with they all looked and went on like airheads im pretty sure its not them its me!!! after a while i just gave up,im a full time mum and i have no time for men...when the time is right it will happen. but i do get lonely and thats when i feel like picking up the phone and ring my ex...of course i dont do it. because i remember the reason i cant call him and thats how i end up cryeng everynight going to sleep. after all the lies and cheating he did on me i still love him very much. how is it possible? what are the odds of me finding someone that will love me this much even if i would cheat and lie like he did?
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Old 09-26-2012, 02:22 PM
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I actually think Goldfish has a point. Sometimes it is best to cut your losses and move on.
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Old 09-26-2012, 02:31 PM
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Hi! Welcome. My son's father is a master manipulator. I ended up changing my phone number. That and threatening to call the police if he ever came around me when he was high was just enough to discourage him from contacting me and his son. It's been three years... and I couldn't be happier about it. Sometimes my son is sad about his dad, but I tell him "I know you love him. And I'm sure it makes you sad he's not around. But your daddy is sick. His sickness affects his brain. It causes him to make bad choices. That's why he left. And there's nothing we can do to help him. But someday when you grow up, you'll be a much better daddy than him, because you'll understand how important it is to be there for your children."

I regret EVER putting him on my child's birth certificate and if I could turn back the hands of time and take him off I would. It causes all kinds of issues with traveling out of country and passports and the like. It's the tie that just can't be removed and it hangs over my head constantly.

My ex doesn't pay his child support anyway. And being behind on child support is the least of his problems.
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