Views on Breaking off Contact
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tacoma WA
Posts: 109
A fascinating thread. I also see no suggestions for no contact in your original post, MrsDragon.
I can add nothing further to the definition of no contact as outlined by our wise elder Mamas.
However, in my case I keep the contact one way-coming from my AS. For example, my 27 yo AS goes months without contacting anyone in the family (and this includes, to my deep sorrow, his estranged wife and 3 1/2 yr old gorgeous daughter). Once in a while he will surface with a phone call or an email.
I have developed (slowly) my boundaries regarding contact with him:
1. I will listen to him. I will no longer suggest ANYTHING.
2. I tell him when I am finished listening if the conversation becomes rage/rants. I do so politely and calmly.
3. I don't try to rescue any more. This has been THE MOST difficult thing I have ever done in my life.
I have had a major breakthrough in obsessing what he may be up to or whether or not he even has a job/car, etc.
MrsDragon, I will echo our wiser elders. Going into your son's home with him not there is a major boundary issue. If you don't have the strength to give up his key, maybe you have a friend who will take the key away from you and won't give it back even if you beg and plead?
Also, it really sounds like from what you have described that your son is dealing cocaine. I would go nowhere near his property and honestly, I would not let him in my home. I would fear his contacts as well as him.
In compassion,
Peaceandgrace
I can add nothing further to the definition of no contact as outlined by our wise elder Mamas.
However, in my case I keep the contact one way-coming from my AS. For example, my 27 yo AS goes months without contacting anyone in the family (and this includes, to my deep sorrow, his estranged wife and 3 1/2 yr old gorgeous daughter). Once in a while he will surface with a phone call or an email.
I have developed (slowly) my boundaries regarding contact with him:
1. I will listen to him. I will no longer suggest ANYTHING.
2. I tell him when I am finished listening if the conversation becomes rage/rants. I do so politely and calmly.
3. I don't try to rescue any more. This has been THE MOST difficult thing I have ever done in my life.
I have had a major breakthrough in obsessing what he may be up to or whether or not he even has a job/car, etc.
MrsDragon, I will echo our wiser elders. Going into your son's home with him not there is a major boundary issue. If you don't have the strength to give up his key, maybe you have a friend who will take the key away from you and won't give it back even if you beg and plead?
Also, it really sounds like from what you have described that your son is dealing cocaine. I would go nowhere near his property and honestly, I would not let him in my home. I would fear his contacts as well as him.
In compassion,
Peaceandgrace
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
Originally Posted by farfaraway 
I stopped contacting my family and I ended up not speaking to them for over a month. I enjoyed the peace, and it opened my eyes to what an effort I made to keep our phony relationship going, and how much it cost me emotionally. But recently my mother contacted me and I spoke to her. I am glad for this post because I am also confused about the distinctions between no contact and detachment. I realize now that absolutely no contact with my family is not really possible at this time.
One big reason is my great aunt is 90 years old. We are very close, and I've decided to visit her over Thanksgiving, because who knows how long she'll be around. By then my addict sister's baby will be born, and I already dread the whole thing. I don't want to see her at all. She was banned from Thanksgiving last year because my mother was afraid she'd steal from my relatives, but now because of the baby no one remembers that.
I have to get up to speed on detachment behaviors before this visit otherwise it's going to be pretty bad. Thank you MrsDragon for starting this dialogue
One big reason is my great aunt is 90 years old. We are very close, and I've decided to visit her over Thanksgiving, because who knows how long she'll be around. By then my addict sister's baby will be born, and I already dread the whole thing. I don't want to see her at all. She was banned from Thanksgiving last year because my mother was afraid she'd steal from my relatives, but now because of the baby no one remembers that.
I have to get up to speed on detachment behaviors before this visit otherwise it's going to be pretty bad. Thank you MrsDragon for starting this dialogue
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Caucasian;West Coast; Husband sometimes breathes fire; hence his nickname Dragon & mine Mrs. Dragon
Posts: 176
Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts. I asked this question really in a generic way because I wanted to see if my view on the purpose of ‘no contact’ was consistent with many on this forum. It appears that it is.
Being new here, I thought it would be helpful to understand how other people define, or feel about certain things when Im reading their replies or posts.
Being new here, I thought it would be helpful to understand how other people define, or feel about certain things when Im reading their replies or posts.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
