When does he stop playing the victim?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Moorhead, MN
Posts: 6
When does he stop playing the victim?
Some of you may know that my RAH is in the hospital with pneumonia right now. His Dr said yesterday that he was ok from a lung standpoint but that there were other issues regarding his thyroid that came up. We've been trying to find a reason for his interstitial lung disease and the thyroid may be the answer. An endocrinologist will be seeing him today...so I'm really excited that we may have discovered the cause for his medical problems over the past year.
I went to see him this morning and thought he would be in good spirits knowing we may have an answer but instead I walk in with our 2 year old to find him half stoned and barely able to keep his eyes open. Turns out he's been getting morphine, oxycodone, ativan and sleeping pills. His history has been narcotic abuse along with alcohol. He's been sober since April. I don't get it!! He's supposed to be coming home today and thought he would be taking more of an initiative to get out but instead he sits there with nothing to say.
On a side note, I'm an RN and he's on the same floor that I work on so all of my coworkers have been taking care of him.
It seems to be so complicated yet so simple. If I knew I had addictive tendencies towards narcotics, I would tell the Dr not to order them so I wouldn't be tempted to take them. After about an hour, I looked at him and said I couldn't stand to see him like this and that it was too hard. It brought me back to how he was at home just 5 months ago when he was shooting up heroin (half opened eyes, constricted pupils and mumbled speech).
I feel like he deserves to have someone who can be a little more supportive, which I want to be, but when I see him like that, I get angry and don't care anymore. When will he STOP playing the victim role????
I posted this with the alcoholic family thread but thought maybe the substance abuse was more appropriate.
I went to see him this morning and thought he would be in good spirits knowing we may have an answer but instead I walk in with our 2 year old to find him half stoned and barely able to keep his eyes open. Turns out he's been getting morphine, oxycodone, ativan and sleeping pills. His history has been narcotic abuse along with alcohol. He's been sober since April. I don't get it!! He's supposed to be coming home today and thought he would be taking more of an initiative to get out but instead he sits there with nothing to say.
On a side note, I'm an RN and he's on the same floor that I work on so all of my coworkers have been taking care of him.
It seems to be so complicated yet so simple. If I knew I had addictive tendencies towards narcotics, I would tell the Dr not to order them so I wouldn't be tempted to take them. After about an hour, I looked at him and said I couldn't stand to see him like this and that it was too hard. It brought me back to how he was at home just 5 months ago when he was shooting up heroin (half opened eyes, constricted pupils and mumbled speech).
I feel like he deserves to have someone who can be a little more supportive, which I want to be, but when I see him like that, I get angry and don't care anymore. When will he STOP playing the victim role????
I posted this with the alcoholic family thread but thought maybe the substance abuse was more appropriate.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
I'm so sorry for your situation. In your shoes I would be feeling desperation, rage, grief, hurt.
Yes, absolutely, someone with addictive disease who is committed to sobriety would definitely alert the medical staff about his condition, would arrange for his recovering peers to be right there beside him not only in the hospital but in the days, weeks and months which follow, and would be arranging for you to help him out by holding any necessary medications in the days home from the hospital until the prescribed medications are all taken.
But it is not uncommon for the addict mind to kick right in, in this kind of scenario, and take the ball and run with it. The addict will always be an addict, and the literature says that the addict mind is always there, right there, ready to roll, with the smallest opportunity. Recovering addicts stay in close touch with each other and work a daily recovery program of some kind because of this ever-present risk. They help each other stay clean and sober.
And while he certainly has significant medical issues, there is likely a connection between those and his history of severe alcohol abuse in particular, for alcohol just wrecks the body, the tissues, organs, all of it. All of the body is toxic. People die from alcohol every day and not just from the usual diagnoses of cirrhosis and throat cancer. Alcohol damages everything.
You will need some professional support to deal with what is ahead for your family, because it is going to be bad. I'm sorry to say, but it's true. And being upset with him, hurt, sad, angry is completely okay, at first. But then you need to get some serious professional counseling. Because you are incapable of handling this crisis alone. It is much too big. Addiction is much to big for anyone to deal with alone.
He is at the mercy of his disease right now. He has lost the power to choose, it is in control. He must also seek professional help, serious and long term professional help to come off the opiates. And AA is where he can find real direction for getting off the booze.
