Looking at the Root Cause of my Son's Substance Abuse - Have you ever done that ?
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Originally Posted by Sunshine2 
My immediate response, especially for mothers, is how could you possibly think we have not done that over and over again? I almost went mad with guilt about all the things I did that "caused" my son's addiction and he got a lot of mileage out of that guilt for more than 10 years.
It will drive you insane doing this. It will prevent you from moving on because you cannot go back and fix whatever you think you did wrong. The reality is that you and me and every one else did the best we knew how.
For years I watched my eldest sister blaming my parents and her husband for everything wrong in her life. I saw how my parents buying into that stopped her from ever taking responsibility for her actions. She is in her 60s and still hasn't taken responsibility for her life. Sad, really.
Parents make mistakes and people go through bad experiences. Life happens. To use that as an excuse not to take responsibility for your actions is the most self-destructive thing anyone can do. Your son is an adult. Unless someone took a pill and forced it down his throat or put a pipe in his mouth and held his nose shut, he is the only one responsible for being an addict.
I see addiction as having a strong genetic root. People experiment and some become addicted. Every human being suffers emotional pain. Going through it is the best way to learn coping skills. Some choose the easy way out and drown it, only to find that in the long term it causes a lot more pain.
The biggest mistake I did with my son was not letting him learn those coping skills and trying to smooth his road ahead of him. Is there anyway that I could have known my love for him stopped him from growing? Absolutely not. But I did it and he chose drugs as his method of coping. I am way past playing the blame game.
MrsDragon, I get the impression that you mistake the coping skills we learnt for heartlessness and not caring enough. You said you know all about addiction after 2 years. I understand where you are coming from because you remind me of myself after two years. You will feel differently after 10 and 20 years of living with addiction in your life.
We do not love our children any less than you do. We do not wish for their addiction to stop any less than you do. We are not less compassionate and caring than you are. We just reached a stage where we had to finally accept reality.
I hope that it will not be necessary for you to reach this stage and that your son will find recovery. I must be honest with you, from what you have shared so far it doesn't look good. I hope I am wrong.
It will drive you insane doing this. It will prevent you from moving on because you cannot go back and fix whatever you think you did wrong. The reality is that you and me and every one else did the best we knew how.
For years I watched my eldest sister blaming my parents and her husband for everything wrong in her life. I saw how my parents buying into that stopped her from ever taking responsibility for her actions. She is in her 60s and still hasn't taken responsibility for her life. Sad, really.
Parents make mistakes and people go through bad experiences. Life happens. To use that as an excuse not to take responsibility for your actions is the most self-destructive thing anyone can do. Your son is an adult. Unless someone took a pill and forced it down his throat or put a pipe in his mouth and held his nose shut, he is the only one responsible for being an addict.
I see addiction as having a strong genetic root. People experiment and some become addicted. Every human being suffers emotional pain. Going through it is the best way to learn coping skills. Some choose the easy way out and drown it, only to find that in the long term it causes a lot more pain.
The biggest mistake I did with my son was not letting him learn those coping skills and trying to smooth his road ahead of him. Is there anyway that I could have known my love for him stopped him from growing? Absolutely not. But I did it and he chose drugs as his method of coping. I am way past playing the blame game.
MrsDragon, I get the impression that you mistake the coping skills we learnt for heartlessness and not caring enough. You said you know all about addiction after 2 years. I understand where you are coming from because you remind me of myself after two years. You will feel differently after 10 and 20 years of living with addiction in your life.
We do not love our children any less than you do. We do not wish for their addiction to stop any less than you do. We are not less compassionate and caring than you are. We just reached a stage where we had to finally accept reality.
I hope that it will not be necessary for you to reach this stage and that your son will find recovery. I must be honest with you, from what you have shared so far it doesn't look good. I hope I am wrong.
But for others who maybe are not at peace yet; that is why I placed the warning. As I stated in my original post, I don’t think finding root cause is about pointing the finger and blaming family members for our loved ones using substances. But I do think in most cases there is a root cause, and while it may be uncomfortable to look at, I think examining it, reaching a conclusion, and making peace with it is a necessary step in the healing process.
I know the views on root cause are numerous, and that is why I asked only for those who wanted to share their own personal conclusions. I didn’t want to start a general debate.
Im personally not looking for the common denominator to link addiction. If there was one it would most likely be that of genetics; but in our case there is no history on either side of the family that we have identified.
