Bigham850

Well folks, this is it. Im sitting here this morning thinking about the final week before she comes home. I was able to attend a Nar-Anon meeting and spend a 45 minute visit with my AGF. We have both grown from the past few weeks and I only pray that she works her steps and is able to continue to right the ship. I know I have made changes and have focused on my recovery as well.

I don't know what it is, but today I find myself in the middle of one of my most difficult days emotionally. It certainly isn't for lack of support. It seems like no matter what I do, what I see, what I hear she is on my mind. I guess it is the fear of the unknown. The staff at her treatment center said she is doing great and working her program perfectly. She looks great, she is thinking clearly, but most importantly she says she is committed to staying clean. I am working my program as best I can today and focusing on the 3 C's. For the first time in my life I am leaving it in the hands of my HP. Thanks for letting me share.....

lesliej

bigham,

I feel for you, the anticipatory anxiety is kind of palpable in your post.

a couple of notes for you...please remember to stay on your side of the street, for us codependents boundaries are a HUGE issue, we often get our nose all up in the other persons business. to be honest...in your short post it sounds like you are obsessing and hovering. and the word "perfect" does NOT belong anywhere remotely near ANYONE trying to work a program...whether that be an addict or a codependent.

please try to really practice keeping YOUR focus on YOU
your addiction is showing
with all due respect
and wishes for recovery

GardenMama

Just let yourself feel your feelings, especially if you are able to be alone. Do something you love to do, take a ride, a walk. One thing I am learning is how to really take just one day, one hour, one moment at a time. It truly keeps us in the present and aware of what we really have control over. That said, I know that many of the emotions that have come up for me have to do with the trauma of my daughter's life these past few years. I try to just let it move through me, whatever feeling it is.


No doubt there will be struggles, but isn't it great right now that you can see her clearly, see her work?

Good for you going to NarAnon and working your own recovery! Thanks for sharing. I suspect the week will fly by!

Bigham850

You are right Leslie, she is my addiction. I am trying my best to find my way, my own path. I am still new to this program and I know I cant undue 2 years of my addiction to her and my codependency overnight. Believe it or not, I have made progress. My first step was financially supporting her, I am building off of that. I stopped paying her bills and it was hard to do that.

lesliej

bigham, it's so great that you have that awareness!! I will promise you this...that the deeper you go into discovering your own motives and defenses and fears...the more you will discover about your own sensitive loving caring soul

usually at some point we codependents have suffered trauma, and it is in relation to the addict...and our necessity for discovering more about ourselves thru our own recovery that we deepen our own personalities and become more whole

that is why so many people in recovery are so grateful...because the spiritual essence of discovering our truest selves is such a gift of the program
the harder the work, the greater the fear...the better the reward of becoming.

pretty much a spiritual principle! kind of nice to be able to lean on that
the biggest fears are masks and defenses of parts of ourselves yearning to be free

lesliej

peace!

Anaya

Thanks for sharing! That is huge.