need A LOT of advice about addict boyfriend...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
I have been with my AH for 31 years and married for 28 of those years he started using opiates 3 years ago and I do not know who he is anymore. You have 5 or 6 months? invested in this relationship if I calculated right from your post.
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it.
When they say they need "our" help it is to suck us in closer if an addict wants to get clean they can but it is only the addict that can do it.
Have you considered any Nar- anon or Al- anon meetings?
IMO, I see nothing good coming from this relationship but I can see plenty negative.
Your responsibility is to your kids they have no voice.
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it.
When they say they need "our" help it is to suck us in closer if an addict wants to get clean they can but it is only the addict that can do it.
Have you considered any Nar- anon or Al- anon meetings?
IMO, I see nothing good coming from this relationship but I can see plenty negative.
Your responsibility is to your kids they have no voice.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
" I know I have to sit down and talk to him. I just don't know what to say or where to begin."
When you put your children first, the words will flow. This is serious, if you allow him to move in with you, you can lose your children. The US Dept of Health & Family Services has made it clear that they consider children living in a home where addiction is present, a forum of child abuse and that CPS can come in and remove the children from the home.
If CPS doesn't remove the children your ex probably will, the new BF's addiction cannot be swept under the carpet...your ex will find out and if he is a responsible parent he will do everything in his power to get custody of the children.
Is this addict really worth losing your children over? Only you know the answer to that question.
I am not saying this to scare you, it is just the realty of what can happen.
When you put your children first, the words will flow. This is serious, if you allow him to move in with you, you can lose your children. The US Dept of Health & Family Services has made it clear that they consider children living in a home where addiction is present, a forum of child abuse and that CPS can come in and remove the children from the home.
If CPS doesn't remove the children your ex probably will, the new BF's addiction cannot be swept under the carpet...your ex will find out and if he is a responsible parent he will do everything in his power to get custody of the children.
Is this addict really worth losing your children over? Only you know the answer to that question.
I am not saying this to scare you, it is just the realty of what can happen.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: TriState area
Posts: 60
Cathy- Run, run as far away from this man as possible!
This may not be what you really want to hear, but you will be so much better off. I have been with my AH for almost 7 yrs (dating/married) and it has been horrible. So many dissappointments, so much heart break, so much emotional pain for me. I cant even tell you all the crap that has happened in my relationship. All I can tell you is to forget him! Seriously! Take your time to concentrate on you and your kids. The fact that you are considering letting him move in is so bad for you/kids.
Think of it this way, you haven't told your Ex that your current BF is an addict, so right there you are hiding something and covering up for this man even though you know its wrong&if your Ex found out he'd take the kids away. Now imagine hiding/covering/lying to everyone you know a million times over, imagine the worst heartache youve ever felt, imagine your/your kids priced possesion stolen & sold, imagine rummaging around your house searching for drugs daily, imagine $ missing, imagine being lied to daily, being put 2nd to a drug, not being emotionally supported,imagine your man dissappearing for hours on end,imagine not being about to buy food or pay bills bc your $ has been stolen, imagine trying to hide everything you care about that could be sold for even as little as $5, imagine feeling as though you are a crazy person, imagine your kids resenting you for being way to involved in his recovery/addiction, or your kids being scared/upset/hurt/ angry (any emotion esides happy, bc they def wontbe happy with an addict in the pic) etc
Get the picture!? This is only some of what a day loving/living with an addict is like. Please RUN!
This may not be what you really want to hear, but you will be so much better off. I have been with my AH for almost 7 yrs (dating/married) and it has been horrible. So many dissappointments, so much heart break, so much emotional pain for me. I cant even tell you all the crap that has happened in my relationship. All I can tell you is to forget him! Seriously! Take your time to concentrate on you and your kids. The fact that you are considering letting him move in is so bad for you/kids.
Think of it this way, you haven't told your Ex that your current BF is an addict, so right there you are hiding something and covering up for this man even though you know its wrong&if your Ex found out he'd take the kids away. Now imagine hiding/covering/lying to everyone you know a million times over, imagine the worst heartache youve ever felt, imagine your/your kids priced possesion stolen & sold, imagine rummaging around your house searching for drugs daily, imagine $ missing, imagine being lied to daily, being put 2nd to a drug, not being emotionally supported,imagine your man dissappearing for hours on end,imagine not being about to buy food or pay bills bc your $ has been stolen, imagine trying to hide everything you care about that could be sold for even as little as $5, imagine feeling as though you are a crazy person, imagine your kids resenting you for being way to involved in his recovery/addiction, or your kids being scared/upset/hurt/ angry (any emotion esides happy, bc they def wontbe happy with an addict in the pic) etc
Get the picture!? This is only some of what a day loving/living with an addict is like. Please RUN!
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