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Thank you to everyone who took the time to share their own personal perspective. Ive read a lot about this topic, but have never discussed it within a group setting. As I stated, I didn’t want to cause a debate, or trigger negative feelings for anyone, but I personally think root cause is an important factor in my son’s use of substances, and wondered if others felt the same about their loved ones.
I will reiterate what I said in my opening post:
I'm not taking responsibility for his using. I'm not trying to find the “solution” to his root cause; both these thing I believe need to happen; but I also believe he is capable of handling this & will find the answers in his own time, and his own way.
But as parents, I also feel my husband and I had the immense responsibility of teaching our son numerous life skills that he would then carry into adulthood. I don’t feel that the development of these skills ended with our teachings; but it was the foundation.
With that in my mind; I think it is important for my husband and I; to look at our role as parents if we sense maybe there is a weakness in an area of development. I don’t think its healthy to dwell on it, but we need to examine it, reach a conclusion within ourselves, in order to find peace and acceptance. It is about our healing not his.
I personally feel that our son must deal with the event / emotions that caused him to turn to substances in order to numb his pain. He needs to get all the way back to the root cause, and resolve it, if he is ever to be emotionally healthy (and free of substances).
I do appreciate those of you (and there were several) who posted and told of your own struggles with substance abuse. In the beginning I was like your mothers who asked him directly – what did we do wrong? And he said “nothing”. I asked him why he wanted to use the cocaine to numb himself, and he said “he wasn’t ready to deal with the situation”, “it made him feel better”, and “he liked it – a lot”. So I know he is completely aware of what he is doing, and more importantly what he needs to do to stop; to heal.…. He just has to make that choice and see it through.
Once again, thank you to all who shared here.
I will reiterate what I said in my opening post:
I'm not taking responsibility for his using. I'm not trying to find the “solution” to his root cause; both these thing I believe need to happen; but I also believe he is capable of handling this & will find the answers in his own time, and his own way.
But as parents, I also feel my husband and I had the immense responsibility of teaching our son numerous life skills that he would then carry into adulthood. I don’t feel that the development of these skills ended with our teachings; but it was the foundation.
With that in my mind; I think it is important for my husband and I; to look at our role as parents if we sense maybe there is a weakness in an area of development. I don’t think its healthy to dwell on it, but we need to examine it, reach a conclusion within ourselves, in order to find peace and acceptance. It is about our healing not his.
I personally feel that our son must deal with the event / emotions that caused him to turn to substances in order to numb his pain. He needs to get all the way back to the root cause, and resolve it, if he is ever to be emotionally healthy (and free of substances).
I do appreciate those of you (and there were several) who posted and told of your own struggles with substance abuse. In the beginning I was like your mothers who asked him directly – what did we do wrong? And he said “nothing”. I asked him why he wanted to use the cocaine to numb himself, and he said “he wasn’t ready to deal with the situation”, “it made him feel better”, and “he liked it – a lot”. So I know he is completely aware of what he is doing, and more importantly what he needs to do to stop; to heal.…. He just has to make that choice and see it through.
Once again, thank you to all who shared here.
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Originally Posted by MrsDragon
With that in my mind; I think it is important for my husband and I; to look at our role as parents if we sense maybe there is a weakness in an area of development. I don’t think its healthy to dwell on it, but we need to examine it, reach a conclusion within ourselves, in order to find peace and acceptance. It is about our healing not his.
I carried a ton of guilt over my parenting in regard to my oldest daughter. I made a lot of decisions based on that guilt, and they were unhealthy for all involved.
Thank God for my own recovery and the ability to let go of that guilt.
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I've wasted many an hour....no......many a day.......no.......many a month.......no many a year...... trying to analyze the cause of my son's addiction. It was something I felt the need to do at the time. And I understand the need that people have to do so.....it was part of my journey and I can certainly understand why it is part of someone else's. I eventually came to the conclusion that I had a lot of work to do on myself and I needed to understand my own motivations. I had my life to live but I was very busy trying to orchestrate and figure his out.
Bottomline of all of those years of examination of my son's life? He loves to party. He loves the way drugs make him feel. And he has a genetic predisposition to addiction. I am living proof of that genetic predisposition because I am addicted to him (working on my own recovery from that addiction!).
The more I focus on my son, the less I focus on myself.
My focus today is on fixing me......not figuring out and fixing him. That's his job and I believe he is capable of doing that when/if he decides to do so.
