myheartaches

I tell myself to keep believing. That he is doing everything that he should be doing to get well...

I tell myself, him and even my mother that I love him. I'm waiting.

He wrote me a letter from rehab saying that he "never wanted to do drugs again," and that that was the first time he had ever said it, that it wasn't just the rehab making him say that, that he didn't want to do anything at all to ruin our relationship ever again.

He said that he was ashamed to be among such child like men in the rehab - that he didn't know when he stopped loving everything about life and letting the drugs take over. But that thank God he still had his intelligence and enough time to still do something with his life, even though he is ashamed at where he is at his age.

I want to believe, but it's so hard. I want to see him, to see if he is staying on the program, checking in everyday. Not avoiding all of his responsibilities. I want to see if he would be loving and kind, and romantic, not lie to me, or screw me over. I want to see if I can believe his words.

I keep praying every day.

Does anybody have any success stories to tell me? Or is there no hope at all?

incitingsilence

Are you remembering to believe in yourself as well?
Are you doing everything you need to for your own recovery?

And to let go, well we all must let go of what isn’t ours. Letting go has nothing to do with staying or leaving, letting go is having the presence of mind to know that you can only control your actions, reactions…


There is always hope … the trick is to know that just because you have hope and want the best that, that won’t have anything to do with him, what he is or isn’t doing. If he stays in recovery or not. Be hopeful, believe but always remember this is about you. You are here because of you, for your best chances.

And success stories, be you own just as he will have to be his. Addicts recover everyday, so do those who love them … and the truth of the matter is if you don’t jump in both feet and take care of you, you won’t have any success story at all, for you. Again he is the one in control of his success just as you are in control of yours.

Ann

Letting go is a personal choice, as is the timing.

My son is my addicted loved one and I found that it was okay for me to support him and encourage him when he was taking positive action to make his life better...such as rehab, meetings and staying clean...and to let go again and detach if/when addiction reared its ugly head.

Something that helped me keep my balance through all this was going to meetings. Maybe check your area for Al-anon, Nar-anon or CoDA meetings and give them a try. These meetings are about "us" and coping with living life on life's terms.

There is always hope, for them and for us.

Hugs

outtolunch

This is codependency. There is nothing you can say or do that will cause or prevent him from relapsing.

Rehab does not cure addiction. Best case it will provide a highly motivated addict with an opportunity to learn some of the tools of recovery. This is the easy part. Using those tools in the real world and doing so forever is the real challenge.

Relapse is a part of addiction, not recovery. There is nothing you can say or do to prevent a relapse if that is his intent. Can you give him the dignity to work his own recovery as he sees fit to do?

Have you read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie? You can pick up a copy at your local library or used at Amazon.