Daluso

He was apparently 'mugged' although he was completely unwilling to call the police, had no description of who mugged him, and they apparently left his phone (because it wasn't worth much) and his active bank card but only took the £20 I had just given him.. Went to meet him to give him more as he apparently has a job interview tomorrow that he needs to get to & finally told him none of his stories add up and Iwant to know the real reason behind the pin marks on his arms.. Previously he told me they were 'scars', injections from the doctors, marks from our pet scratcing but today he decided to tell me that he self harms with a pin on the veins in the crook of his elbow because it gives him satisfaction.. I'm finding it really hard to beleive A) why he wouldn't just tell me that months ago, B) why he would even do it when he knows I'm scared he's using & C) if that would even be a satisfying thing to do.. I know he's self harmed before but I don't feel like it's likely plus they really don't look like pinpricks they look like marks from injecting.. too messy to be done by a doctor.. Anyone got anyexperience of anyone doing this? I've told him he needs to sort it out and tell me the truth but I don't know what to do if he is using..

SundaysChild

I think the input you got in your previous thread is still valid.

He's using.

Why are you giving him money?

Go back and read the stickies at the top of the forum. Get a copy of Codependent No More. Get yourself to an AlAnon or NarAnon meeting. Figure out what standards you have for your life, set some boundaries, and move on.

Daluso

Is NarAnon available in England? I'm ridiculously new at this stuff..

Daluso

& there's always a reason he'll lose his training course etc & I can't help feeling that I don't want to not give him money if it might mean his life gets more f*cked up.. I know I sound thick but I can't explain myself very clearly, it makes sense in my head but not out loud :/

dollydo

He is an active IV user, why do you keep giving him money and support his addiction? He is lieing to you, he is using you to help feed his addiction.

Might be time to face the truth and stop enabling him. It is his problem, not yours, if he loses his training..fine..he is making the bad choices and the results are his to bear and resolve.

Have you read Codependent No More yet...How about going to meetings?

Nothing changes...if nothing changes...the ball is in your court.

Maylie

He is def. an active iv user. He is trying to play with your emotions by saying the marks are from self harming himself with a pin. It seems odd that the only place he would self harm is exactly where most iv users choose to iv their drugs.

Please set up some boundaries for yourself. He isn't ready to be honest about what is going on he is going to keep telling lies in order to get money to get his next fix.

Daluso

Well I don't know how many meetings are available in my area? Stop giving him money? Break up with him? I don't know what to do here I'm worried in case I'm wrong & over analysing.. He always has a way to make my suspicions sound silly.. I know I sound stupid but it's not like I've done this before or I can just talk about it with him.. I don't want to deal with this I just want everything to go back to how it was a year ago..

dollydo

"I don't want to deal with this I just want everything to go back to how it was a year ago.. "

Tain't going to happen, there is no turning back with an active addict. Drugs are their first love, he is manipulating you, he knows how to play you, you are putty in his hands.

suki44883

The first thing you should do is make an appointment with your doctor and have yourself checked for any STDs you might have picked up from him. IV drug users aren't always too particular about where the needle they use might have been.

After that, it's up to you whether or not you wish to live your life with an active addict. He can say whatever he wants, but the track marks on his arms tell the true story. Stop giving him money because whatever you give him will go into his arm.

Get on Google and look for nar-anon or al-anon meetings. I'm sure you will find some.

tjp613

He's clearly using IV drugs and using you to pay for them.

My AS used to have 5 emergency reasons a week for why he needed money -- always things like "flat tire so I can't get to work", "I need to pay Sally back for the school books she bought for me", "I need to pay for a special license (or training or uniform, etc) so I can work at XYZ Co", "I lost my wallet", "I lost my phone".....

The excuses are ENDLESS and you'll notice that the jobs never pan out.

STOP GIVING HIM MONEY. HE IS USING I.V. DRUGS AND YOU ARE NOT OVER ANALYZING.

RUN. FAST.

Ilovemysonjj

Hello Daluso, he is USING. Believe me, My son tried every nonsense excuse under the sun. Addicts do that. He is on IV drugs and if he hasn't already started, he will soon need to steal money and your things to continue to support his habit. There will always be a lame excuse he will come up with and you will always want to believe him. Heroiin steals the addict's moral values and their souls.
Run now and ask questions later.

SundaysChild

Both AlAnon and NarAnon are active in the UK

AlAnon Home Page
NarAnon England

suki44883

If you don't want to deal with this, then you need to leave the relationship. Otherwise, you WILL be dealing with it.

Even if you are wrong about him using (you are NOT wrong), his actions and abuse should be unacceptable. Someone screaming, breaking things, threatening suicide and generally acting like a spoiled 2-year old is not acceptable behavior in what is supposed to be a loving relationship.

You don't need experience with addiction to know that this guy is not relationship material and what he is doing is abusive.

Daluso

Thanks, there's one near me, can I show up at a NarAnon meeting as a partner of someone using? I'm not going to annoy people? & he's just admitted injecting Amphetamines 'a few times' but still not admitted to heroin.. apparently the marks are a combination of using a needle to self harm (apparently a lot of users get satisfaction from just the feel of the needle.. according to him) & doctors.. al;though he can't explain the marks last month or the one before etc..

suki44883

Nar-anon and al-anon are meetings for the family and friends of the addict.

Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous are for the addict themselves.

dollydo

You can go to any meeting, at any time.

He is lieing to you about his drug use, the red flags are waving boldy in your face, please pay attention to them...he is a manipulative, abusive, drug addict...you are playing with fire, you will get burned.

kmangel

Whether he's using or not, self harming is not healthy either. Your partner has serious issues. You really want to be a part of it?

outtolunch

It is obvious to the most causal observer he's using, lying and conning you. He has shown you who he is.

He's living his life as he sees fit to do. Are you?

gahope88

My fiance used to use this excuse before we both entered recovery. Turned out he was self harming... with a needle full of heroin... my rule of thumb is trust your gut. Recovered drug addicts/alcoholics don't do things that make you think they are using because they are recovered. How many sober people/non addicts do you know that stick pins in their veins? Honestly? I always do a self check on what normal people do. If he's exhibiting insane thinking/logic he's probably using that same "logic" to justify using. Recovered people are as honest and truthful as any non drug addict/alcoholic and I haven't met one yet that sticks anything in their arms for kicks and giggles.

FindingErica

I was there with AH. The last time I gave him money it was a large amount to pay credit card bills and so he had gas money to get to job interviews. He swore if he didn't stay current on these credit card bills, his credit rating would be ruined and he would not be able to get a job. Well surprise surprise, he didn't use any of the money to pay any of the credit card debt, he has thoroughly trashed our credit and he got a very good job all on his own. Everyone here said not to listen to him, that this was his problem, but I thought our situation was unique and that people here didn't really understand our unique situation.

Your addict will find whatever it is that scares you, and use that to manipulate you. Ask yourself what would happen if your addict didn't to the interview? Also, its likely he will use the money you give him on the same thing he used the last money and have an excuse as to why he didn't get the job.