supportforme

I feel like the pain just doesn't stop. I've been working really hard on myself and trying to do the best I can for me and my boys. I've been treating their dad with compassion and understanding for his recovery. I've kept my boundries firm and when the crazy starts I shut it down. He has supervised visits. The only people that are authorized to supervise are my mom and 1 of his bothers. Long story about his mom and other brothers - Any way, we've been sharing time with the boys to make it easier on everyone. The boys were doing so well with the shared time and STBXAH makes a futile attempt to try to respect my boundries for the most part. He was working a recovery program and even sat the boys down a number of times to tell them that this is all his fault and he took something away that he had no right to take but he will work his recovery to be the dad they need. I am moving forward with the divorce and I continue to reiterate that there is nothing that will stop the divorce. I continue to talk to the boys about the divorce to minimize their hope that mom and dad will get back together as my therapist advised. The boys were thriving -- we started rebuilding a different family. But, low and behold, I give the final property settlement for the non contested divorce and the manipulation has escalated- I won't even bore all of you with the details because we all know what it is. I feel as though he is doing things to manipulate me but he's hurting our boys. Yesterday, the boys had an all day basketball clinic with NBA players, I suspected he was on pills. He was barely there for some execuse or another. The 13 year old didn't want to stay for the whole clinic - this boy was sooo excited to be play an NBA player - basketball is his life Today our son had a basketball game and his dad was supposed to go to the game. Their dad usually talks to the boys 1st thing in the morning. They called, I texted all day and nothing. My son told me right b/f his game that he was too sick to play. Usually, I would talk him into going; but, honestly, my heart breaks for him so I said I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I love you and I hope you don't stop doing something you love for the wrong reasons. He actually said - I know mom, I'm just having a really bad day today. How sad... I don't know what to do. I wish their Dad would just go to inpatient until he gets better. These boys are not yo - yos and this is emotionally devastating for them. I practically begged both boys to do something with me tonight. They humored me for a little and then went to bed at 8:30 when there's no school tomorrow. I don't even know why I'm posting. I guess I just needed to get it out. Sorry for long post - I'm just so sad for my babies tonight.

Mizzuno

(((hugs))) to you and your boys. You have done everything that you can for one day. Im sorry that you are going through this. You are a good mother. I hope you know that.