zoso77

Tryingtoforgive...

I got to the part of your original post about your jewelry being gone and $2000 on your credit card, and then I had to stop reading.

Addiction does not excuse horrendous behavior under ANY circumstances.

You have some major, major decision on your radar that come with major, major consequences. And while I will not tell you what to do, what I will tell you is in order to make informed decisions, you need to know what it is you're dealing with. It ain't pretty. Please make these decisions based on what you know to be true instead of what your heart's telling you.

Best,
ZoSo

Tryingtoforgive

Thanks again everyone for your insight. I have learned a lot from what you all have been posting.

I guess my problem is what some of you said that I am remembering all the good in him, the good person he is when he is sober and not this monster I met 30 days ago.

No it is not ok that he has stolen from me, I am very very disgusted and angry about that but, I am trying to stay positive. Yes they are material things but that's just it they are material things. I am angry but I can't dwell on that. I am dwelling on what he is doing to himself.

Once again to explain my mom, I have a cousin that is a Heroin addict and has been for 20 years (he is about 45 now and I haven't seen him since his mother (my aunt) died 10 years ago. I know he stole everything from her home including her car. Once my aunt passed away he turned her home into some type of prostitute den. It was crazy. Now my mother would just always say I don't get it. His addiction started with pain pills from an accident and then eventually led to heroin. I don't know if he has ever gone to rehab but my mom thinks one time in rehab fixes you and she doesn't get how drugs take over the mind. You can tell her over and over and over and she doesn't understand.

I know I should have her file a police report and possible file against him I know but for her she would feel it was a waste of time and would not want any drama. My mom leaves town often and is enjoying her retirement she just wouldnt want to be bothered. I know it sounds crazy but I meant it when I said she is a different kind of person.

I do not want this life for myself no I don't and I am 27 years old and I am ready to be married and start having kids (of course I am not saying that it will happen with him) So of course I dont want nor do I need to be dealing with this.

If this had happened to me over and over and over again with him I would be done. Yes. But I am staying positive because this is my first "rodeo" with him. His addiction stemmed from oxys and then graduated to Heroin but never shooting up it is always snorting. It doesn't make it better but just to throw it out there he has never done it in front of me.

I know I sound crazy but I am taking this time to think, think, think, about what I am going do in the long run. When he is sober he is the perfect man but high yes it is a different story.

Tryingtoforgive

Oh and I am getting repaid for the money he stole. His work check came in the mail today and that is all mine. When he gets out he still has his job (they were laid off for the past 2 weeks) so he can continue to work.

And I am really hoping he does that naltrexone shot. I still haven't heard about anyones experience with it but I have a post in another forum I am getting some responses to.

GardenMama

There's so much PROCESS in all of this recovery stuff! I was smiling reading Kylie's first two posts to Trying--what a lot you have learned in such a short, short time, my dear! You may be a teenager in years, but you have a lot of wisdom and intelligence going for you. I can see/read that you are doing work on your own recovery, even if you feel too shy to go to a meeting...And Trying, you are being so honest and open. These are things I think that we expect here, and yet sometimes people with years of painful experience, can't help but yell "FIRE!" for people new to the addict scene, especially when you all share so freely. Put simply, we don't want you to experience the pain we have experienced. And as recovering Codies, we think we know what's best for you!

I have been thinking about this whole "addict" idea lately--the "once an addict always an addict" concept we find here and elsewhere. I tried to read the book Addict in The Family last week and just kept freezing at the title. (I did read gobs of Codependent No More!) A little background: My recovering AD just turned 19 this week. She has been clean since June 28th of this year. She lives in a sober house, is attending college full-time, and is still doing NA meetings & outpatient. She's trying hard to get her life back on track. She's doing a few things that bother me--older BF she met in recovery, not being in touch with me (same city), among a few other things--but these are petty in comparison to where she was in June. (On her way home to go to rehab, she also got high and arrived high at our airport. Doesn't remember her flight, left stuff on the plane, etc.)