I still read books on addiction......but not as much to figure out my son as much as to recognize the similarities between the addictive thinking of the codependent mind and the addict mind. The similarities are remarkable. While I've pointed the finger at him calling him an addict, there were three other fingers pointing right back at me.
gentle hugs
ke
Bottomline of all of those years of examination of my son's life? He loves to party. He loves the way drugs make him feel. And he has a genetic predisposition to addiction. I am living proof of that genetic predisposition because I am addicted to him (working on my own recovery from that addiction!).
The more I focus on my son, the less I focus on myself.
My focus today is on fixing me......not figuring out and fixing him. That's his job and I believe he is capable of doing that when/if he decides to do so.
I still read books on addiction......but not as much to figure out my son as much as to recognize the similarities between the addictive thinking of the codependent mind and the addict mind. The similarities are remarkable. While I've pointed the finger at him calling him an addict, there were three other fingers pointing right back at me.
gentle hugs
ke
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MrsDragon, I have gone to a lot of therapy sessions in my life and without a doubt they all helped somewhat. The best of them all was hypnotherapy that took me back to the womb and then the rest of my life. I absolutely see the purpose of looking at the motivators behind certain behaviours.
In the end, though, I realised that for every root cause I got resolved, another one reared its head. A bit like a seeing the ice cap above the sea and not realising the mountain that lies beneath the surface. I came to the conclusion that resolving every issue I have is impossible.
This is only my believe and I don't expect you to share it I find acceptance a more useful tool. Accepting that my son makes his own choices and has his own life to live and that I should stay out of his business. Accepting that drug addiction has become so big in the world. Accepting that my beautiful child will not become what I dreamed for him, but what he wants for himself. Accepting that a perfect world exists nowhere but in my dreams. Accepting that life is never going to be perfect, but that I can still live a happy, joyful life.
Your statements sometimes feel as if it is accusatory, as if I don't care for my son as much as you do for yours. It sometimes feel as if you are negating my whole experience and the wisdom I feel I earned the hard way and it makes me react sharper than I mean to. I do see that it is my problem and not yours. Maybe it speaks to some residual left-over guilt in me...
In the end, though, I realised that for every root cause I got resolved, another one reared its head. A bit like a seeing the ice cap above the sea and not realising the mountain that lies beneath the surface. I came to the conclusion that resolving every issue I have is impossible.
This is only my believe and I don't expect you to share it
I find acceptance a more useful tool. Accepting that my son makes his own choices and has his own life to live and that I should stay out of his business. Accepting that drug addiction has become so big in the world. Accepting that my beautiful child will not become what I dreamed for him, but what he wants for himself. Accepting that a perfect world exists nowhere but in my dreams. Accepting that life is never going to be perfect, but that I can still live a happy, joyful life.Your statements sometimes feel as if it is accusatory, as if I don't care for my son as much as you do for yours. It sometimes feel as if you are negating my whole experience and the wisdom I feel I earned the hard way and it makes me react sharper than I mean to. I do see that it is my problem and not yours
. Maybe it speaks to some residual left-over guilt in me...
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Root cause is my son's work not mine - if I spend time pondering it, I am only guessing because I am not my son. Better to learn about and understand myself.
My son is old enough to take care of himself so I continue to focus on letting him do that.
Mrs. Dragon, what were you doing at 29 years old?
My son is old enough to take care of himself so I continue to focus on letting him do that.
Mrs. Dragon, what were you doing at 29 years old?
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Life is short. I've passed the half-century mark, so the years ahead are far fewer than those behind.
When I've expressed regrets to my son (if only we'd known how bad the bullying was, given you more structure, sent you to a more supportive school, or whatever)...he has responded by saying "I would have found my way here anyway. It has nothing to do with you." And that's the way it is.
I spend time on my recovery, which means focusing on the tools that will help me lead a full serene life. I definitely falter, and slip into the mode of worrying about my children's lives and decisions more than I should. However, doing a root cause analysis of my son's addiction would waste precious time that I would rather spend on living my life. The last thing I need for my own serenity is to wallow more deeply than I already do into the chaos of his problems.
When I've expressed regrets to my son (if only we'd known how bad the bullying was, given you more structure, sent you to a more supportive school, or whatever)...he has responded by saying "I would have found my way here anyway. It has nothing to do with you." And that's the way it is.
