grateful6982

Hello again..if you read my 1st and only other post, you know that I asked my AH to leave and even drove him out of state myself to make sure he got somewhere no drugs would be. I am obviously dumb and let him come home over the weekend. I just want some advice on how to get over the guilt of wanting to end this relationship. I am beyond conflicted due to his ever changing moods. One minute he is so depressed and angry that he messed up his life (lost job, stole from family, the usual addict behavior) and then the next minute he is so happy and grateful towards me for being there. He is so unpredictable. I desperately want my family, but at what cost? We are about to be 2 months behind on rent, so eviction is imminent. I am so angry with him for putting me through this and I am even more angry with myself for always falling for his promises or giving in to his guilt trips. Obviously, I am venting, but I do have some questions... Anyone who has left their AS when there were kids involved, how did you get the courage? What is life like after you leave the mess that addicts cause in your life? How can I stop worrying about how he will survive? He has no where to go, no money, no car, no job. How can I get over the guilt of leaving my husband when he is so obviously in need of help? (I am aware how delusional that thinking is) Ugh...I know no one can make this decision for me. I am just looking for some support. I have been trying really hard to not play the victim anymore but how do you stop thinking like the victim when someone causes so much pain and strife in your life? Thank you all in advance.

outtolunch

[QUOTE=grateful6982;3555499]Hello again..if you read my 1st and only other post, you know that I asked my AH to leave and even drove him out of state myself to make sure he got somewhere no drugs would be.

There is no place in the U.S. without drugs and an addict on a mission can make a connection, anywhere.

How can I stop worrying about how he will survive? He has no where to go, no money, no car, no job. How can I get over the guilt of leaving my husband when he is so obviously in need of help? (QUOTE]

Your husband made his own bed and does not need your help. Your 9 year old twins who are about to be evicted with you, do. Addicts and those new to recovery make lousy parents. Your children are learning how to treat people and allow people to treat them, at home. Children have a tendency to learn they are not worthy of normal, when their parents are unstable.


Put your children's best interests first and the guilt over what you do not control will ease.

gurlie214

I understand exactly where you are, and trust me, no judgment here. I never could leave either. My husband is in recovery, but it is still, and always will be, a daily part of our lives.....at least for now. I so get being conflicted....but I also believe that at this point, ALL that matters is that you and the kids are safe and you are working on yourself. He has to deal with his own stuff...as hard as that may be for you...it's his job, not yours. You have to be selfish for a while as crazy as that sounds. You've wasted enough time worrying about him and his junk! Focus on yur own well-bing now and be proud to do it. I know that doesn't answer your immediate issue about what to do....but I will be praying for you that God shows you the right anwer and it is crystal clear to you so you have no doubts. You are not alone! We are here for you!

LoveMeNow

False and unhealthy guilt is a typical trait for codependents. Working on your codependency issues will help. Also, for codependents - it very easy to confuse pity and love. Perhaps learning the difference will help you identify some of your feelings of guilt.

Durofet

You really must discover his level of committment Does he wish to kick it? I mean REALLY? Is he not even prepared to stop? I am currently supporting my partner in stopping using, but he is committed and we are succeeding. There have been lapses and disappointments and there is a long road to travel, but I say to you - Not interested in stopping - dig two graves, or depart. God bless.