Redapples

My boyfriend is off coke for approx 6 weeks now. Which is good for him, I'm proud of him. He doesn't talk about it anymore like it never happened. Now this is what P***es me off.

I went through a year and a half of him not being able to have sex because of the cocaine in his system or because he was going through withdrawals neither of which I knew anything about. Now you maybe thinking how come she did not know??? Well we do not live together and we see each other once or twice a week. It use to be more until he started doing cocaine and he cut back the time. Also, his son is an issue. My thoughts are during this time we would try to have sex and he couldn't, his body would not respond. So of course it has got to be me! He told me it wasn't.

Now knowing after all this time it wasn't me I am so ticked off. I mean I am sooooooo angry at him and myself for being such a dummy. I could knock his block off. I was at his house last night just laying there asking myself do I want him to touch me? Do I trust him that he really cares for me? Is he just using me? I had to get up and drive home I couldn't be there. I don't believe anything he says. He gets angry because I left. When I am like this it's hard for me to talk. Also I quit smoking cold turkey and today is day 12!! Anyway back to what I am saying.

Is there anyone out there who has went through this and managed to get your love life back and how did you do it???? How do you get past the sh** you were put through and manage to salvage your relationship???

Ann

Drugs often affect the ability to have sex, and in recovery it becomes a medical issue so seeing a doctor may help.

Most sex begins in the mind, and being angry and tense won't help either one of you.

It may take time...and patience. It may take some strong recovery work on both parts. Are you willing to do this? Have either of you ever been to any meetings? They talk about this at meetings a lot and how to get past the anger and begin living a life of happiness again...whether you choose to stay or go.

6 weeks is a short time to be off drugs, and without a program or plan of recovery it is risky business just trying to maintain sobriety.

I don't have any good answers for you, or the ones you may want to hear. But maybe give some serious thought to how you are living your life now, and what you want for your life 5 years from now. And take a read around, it may help you see what you may be about to experience.

Hugs

lesliej

not being able to have sex for a year and a half? I would have never made it that long...especially with someone so uncommitted as to not living together, seeing each other sporadically, etc. was this enough for you? is there a situation (outside of unknown drug use) that made such a long term, low expectation relationship okay?

not being able to have sex, and then not "explaining" the "reason" to you comes as absolutely no surprise. if he had explained that he couldn't fulfill his relationship intimacy/physical role with you because he was doing cocaine...would that seem okay? it comes as no surprise that he was lying/deceiving/hiding his drug use...that is what addicts do, they protect their drug at the expense of those around them

if he was using for a year and a half...I am guessing he was using even longer
if he has been "off" cocaine for six weeks...that is almost nothing...he is a total beginner
is he in a program of recovery?

if you are in a relationship that is seeing one another once a week...and there hasn't been any sex for a year and a half, and now you are really angry at him...
why not start over with someone where there won't be all this damage...

sounds exhausting, irritating, unfulfilling, self-esteem eroding, resentment fostering...etc etc etc.

ick!

outtolunch

Without trust there is nothing.