But he has hooked up again, with those substances, and he is now in severe active addiction today, and he is as a result a hazard to your toddler. You must never, never leave the child with him alone. NEVER. You may say to yourself, "He will surely not get loaded while he has our child in his care." BUT HE WILL. He will not be an exception. HE WILL GET HIGH when taking care of the child and you out of the house.
The hospital has resources. Social workers. Find that office. Ask for referral to a professional addictions/codependency counselor. And you will likely be handed a schedule for Al-Anon meetings in your area.
Your husband will not be trustworthy this week, nor the next, nor the next, nor for many many many weeks. So get some good advice. Your little baby is depending on you. It is a dangerous world out there. And unfortunately, he has a dangerous dad.
Yes, absolutely, someone with addictive disease who is committed to sobriety would definitely alert the medical staff about his condition, would arrange for his recovering peers to be right there beside him not only in the hospital but in the days, weeks and months which follow, and would be arranging for you to help him out by holding any necessary medications in the days home from the hospital until the prescribed medications are all taken.
But it is not uncommon for the addict mind to kick right in, in this kind of scenario, and take the ball and run with it. The addict will always be an addict, and the literature says that the addict mind is always there, right there, ready to roll, with the smallest opportunity. Recovering addicts stay in close touch with each other and work a daily recovery program of some kind because of this ever-present risk. They help each other stay clean and sober.
And while he certainly has significant medical issues, there is likely a connection between those and his history of severe alcohol abuse in particular, for alcohol just wrecks the body, the tissues, organs, all of it. All of the body is toxic. People die from alcohol every day and not just from the usual diagnoses of cirrhosis and throat cancer. Alcohol damages everything.
You will need some professional support to deal with what is ahead for your family, because it is going to be bad. I'm sorry to say, but it's true. And being upset with him, hurt, sad, angry is completely okay, at first. But then you need to get some serious professional counseling. Because you are incapable of handling this crisis alone. It is much too big. Addiction is much to big for anyone to deal with alone.
He is at the mercy of his disease right now. He has lost the power to choose, it is in control. He must also seek professional help, serious and long term professional help to come off the opiates. And AA is where he can find real direction for getting off the booze.
But he has hooked up again, with those substances, and he is now in severe active addiction today, and he is as a result a hazard to your toddler. You must never, never leave the child with him alone. NEVER. You may say to yourself, "He will surely not get loaded while he has our child in his care." BUT HE WILL. He will not be an exception. HE WILL GET HIGH when taking care of the child and you out of the house.
The hospital has resources. Social workers. Find that office. Ask for referral to a professional addictions/codependency counselor. And you will likely be handed a schedule for Al-Anon meetings in your area.
Your husband will not be trustworthy this week, nor the next, nor the next, nor for many many many weeks. So get some good advice. Your little baby is depending on you. It is a dangerous world out there. And unfortunately, he has a dangerous dad.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Enfield, IL
Posts: 45
I completely understand your situation...I once was with a man with some pretty serious medical issues he was drug free for nearly 3 years ..UNTIL behind my back he went to his doc to tell him he was in pain and the doc started with perc prescriptions ...the very same doctor that had admitted him to rehab in the past for an opiate addiction...to make a long story short 8 months later he died...I filed a complaint against the doc ..who wasn't formaly charged because as I said Patrick has some serious medical issues that perhaps warrented pain meds however he had proven time and time again he was unable to safely manage them ... the complaint will remain in the docs record for 10 years though and it made me feel better that they did feel my complain warrented the investigation ....I feel your anger, disgust even but most importantly dissappointment ...sometimes I just wish he would have drawn from my strength for him to stay clean ..and healthy ..
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
My first year of sobriety I had pneumonia 9 TIMES. When I said to my doctor that
my immune system must be low he looked at me and said "What Immune System?"
As I stayed sober I did get healthy.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
my immune system must be low he looked at me and said "What Immune System?"
As I stayed sober I did get healthy.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
Originally Posted by Whiteirony 
I feel like he deserves to have someone who can be a little more supportive, which I want to be, but when I see him like that, I get angry and don't care anymore. When will he STOP playing the victim role????
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