Her continued sobriety remains an unknown. Sadly, or realistically, I kind of expect her to relapse based on the statistics. If she doesn't, that's great. I know she is a bona fide addict. But recently I am finding a way to accept that and also hold her best self in my mind--that amazing person I fondly remember. What that doesn't mean is that I will let her live at home, give her money, make excuses for her, or wreck my sanity trying to help her again, even if she stays clean. Trust will be a long time coming.

Some people find great solace in thinking of the person as an Addict, period. That's okay. We all have to find ways to cope with this. Some of us see things in a less stark, more nuanced way. Both ways are fine as long as we make our OWN recovery our priority, whether the person we love is our beloved child, sister, or mate.

You are in for a ride, no matter what you choose. Focus on your needs & be as honest and open with your family and your BF as you have been here. Keep reading here and elsewhere. Peace.

allforcnm

Hi Trying,

I can tell you our experience with naltrexone. My husband suffered a sports injury and that got him started on pain meds. I don’t think he ever advanced to heroin, but before he quit he did try out Bezos (Xanax) and coke. When he decided to end his use; he first tried to stop on his own. He didn’t make it through that as he started to get really ill. From what we were told by the doctors, the life threatening severe withdrawal symptoms he experienced were from the benzos; not the opiates. The opiates just make you completely miserable but in most cases the withdrawals wont actually kill you.

After his attempt failed; he did not want to go through severe withdrawals again. So what we ended up doing was opting for a treatment called Rapid Detox specifically for the opiates. (It didn’t handle the benzo use; but they had other ways to assist him with this while he was hospitalized). Im not sure if you are familiar with this procedure. A lot of people are not.

Basically, you are put under sedation, all the monitors and everything just like if you were in the ICU are available to you. The meds they give you to eliminate the opiates from your body would cause unbearable pain if you were awake. The whole process is hard on your body, and that is why it is done in the hospital, and with full monitoring. The procedure takes about a day, and then my husband stayed in the hospital for about 4 days. And its expensive and not covered by insurance.

Maybe more than you wanted to know; but at the end of the process once all the opiates are removed; you are injected with naltrexone. This is what my husband did. So as far as side effects from this; he really hasn’t had any. If he did it was in the very beginning when he was still suffering some from the benzos and we attributed it to that. It was not bad.

You understood the way it works…. Im not a scientist, so this may not be technically correct, but the drug latches onto receptors and prevents opiates from attaching if you were to take them. Because of this, you cant get high.
After my husband went through the detox he entered a non-12 step rehab.

He did 90 days which included some outpatient, and now he is about 5 months clean; back home with me and out son, and he is back to work. He does continue to get counseling once a week, and has made a lot of lifestyle changes. We also worked a program of marriage counseling simultaneously with his rehab which was very helpful to us. We continue to do this, but only once a month now.

As for the naltrexone injections; it was suggested that he take it for at least 6 months, and the reason for that is because it is also suggested ( and may be required in some places ) that you get follow up counseling – sort of like to double team you and make sure you work through the issues that got you hooked to begin with. I guess they figure 6 months time and you should have made enough progress, and also broke the mental chain of addiction to where statistically you’ve a better chance to remain free of opiates. But, my husband did not want to continue taking it. It was just a mental thing for him. He had this feeling like by taking it, and knowing it was blocking the high it would somehow interfere with the work he was doing mentally/emotionally in rehab & he didn’t want setbacks later on when he would go off the injections. So he only took it for two months, and then he had time to feel confident the shot was not really what was bringing out the changes in him. He had to do what was best for him, and well it appears to have worked for him so far, so I cant argue. And also, I should tell you about me. Initially while he was actively using I did a lot of reading and research, and then once he went into rehab I started working with the family counselor there. It helped me a lot to work through my own issues, worries, and teach me healthy ways to deal with my husband’s recovery and our future. Now I see a therapist about twice a month. Anyway, hope sharing our experience can help you just a bit.

If you have more questions that I can answer, just send me a note.