nmb4421

If this isn't where I'm supposed to post things like this, I'm sorry. Please let me know where to go. I'm new here and this is a lot to take in.

I've been married nearly seven years since 2005. Before my husband and I got married, I knew he was in recovery (methadone/counseling) and was aware of his past history of drug use. Two years ago, he had a couple of relapses. (He's currently in a methadone program, but through a different clinic since his first relapse)

I came here because I am having trouble regaining trust in him, and many things trigger the fear and stress I felt during his relapse periods. Sometimes I think he's still using, because I recognize signs and behavior. Actually, I'm almost certain he's using again and not going to the clinic.

I really need to communicate with others who are going through or have had this experience before.

Thanks for reading.

Dee74

Welcome nmb

I've moved your thread here. I know you'll find a lot of understanding and support on SR.

D

GardenMama

You are in the right place. Others will be along shortly to offer experience and insights and support. I couldn't sleep and so I have been reading the "stickies" at the top of this forum--I'm not articulate enough right now to offer much myself--but do read them and read others' stories here for comfort in the meantime. One thing I know is that your hunch that he's using is probably spot-on. Keep reading, and come back often. SR has been an awesome support for lots of people in your situation.

Impurrfect

((nmb)) - Welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what has brought you here. When I first got here, I read the stickies (posts at the top of the forum) and a LOT of other threads. I found out "my" story was very similar to others, and we are not alone.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Titanic

The stickies at the top of this Friends and Family of Substance Abusers forum are a good place to start.

Here's a recent thread on Trust. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...457-trust.html

WELCOME!

P.S. We all felt we didn't want to belong here at first!

nmb4421

Thanks everyone. I'm sorry I don't have any stories to tell, but I'm pretty numb to all of my husband's crap at this point. He was doing great in recovery until the relapses. He's back in recovery again, but I find that I am unable to trust him. I still find things around the house. I see things that trigger fear in me. I still feel sick when I see a normal object that was related to his past drug use. Financially, we're in a bad position despite the fact that he has a professional job. I am isolated from friends and family, and no one knows. On the surface, we appear to be a normal struggling middle class couple. I have this awful secret, though.

I have read the stickies - very helpful info. I know I'm not alone.

Thank you.

Perhaps I'm looking for the kind of support you get when you go to a meeting, so I'll try that.

February13

I am/was in a similar situation (I moved out) and found it very hard to have this "secret".

Going to Alanon meetings has helped me a lot.

FindingErica

I stopped keeping his secret because then it became my problem too. My husband is also a high earning professional and we are in horrible debt. There is a lot of good advice contained on these forums, stick around. In answer to your post, it appears your husband was an addict when you met him and still is. Get knowledgeable on what that means

nmb4421

Yes, he had problems before we met. I knew he was recovering. Things were going really well for several years before his relapse - which may have been triggered by the death of a close loved one. (I also am aware of the fact that he uses that as an excuse.) I even expected a relapse, but I will admit that I was not prepared for everything that happened. I almost feel like a fool.

People very close to me know, but it has taken me a long time (too long) to realize I need to get help for myself in terms of going to meetings for family members of substance abusers.

It's been a hard two years. Oh, and the debt sucks. Thanks again for the words. I'll be looking around the site more often.

interrupted

I think it's very common to not realize that we also need help in learning how to deal with addiction, our own emotions, control, and our unhealthy desire to be needed. For a long time I was so consumed with the problems in my family that I never really took the time to shine a light on myself and start learning what I could do to stop being so frustrated and angry all the time.

I ended up here when I was at the end of my ability to cope with my situation - the end of my rope. I think that's pretty common; we do what isn't working for longer than any normal person would, and when we finally can't face another battle in the constant war against a reality that is consuming us we break down and reach out for help. That's when healing can really start.

Keep posting and sharing your story. It helps. Welcome to SR.