Jovet

Ok, so I have a bit of an awkward situation, and ours is not a cut and dry one. Not that anyone's is. Background on me - I watched my sister (9 years older) fall into alcoholism and drug addiction starting at around age 16 (I was 7); she still struggles, and has severe mental illness and disability to boot. At 18, I fell in love with a bipolar man and struggled to save him from a 2-year slide into addiction; I failed. He passed at 33 from extreme alcohol abuse. Due to this, I have been very insistent about not wanting anything to do with anyone who could have a potential addiction.

I also was in a severe car accident as a child and have suffered some head injuries that have resulted in chronic daily migraines, so I am under pain management. I also have various other injuries - bad back, missing left ACL, tendonitis. Life has not been kind; but then, screw taking it easy! I avoid narcotics but have adverse reactions to a great deal of medications and occasionally require them. I save and dole them out for when I absolutely cannot function otherwise.

I am currently engaged to the first person I have met in 13 years I am compatible with - and I mean that, as in I don't even date someone I am not compatible with. We have been dating for 2 1/2 years. He is a long-time recovering heroin and pain pill addict. He does not drink or smoke. He does not use drugs relationally as far as I can tell. He, too, has some pretty serious pain issues (among other things, he has been shot), but does not have insurance. He has a history of stealing pain pills (from his mother). He also has Aspurgers/Adult-onset Autisim and has an immensely difficult time talking to other people, allowing them to touch him, articulating pain, etc. I have to go into the doctor with him to ensure he gets the proper care.

Occasionally, I will need pain medication. For instance, we were recently the victims of a hit-and-run and I have had a solid migraine, neck, and upper back pain since. I was given some pain pills and have been trying to save them. I had four, specifically set aside because I seem to have been having counting issues recently. The pills I set aside for emergencies disappear and as there are only two people in the house, either I am taking them while in a drug-hazed fugue (impossible since I am intentionally asking for the lowest dose narcotics I can get - they wanted to give me stronger, I talked them down; also as this has been happening for a while I have been REALLY watching myself) or my boyfriend is taking them. That or it's fairies. He's sticking with the "you're in a fugue" explanation and I am starting to feel crazy. I am worried, though, because it could be me.

I do have issues - ADHD, extreme anxiety, and then the migraines and chronic pain. Earlier this year I did spend a week in the hospital. I am about an inch away from checking myself back in because I don't know if I am taking these pills or not. If I am this is bad, because I have some dangerous medication that I could kill myself if I took too much of.... but then, this only seems to happen with the pain medications. The pills that he also is able to take.

At this point, it is such a small thing. Even with this, my life is still better in the balance with him then without. My sister is far less functioning then he is, but similar, so I understand that if he is lying, I may never get the truth. I suppose checking into the hospital may be overkill. If I got a combination pill box, or a time-release safe, could that have a high potential to backfire? I have a hard time keeping 24/7 eye on the pills, cause again, I have ADHD and oooo look a butterfly. We are working on getting him a proper diagnosis for the Autisim/etc, so we can get insurance, and into a pain clinic, but for now, I need to be able to leave my house (can't with extreme head pain, light/sound sensitivity, extreme nausea/vomiting), and trust I can rely my meds will be there when I need to. As for the boyfriend, he seems so accommodating, that's what makes me feel so nuts. So confused. I just don't know the best way to handle this, and every time I get accusatory, he gets defensive. bleh. This is just the sort of quandary I was trying to avoid, but I guess that's what I get for having the audacity for growing up in a family that suffered from addiction issues, eh?

I need my meds. Don't want to leave b/f. Other than this small frustration, which really only occurs but once every so often, he's amazing and we are very well-adjusted. So maybe looking for advice or sympathy? What to do, what to do...

~Jovet

Ann

Welcome, Jovet. He is stealing your pain meds...this is a huge red flag that something is terribly wrong, dear.

He has a history of addiction, and it appears he is back at it...ingesting stolen pain pills is a relapse, no matter how you pretty it up.

What you will need to decide, when you are ready, is if this is the life you want for many years to come. It is unlikely to get better soon, and addiction is a progressive disease.

I don't mean to scare you or sound blunt, dealing with addiction is not a normal experience for most.

Please take a good read around, especially the sticky posts at the top of this forum. There is a lot of helpful information there that will let you see what you may be in for.

Glad you joined us.

Hugs

outtolunch

Ann ^ has a story about hormone pills and her son. Perhaps she will share it , once again.

laurie6781

Welcome to SR. You have found a really great site with lots and lots
of experience, strength and hope (ES&H) from folks who are where
you are or have been where you are, who will share not only what has
happened to them but how they have and are dealing with it!

Keep a small notebook in your pocket. When you take a pill mark down
the date and time. Do NOT let him knows you are doing this.

You will soon see if you are taking them all or NOT. I would bet that you
are NOT in a fugue and taking them unknowingly. I would make book that
he has relapsed and it will only get worse not better. You have stated that
you have seemed to have a 'counting' problem for a while now. I will say,
it really really sounds like he has relapsed.

On the pillss that you have hidden, change your hiding spot and do not tell
him where it is. Keep reading on this site, you will learn a lot about addiction
and what you can do for you.

Please keep posting to let us know how you are doing as we do care very much!

Love and hugs,

BeavsDad

Tell him not to touch your pills or you'll call off the engagement, because you won't marry someone you cannot trust.

You could always keep playing detective and continue to let him mess with your head.

hello-kitty

He's doing what addicts do.

Lie. Lie. Lie.
Deny. Deny. Deny.

You are not crazy sweetie. But you might want to look into getting some support through a program like al-anon or nar-anon, because hings are just going to progress and get worse until you are willing to set some boundaries about the kind of treatment you are willing to accept your life... He's stealing your medication, lying to you and making you feel crazy on purpose. What next?

Ann

Okay, I do love telling this story.

I had been to the dentist and had some Tylanol 3's that I hid when I got home. My son stole my hormones, thinking they were the Tylanol 3's and I was furious when I discovered them gone.

He sheepishly confessed when I confronted him and told me he had taken several and wondered what would happen. I told him he would grow breasts. He believed me, I let him, and he checked every day for a month.

It was one of my few triumphs over the years and I still get a kick out of it every time I post it. It was wonderful watching him check with a look of horror on his face. Call me a mean mama, but I truly savored the moment, lol.

FindingErica

You didn't fail because it was never your situation to save. Failure implies you had the ability but did not succeed. You never had the ability, none of us do. Lay that burden down.