I spend time on my recovery, which means focusing on the tools that will help me lead a full serene life. I definitely falter, and slip into the mode of worrying about my children's lives and decisions more than I should. However, doing a root cause analysis of my son's addiction would waste precious time that I would rather spend on living my life. The last thing I need for my own serenity is to wallow more deeply than I already do into the chaos of his problems.
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Originally Posted by SundaysChild
Life is short. I've passed the half-century mark, so the years ahead are far fewer than those behind.
When I've expressed regrets to my son (if only we'd known how bad the bullying was, given you more structure, sent you to a more supportive school, or whatever)...he has responded by saying "I would have found my way here anyway. It has nothing to do with you." And that's the way it is.
I spend time on my recovery, which means focusing on the tools that will help me lead a full serene life. I definitely falter, and slip into the mode of worrying about my children's lives and decisions more than I should. However, doing a root cause analysis of my son's addiction would waste precious time that I would rather spend on living my life. The last thing I need for my own serenity is to wallow more deeply than I already do into the chaos of his problems.
When I've expressed regrets to my son (if only we'd known how bad the bullying was, given you more structure, sent you to a more supportive school, or whatever)...he has responded by saying "I would have found my way here anyway. It has nothing to do with you." And that's the way it is.
I spend time on my recovery, which means focusing on the tools that will help me lead a full serene life. I definitely falter, and slip into the mode of worrying about my children's lives and decisions more than I should. However, doing a root cause analysis of my son's addiction would waste precious time that I would rather spend on living my life. The last thing I need for my own serenity is to wallow more deeply than I already do into the chaos of his problems.
Thank you for sharing.
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Originally Posted by Sunshine2
MrsDragon, I have gone to a lot of therapy sessions in my life and without a doubt they all helped somewhat. The best of them all was hypnotherapy that took me back to the womb and then the rest of my life. I absolutely see the purpose of looking at the motivators behind certain behaviours.
In the end, though, I realised that for every root cause I got resolved, another one reared its head. A bit like a seeing the ice cap above the sea and not realising the mountain that lies beneath the surface. I came to the conclusion that resolving every issue I have is impossible.
This is only my believe and I don't expect you to share it I find acceptance a more useful tool. Accepting that my son makes his own choices and has his own life to live and that I should stay out of his business. Accepting that drug addiction has become so big in the world. Accepting that my beautiful child will not become what I dreamed for him, but what he wants for himself. Accepting that a perfect world exists nowhere but in my dreams. Accepting that life is never going to be perfect, but that I can still live a happy, joyful life.
Your statements sometimes feel as if it is accusatory, as if I don't care for my son as much as you do for yours. It sometimes feel as if you are negating my whole experience and the wisdom I feel I earned the hard way and it makes me react sharper than I mean to. I do see that it is my problem and not yours. Maybe it speaks to some residual left-over guilt in me...
In the end, though, I realised that for every root cause I got resolved, another one reared its head. A bit like a seeing the ice cap above the sea and not realising the mountain that lies beneath the surface. I came to the conclusion that resolving every issue I have is impossible.
This is only my believe and I don't expect you to share it
I find acceptance a more useful tool. Accepting that my son makes his own choices and has his own life to live and that I should stay out of his business. Accepting that drug addiction has become so big in the world. Accepting that my beautiful child will not become what I dreamed for him, but what he wants for himself. Accepting that a perfect world exists nowhere but in my dreams. Accepting that life is never going to be perfect, but that I can still live a happy, joyful life.Your statements sometimes feel as if it is accusatory, as if I don't care for my son as much as you do for yours. It sometimes feel as if you are negating my whole experience and the wisdom I feel I earned the hard way and it makes me react sharper than I mean to. I do see that it is my problem and not yours
. Maybe it speaks to some residual left-over guilt in me...Member
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Originally Posted by MrsDragon
Actually based on what you have said, I think you did do a root cause analysis, and I think you have been able to find the answer you needed; which in turn has brought peace to you & allowed you to move forward.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing.
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Originally Posted by SundaysChild
I did not do a "root cause analysis." Any peace I have is the result of doing the hard work of AlAnon to try to turn my focus onto me and my issues and away from the addict.
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I've spent a lot of my life trying to figure out the cause of my mom's addiction/mental illness, and have never came to a cause. It didn't help that her parents always bailed her out, fixed her problems, gave her money, denied what was happening, and pretended everything was fine. Maybe if they had ever made her face the consequences of her actions, it would have helped. Otherwise, her parents are good people. I think she wanted to have fun and liked the feeling of drugs. She spent a while lot of time on drugs in the 60's, and just never stopped. It has been downhill from there.
