Nickidt1

Spoke to my husband yesterday, I asked what his plan was when he gets out. He said he felt good and was 2 1/2 months clean, I said do you think you need treatment when you get out. He said it wouldnt hurt but he felt good he said "Im done with that sh*t, now when people talk about it I just think of the bad, before I used to think ooohhh blues, I dont anymore" I told him it was fine for now but he needs an active program. I know some of you will think much of this is jail talk but, he can't get out he knows that. He does not have bail, he is serving the time he needs to so his words arent coming from tell her what she wants to hear so she will get me out, he has no bail of the vop and knows I wouldnt help even if I could, I will not send him commicary and he does not push that he asked once and has let it go. Do yall think he has reached the point of being done? I know dumb question but I just have debated to try one more round or give up while he is gone. He is making the effort to stay clean and wanting help, he was clean 2 months before he was locked up. Oh yeah and I had told him I have not desided whether I want to press charges for the stolen items, I told him it was the 4th time possesions were taken and thats not counting money and nothing has happened. His reply was "I understand if you do and I dont blame you but just keep in mind I will go to prison if you do but its your choice I deserve it" Any thoughts

laurie6781

It is still 'jail talk' for when he gets out. Very few if any 'see the' light when for a short term like your AH is.

See what his actions are (without him moving back into your home) for at least a year after he gets out. His actions not his words.

See if he finds a program, there are many, that will help him learn how to live sober, see if he tries to find a Sober LIving House to live in or if he is 'couch surfing' or 'living on the streets', his actions not his words.

Also, he may say he knows what the percussion will be if you report the theft, but there again I think it is quacking. When he says:

"I understand if you do and I dont blame you but just keep in mind I will go to prison if you do but its your choice I deserve it"

SAgain that is 'manipulating quacking with a 'guilt trip' thrown in. As if you will be putting away for a longer period of time, when in fact it is HIS ACTIONS that will send him to prison.

He is still quascking and manipulating you. Look how your thoughts are getting twisted after you talk with him. Nope nope nope, instead of a grain of salt, take every thing he is saying with a salt shaker full of salt.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Nickidt1

Not that I am trying to disagree with what your telling me but, I do not think anything has changed for me after talking to him. I still will not take any steps to get hime out any sooner. I could shave off the actual DWLS charge, I choose not to. I believe the longer he is in there the better off he will be. I do not see any reason he would lie to me at this point, what does he have to gain? He did not go away because of drugs, this is seperate. When he went in he was 2 months clean, I am now bringing up to him that things need to change, he believes they have so far and that he did not get a chance to do anything else. That I do not agree, I just do not see a reason to give me lines. Maybe I am wrong but what would he be trying to prove? I have not said, now that you are here and drugs are not a factor you cannot come home? that would not make sense to me. I just do not want things to go down the same path and because of my son I believe that ground rules should be made or his stay at home will have to be short lived.

Nickidt1

I know that the treatments in the jail he is in now have shown to be extremly successful, I have been lecturing him the couple of times I have spoken to him so I am not sure if he is partaking in them but they have huge success rates. I think that will have to be my next question to him the next time he calls.

EnglishGarden

Nicki,
Even if he never uses again (and I believe the chances of that are very low, as he has not experienced a rock bottom, from the information you've given us).....but even if he never uses again, his mind will be--medically and organically--still in dysfunction for at minimum one year and up to three years.

He will not be safe for your son during early sobriety.

No matter your opinions about what he is saying or doing or the motivations behind what he says or does, please just make your choices based on the medical facts of early recovery from addiction, and live separately from him for a minimum of one year.

If he moves back in, he will be extremely volatile emotionally and his ability to make good choices and to process things rationally will still be damaged. Your child needs to be protected from an unstable man with a lot of power living in the home.

Do you have a 12 step group to go to for yourself? Or a counselor you can call?

We are here to support you with feedback. Be careful, Nicki.