Miller05

i am not even sure what to make of this...i am full of emotions. so of course, i came to sr...to talk....

so, my husband can see his son. i dont have an problem with that. but he cannot take him ANYWHERE. he can see the baby at the house. so, today, he comes over and i see that he is driving a really nice suv...that i know is not his...most likely his enabling family letting him borrow a car. and he arrives here with the POLICE. the officer comes to my door with my husband saying that my husband wants to see the baby and get his mail. he said that he wanted to make sure everything was okay. i told the officer that there was a RO in place, but the exception to the No Contact rule was that he could visit with his son. the officer said okay...and even said to my husband..."i think you are going to be okay." OMG...both males.

they are in the baby's room playing together now...and i am in the kitchen cooking dinner for me and my son.

was this some kind of powerplay? is he trying to show me that he is "scared" i will call the cops on him again?

i cant believe this....i called the cops becasue he came over here and pushed me and i got 5 stitches...now it looks like he is afraid of me or something.

i dont know what to say....i am so upset.

tjp613

Sounds like he accomplished his goal!

katysue22

Addicts have peculiar thought processes and reasoning. I used to do some crazy stuff. There is little to be gained from trying to explain his actions. His objective was probbaly to upset you, so try not to be upset. I know that's easy to say. Treat him like a mentally ill person. I hope you're ok. Keep posting. xx

Miller05

i took a deep breath...and i am OKAY. that is just part of his game to make himself look like the victim in all of this...again not taking any responsibility and blaming me. i get it. i am okay now.

he is trying to be really nice...asking me how i am doing...blah, blah, blah. i have nothing to say to him...just short answers.

what a coward.

good thing i didnt let him see that he got under my skin.

i'm good.

hello-kitty

I've never heard of such a strange R.O. that has such a major and potentially life threatening exception to it - He is allowed to come into your house, unsupervised to visit a child while the two of you are there by yourself?! After he put 5 stitches in your head? What if he gets mad and does it again? Or worse?

I suggest changing it.

He sounds unstable, manipulative and crazy. I wouldn't want him around me. I'd be scared he would snap again.

Miller05

i am not alone...i have my girlfriend here with me.

LoveMeNow

Addicts can really play a good victim role, can't they? (shaking my head)

MrsDragon

I think this could be viewed two ways. You do have a restraining order against him, and the exception is to visit his son. However, from his point of view and probably his attorneys; it would not be very difficult for you to say he crossed the line of visiting with his child in your home, and in some way had contact with you that broke the boundaries of the restraining order. It sounds to me like he is trying to follow the suggestions of his attorney.

Although an awkward situation; I wouldnt take it personally. At least he wanted to see his child, and hopefully the rest of the visit and interaction between you will be uneventful.

Hollyanne

That is one strange RO.
Did the cop stay?

zoso77

Has he ever seen a mental health professional?

Miller05

you know...i am fine...or at least i will be, right? this is just him trying to play the victim and "protect" himself...from me...like a coward. i am sure there is a little bit of what dragon said mixed up in there as well.

also, he has been sending me emails...some angry...and the most recent ones being humbled...telling me he misses me and the baby..."i just dont know how to come home...i lash out at you because i dont know how you feel"...blah, blah, blah. i have ignored all of his communications unless it is regarding the baby.

so maybe this was his way to "get my attention"...get some reaction out of me. he did...but only to my SR friends.

in front of the cop...i was nice as pie! the cop left immediately after my husband came inside. i was pleasant to my husband but barely spoke a word to him. my son and him had a ball playing with the toys and horsey in the living room. i stayed in the kitchen cooking...on SR...and keeping busy.

my son was thrilled...and the rest of the visit went fine. my son was happy so i am good.

my husband tried to talk to me a few times by asking how i have been...again, one word answers.

whatever he tried to accomplish didnt work...at least not in front of him.

visits can only be conducted at the house, and i am never alone. if he violates the RO by doing anything unacceptable, he goes back to jail.

my mom has the baby on mondays and tuesdays only now because of her job. i did have the locks changed immediately.

what a coward.

PaperDolls

Sending you emails doesn't violate the RO?

It sounds weird to me.

hello-kitty

Said from a place of concern for you and your safety and sanity, I just cringe for you. I'm sure you are doing the best you can, but I know, from firsthand experience, that you can't trust an addict or someone who has physically harmed you in the past. Their behavior is unpredicatable and not at all logical. So, if you have an RO, it's important to enforce it and not let anything slide, or it becomes invalid.

Hang in there. As long as you make wise choices, based on what you know to be true, you will be fine and you will get through this. I hope you stay safe and keep posting!

Miller05

thanks so much for the support everyone...this sucks...but like everyone else...we will get through it right?!!

paper...yeah, he can contact me via email about our son. i will make sure i follow the RO to the letter.

zozo - well, he was seeing a therapist....and really needed to...still does.

zoso77

Here's something worth remembering: do not be surprised by anything he does. Just when you think you've seen it all, he'll pull something that'll really mess with your head. Be prepared for that.

I would also examine all your legal options. I don't believe it's in the best interest of your child to have contact with your AH because, frankly, he's unstable. I would document EVERYTHING he does: times, dates, his actions. You're going to be in for a hell of a ride, so be prepared...

Miller05

zoso...thanks for the advice...i have started documenting everything....and also saving all of his email communications.

yeah, i was not prepared for him coming here with the cops...i guess you just never know what an addicts will do.

StillLearning1

Miller,
I don't know where to begin.
This is just my opinion. I don't believe your husband is a coward, I think he is smart, and knows how it works. Is manipulating you, and the police too.
An attorney, who will help you set up, visitation- which should be supervised, by someone other than, you.

No, if he could contact you, by email or phone, he could have told you he was coming with the police. He surprised you on purpose. I am guessing, you have been groomed, not to ever cause a scene..

So.. next time, when he feels like showing up, to see his child, and there is not a policeman around, not a friend to be there with you, what are you going to do?

Also, how much time and attention, did he spend with his child? How much talking to you?

These are not questions for you to answer to me.. just yourself.

LoveMeNow

I am shocked that they weren't already called. When there is DV and children are involved, the police are mandated to call...in my state anyway!!

Faithlove

Do you have an attorney? I'm a DV attorney and this protective order sounds nuts! I've NEVER had a judge order a petitioner, or even allow them, to supervise the respondent's visitation with the child! This whole situation is just asking for trouble!! Also, if my clients have temporary custody and the resp has visitation, he can't just show up on a whim, police or not. If you have an attorney, I hope you speak with them. If you dont, you can private message me and I can help put you in contact with DV attorneys and advocates in your area.

incitingsilence

Protect yourself and your children.
This wasn't some fly by night crazy addict behavior, this was deliberate and a full on intimidation tactic.