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Ive spent some time wondering about this with my husband also. The question doesnt bother me, and I actually think finding the root cause is really important. I dont see how anyone can get proper treatment for their addiction issues, if there is a true underlying cause (mental or emotional) and its not addressed. But that is just me.
My husband started using pain pills after an injury and surgery. They were prescribed and he took them fine for a while as ordered. It seemed like his problem with abusing the meds came when the doctor started trying to wean him down, and he couldnt accept that. Said it hurt too much . And then he got hooked up by some guys at his office, and once he had a source that seemed to get it all rolling.
But as to why he did that? We have talked about it. I dont take any responsibility for it. He also has no genetic disposition to it, never was abused, or suffered trauma. The only thing about his personality that we have identified; and its not really a negative, is that he has always been very focused, and very determined, a type A personality. Its served him well for school and work, and even in family. But he thinks the stress of the injury, and there was a lot of frustration during the whole process, coupled with the real pain, and then this sweet relief through the meds : feelings of relaxation and no worries when he was on them. Like you said earlier, a form of escapism and beyond that maybe his inability to kick back, relax, deal with stress.
But he is now 5 months clean and made lots of changes, and one of them has been stress management. I hope we are on the right track; I think so.
My husband started using pain pills after an injury and surgery. They were prescribed and he took them fine for a while as ordered. It seemed like his problem with abusing the meds came when the doctor started trying to wean him down, and he couldnt accept that. Said it hurt too much . And then he got hooked up by some guys at his office, and once he had a source that seemed to get it all rolling.
But as to why he did that? We have talked about it. I dont take any responsibility for it. He also has no genetic disposition to it, never was abused, or suffered trauma. The only thing about his personality that we have identified; and its not really a negative, is that he has always been very focused, and very determined, a type A personality. Its served him well for school and work, and even in family. But he thinks the stress of the injury, and there was a lot of frustration during the whole process, coupled with the real pain, and then this sweet relief through the meds : feelings of relaxation and no worries when he was on them. Like you said earlier, a form of escapism and beyond that maybe his inability to kick back, relax, deal with stress.
But he is now 5 months clean and made lots of changes, and one of them has been stress management. I hope we are on the right track; I think so.
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i dont think anyone is saying that it isnt important to find the cause to the addiction (even though sometimes its as simple as...it feels awesome, or because i wanted to), but what i think most people are saying that the only person who will really know, and the only person that it matters to is the person who is the addict. anyone else it is just a pointless exercise and it services no purpose for them to try and work it out, as its only so they can try and feel they have some control over it. which from what i have learnt, we have no control.
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Originally Posted by Jody675
i dont think anyone is saying that it isnt important to find the cause to the addiction (even though sometimes its as simple as...it feels awesome, or because i wanted to), but what i think most people are saying that the only person who will really know, and the only person that it matters to is the person who is the addict. anyone else it is just a pointless exercise and it services no purpose for them to try and work it out, as its only so they can try and feel they have some control over it. which from what i have learnt, we have no control.
And I think the OP made it clear its not about placing blame for the other persons addiction, and its not even about fixing the other persons addiction; its about the parent resolving their feelings of responsibility in regards to their parenting abilities, in order to move forward.
My husband and I have talked about his root cause. It was not a big deal to talk about it, didnt take years, and it isnt something I obsess over or think I need to control. Not at all.
But talking about what he thinks it might have been; that does help us as parents make better choices for raising our son. To me, that is really important.
And if I was a parent in this situation, then I can see where I would want to see if there was a root cause that was traced back to their childhood. Because then I would want to accept that responsibility. And if I felt I had failed in some aspect of parenting; then I would have to accept that, and I would have to deal with it. That would be MY problem to overcome. Parenting is an huge responsibility.
Personally, I think looking at root cause for a parent is a healthy thing to do, and also I think it’s a brave thing to do.
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My sister is the drug addict in my family, and recently I have also pondered why did she turn out that way she is. In my case the experience has not been very positive.
I used to think that my sister's problem was all her fault. She chose to use. She chose not to stop. And I blamed her 100% that I had to grow up fast and take care of my brother. My mother was too busy and depressed to deal with us. And I blamed her that my father would never want to be home.
