Daluso

He shouts, screams, breaks things, etc when I try and bring it up.. He borrows all my money for 'bus fare' to 'hospital appointments' (also the most recent excuse for the pin marks constantly in the crook of his arm..), he constantly visits/texts/calls 'friends' I'm not allowed to know the name of, he takes his phone EVRYWHERE, he goes to the kitchen/bathroom for 20 minutes and gets annoyed when i look for him, he can't stand little noises like the rain and goes mad over them, he always 'loses' money & is unable to pay me back, he goes from aggressive and mean to sobbing and suicidal, he has relapsed 3 times in our 1 and a half year relationship(one of which he was open about), he has admitted to taking crack/pills etc behind my back, I've found texts asking for citric acid or offering 'gear' (which he claims refers to weed..) .. Am I paranoid & being silly or being naiive in staying with him? Thanks xx

doggonecarl

I don't think you're paranoid. I think the signs are clear. What I'm not sure about is why you choose to ignore you own eyes and believe the lies of your boyfriend.

SundaysChild

I think when you re-read what you posted you'll see it's obvious that he is using. He's admitted to using weed - so if you need an acknowledgement from him, you have it.

Determine your boundaries- what types of people and situations you want in your life, and make a decision.

Does it matter whether you "know" he's using heroin or not? Forget the drugs, and look at his behavior. This man :
"shouts, screams, breaks things"
"borrows all my money"
"constantly visits/texts/calls 'friends' I'm not allowed to know the name of"
"gets annoyed when i look for him"
"can't stand little noises like the rain and goes mad over them"
"'loses' money & is unable to pay me back"
"he goes from aggressive and mean to sobbing and suicidal"

Is that what you want in a partner?

dollydo

Sounds like addiction to me. If he is an IV user I would get myself to the doctor and get tested for STD's and never have unprotected sex with him.

Perhaps, it is time to stop lending him money, and, set some bounderies with him.

Have you read Codependent No More and all the stickeys at the top of all the Family & Friends section, both might be of help to you.

HeWhoSleeps

He's using.
The gut is GOOD.
TRUST your gut.
My Ex Heroin addict boyfriend of eight years? Yeah, the gut-instinct that I had that was always spot on? That was the first thing he tried to tear down and have me question.
TRUST YOURSELF.
TRUST your GUT.
Don't play dumb.
And believe that HIS decisions will have VERY REAL consequences for you if you are not prepared mentally.
For instance, what dollydo said is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT.
Use protection if you're going to sleep with him.
KNOW that "gear" is slang for "dope" and "dope" is slang for heroin. Straight up.
Citric acid is used for IV heroin use.

Hunny...all these things lead to needles. And I'm sorry. Please be careful with yourself. After eight years I thought I could handle it all, do it all, seen it all. Nope. And next month I go to get tested because that guy that I stood by? That guy I thought just needed help? And understanding? And love? Well next month will be three months since that guy jabbed me with a needle during a fight, a needle he claimed wasn't his. Yup.
Don't have that be you.
Keep posting.
You have a HUGE support basis here.

outtolunch

In your other post you mentioned the track marks and he badgers you for money and threathtens to kill himself with smack if you leave him. Yeah, he's addicted and manipulating you. Nuff about him.

You did not cause this.
You cannot control this.
You cannot cure this.

What about this behavior is acceptable to you? Is this how you want to live your life?

" I don't do relationships with drug addicts or people new to recovery" is a boundary. It does not seek to control other people's behavior. He is free to use drugs, con and manipulate other people.

gurlie214

Why on earth is this acceptable to you? Why would you stay in this nightmare? I promise I am not saying that in a judgmental way......it seems you know the truth but can't "see" it for some reason?