Liar, Liar, Range Rover on Fire: Missing him!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
Lara
i have loved some very draining souls, that i will never work out why i allowed myself to get pulled into something that was so painful, and obviously not right for me (i too get given a hell of a lot of signs that, like you, justified away). i use to wake up in the middle of the night already crying. it was enormously difficult to walk away from someone i cared for, but i did, only to let myself be dragged back into the drama again. i never made sense of it, but i guess there was something missing in my life that i needed this person to fill. someone who wanted me. and maybe if i wanted them enough, loved them enough, gave them my everything, they would see that i was worth the effort to.
but at the end of the day, that void could only be filled by myself. only i could give myself those things, and value myself in a way no one else could. this guy no longer has a hold over me the way he did. he is still in my life, and he still thinks i am the one that he has been looking for to be his partner, but i disagree. although he is a lovely guy (and he is not an addict of any kind, just a bit of an idiot) i know he isnt right for me, and that the time and love i gave him, was not wasted, but was just part of my journey of learning about myself. i just wish i could have learnt this lesson a little quicker, and saved myself a lot of pain. but maybe that is the only way i was going to learn.
life gets better when you dont beat yourself up for the mistakes (in my home we dont call them mistakes, we call them learning opportunities...but that just made the sentence sound wrong...lol). good luck, and hope that your trip is uneventful. try to just see him as someone you care for, but are no longer entwined with. the only drama you get involved in, is the one you choose to involve yourself in. its just a business trip.
hugs.
i have loved some very draining souls, that i will never work out why i allowed myself to get pulled into something that was so painful, and obviously not right for me (i too get given a hell of a lot of signs that, like you, justified away). i use to wake up in the middle of the night already crying. it was enormously difficult to walk away from someone i cared for, but i did, only to let myself be dragged back into the drama again. i never made sense of it, but i guess there was something missing in my life that i needed this person to fill. someone who wanted me. and maybe if i wanted them enough, loved them enough, gave them my everything, they would see that i was worth the effort to.
but at the end of the day, that void could only be filled by myself. only i could give myself those things, and value myself in a way no one else could. this guy no longer has a hold over me the way he did. he is still in my life, and he still thinks i am the one that he has been looking for to be his partner, but i disagree. although he is a lovely guy (and he is not an addict of any kind, just a bit of an idiot) i know he isnt right for me, and that the time and love i gave him, was not wasted, but was just part of my journey of learning about myself. i just wish i could have learnt this lesson a little quicker, and saved myself a lot of pain. but maybe that is the only way i was going to learn.
life gets better when you dont beat yourself up for the mistakes (in my home we dont call them mistakes, we call them learning opportunities...but that just made the sentence sound wrong...lol). good luck, and hope that your trip is uneventful. try to just see him as someone you care for, but are no longer entwined with. the only drama you get involved in, is the one you choose to involve yourself in. its just a business trip.
hugs.
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