The only positive shred of looking back for root cause would be that I no longer blame my sister for killing my childhood and stealing my parents. But the bad is that it is now crystal clear that my parents raised us dysfunctionally in a very toxic environment. My sister's problems were used as a shield against what was really going on, even before she started using drugs. Typical dysfunctional family. She was the Scapegoat. I was the Good Child, my brother the Lost Child.
And now I realize that searching for root cause is self defeating. I wanted to understand my sister's problem. I made progress in understanding, and now I have a problem with my family. I can see that I have learned destructive behaviors from them and now I have a problem with me.
It's like a big snake whose head you cut off, and then three more heads grow back. If you want to go there, use it only to help shed light on your own behaviors. It is a total waste of energy otherwise.
I used to think that my sister's problem was all her fault. She chose to use. She chose not to stop. And I blamed her 100% that I had to grow up fast and take care of my brother. My mother was too busy and depressed to deal with us. And I blamed her that my father would never want to be home.
The only positive shred of looking back for root cause would be that I no longer blame my sister for killing my childhood and stealing my parents. But the bad is that it is now crystal clear that my parents raised us dysfunctionally in a very toxic environment. My sister's problems were used as a shield against what was really going on, even before she started using drugs. Typical dysfunctional family. She was the Scapegoat. I was the Good Child, my brother the Lost Child.
And now I realize that searching for root cause is self defeating. I wanted to understand my sister's problem. I made progress in understanding, and now I have a problem with my family. I can see that I have learned destructive behaviors from them and now I have a problem with me.
It's like a big snake whose head you cut off, and then three more heads grow back. If you want to go there, use it only to help shed light on your own behaviors. It is a total waste of energy otherwise.
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allforcnm, im not telling you that what youre doing is wrong. if you find it useful to do this exercise, and you are getting something positive out of it great, but my point is, that unless the information is coming straight from the source then you are only guessing what the root problem is, and you might be right off line about it.
i know i would go mad if i tried to understand the choices my kids make, and whether i had any influence in those decisions, and if i did, what it was that i did that did influence it, and how far back to do i go to find the source of that influence. and if i did manage to find it, should i then go back in my own life to find the source as to why i did that in the first place in order to understand myself better and change it. only to find out that i was not even close to the actual reason for why my kids do what they do.
if you want to know what the root cause is (if there is one) then ask. if they dont know, then all the soul searching in the world isn't going to give you any definite answers. but i do understand the need to want to be doing something pro active to help them. i hope you find some answers, that will help you understand this terrible disease, and that your son can find his way home.
i know i would go mad if i tried to understand the choices my kids make, and whether i had any influence in those decisions, and if i did, what it was that i did that did influence it, and how far back to do i go to find the source of that influence. and if i did manage to find it, should i then go back in my own life to find the source as to why i did that in the first place in order to understand myself better and change it. only to find out that i was not even close to the actual reason for why my kids do what they do.
if you want to know what the root cause is (if there is one) then ask. if they dont know, then all the soul searching in the world isn't going to give you any definite answers. but i do understand the need to want to be doing something pro active to help them. i hope you find some answers, that will help you understand this terrible disease, and that your son can find his way home.
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Without doing a root cause analysis I sometimes feel that my Ex's childhood was so bad
that he couldn't have been a non addicted person.
Between hearing his dad beat his mom, his dad abandoning him and his brother to an alcoholic mom, his mom drinking herself to death before he was 18, his neighbour as a kid (a doctor) having an unlocked medicine cabinet , learning difficulties and the shame of it....so much fear and pain and never anybody to trust/rely on? Not feeling loved or important...
Maybe that sounds like blame. I don't know. Both of his parents are long gone.
However it came to be he is the only one who can work on fixing it.
that he couldn't have been a non addicted person.
Between hearing his dad beat his mom, his dad abandoning him and his brother to an alcoholic mom, his mom drinking herself to death before he was 18, his neighbour as a kid (a doctor) having an unlocked medicine cabinet , learning difficulties and the shame of it....so much fear and pain and never anybody to trust/rely on? Not feeling loved or important...
Maybe that sounds like blame. I don't know. Both of his parents are long gone.
However it came to be he is the only one who can work on fixing it.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
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Originally Posted by seek
I think it's a fallacy that there is a "gene."
Some of the oldest cutures seem to have more resiliance towards alcoholism, or perhaps it is simply moderation, given alcohol has been a part of their culture for centuries. Others, not so much.
Addiction is a global epidemic. The only cultures that have not been significantly impacted or have mitigated it seem to be those who have near zero tolerence for it.
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