Anybody's Husband Cheated?
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 165
Anybody's Husband Cheated?
mine did...and he is also an admitted coke addict. we are separated...he bailed when things got tough...and is living with his brother.
even though we are separaed, and i am doing everything I can to move on with my life, it still just hurts...badly.
it is not..."he is a coke addict, so he cheated." it is..."he is an addict AND a cheater." that is how i see it. i know the drugs and cheating...and all the other destructive behavior goes hand and hand...but it is no excuse.....it still hurts me deeply....why would you CHOOSE this path? how could you CHOOSE this path...and **** someone else? was it worth losing EVERYTHING? are you the ******* man now because you "got that?" are you "somebody now"..."the man?" "the man who has the coke and the bitches?" "are you the man becasue you had a side chick?"
it is crazy...but sometimes i wonder if i am more upset about him cheating than him admitting he is an addict. seriously. really, i feel like this whole thing is a double betrayal...that has rocked me to the core.
what is even more irritating is that i really feel like my codie behavior helped contribute to creating an atmosphere in my marriage that allowed this kind of behavior. i hate that. but i know it is true. not my fault he cheated and chose to become an addict, but that because of my own issues with self esteem, i allowed my husband to behave in unacceptable behaviors that compromised my own personal value systems and integrity....all to "make him happy"...and not "leave me"...or..."want to leave me"...or..."think i am not cool"....or "not want to be married to me anymore"...or take the attitude of..."everyone does that", "he doesnt mean it," "that is just how he was raised...he loves me,"....or "he just doesnt know how to deal with all his problems with shame."
i am so ashamed that i allowed this. i became..."that woman" with her head in the sand.
not anymore though....
i will not allow drugs in my home. i will call the police if anyone ever brings drugs to my home.
i will not allow my child to be around anyone who does drugs
i will not allow my child to be around anyone selling drugs or who associates with people involved in drugs of any kind
i will only be in a relationship with transparency
i will not be with anyone who cheats on me.
i will not be around anyone who is addicted to drugs and not in rehab.
i will not be with anyone who drinks.
i will not be with anyone who does not put our child, me and my family first.
i know i keep saying these boundaries in my posts...but i have to.
even though we are separaed, and i am doing everything I can to move on with my life, it still just hurts...badly.
it is not..."he is a coke addict, so he cheated." it is..."he is an addict AND a cheater." that is how i see it. i know the drugs and cheating...and all the other destructive behavior goes hand and hand...but it is no excuse.....it still hurts me deeply....why would you CHOOSE this path? how could you CHOOSE this path...and **** someone else? was it worth losing EVERYTHING? are you the ******* man now because you "got that?" are you "somebody now"..."the man?" "the man who has the coke and the bitches?" "are you the man becasue you had a side chick?"
it is crazy...but sometimes i wonder if i am more upset about him cheating than him admitting he is an addict. seriously. really, i feel like this whole thing is a double betrayal...that has rocked me to the core.
what is even more irritating is that i really feel like my codie behavior helped contribute to creating an atmosphere in my marriage that allowed this kind of behavior. i hate that. but i know it is true. not my fault he cheated and chose to become an addict, but that because of my own issues with self esteem, i allowed my husband to behave in unacceptable behaviors that compromised my own personal value systems and integrity....all to "make him happy"...and not "leave me"...or..."want to leave me"...or..."think i am not cool"....or "not want to be married to me anymore"...or take the attitude of..."everyone does that", "he doesnt mean it," "that is just how he was raised...he loves me,"....or "he just doesnt know how to deal with all his problems with shame."
i am so ashamed that i allowed this. i became..."that woman" with her head in the sand.
not anymore though....
i will not allow drugs in my home. i will call the police if anyone ever brings drugs to my home.
i will not allow my child to be around anyone who does drugs
i will not allow my child to be around anyone selling drugs or who associates with people involved in drugs of any kind
i will only be in a relationship with transparency
i will not be with anyone who cheats on me.
i will not be around anyone who is addicted to drugs and not in rehab.
i will not be with anyone who drinks.
i will not be with anyone who does not put our child, me and my family first.
i know i keep saying these boundaries in my posts...but i have to.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by Miller05 
it is crazy...but sometimes i wonder if i am more upset about him cheating than him admitting he is an addict. seriously. really, i feel like this whole thing is a double betrayal...that has rocked me to the core.
Generally speaking cheating demonstrates the character defects of the cheater.
not my fault he cheated and chose to become an addict,
I do not think anyone chooses to become an addict. Most think they can control it, till they can't. Next step is denial.
but that because of my own issues with self esteem, i allowed my husband to behave in unacceptable behaviors ...
Whoa. We do not have the power to control other people's behaviors. We have the power to remove ourselves from situations where chronic unacceptable behaviors are present.
i am so ashamed that i allowed this. i became..."that woman" with her head in the sand.
Shame tends to bind us to the past. Learn and let go of it.i know i keep saying these boundaries in my posts...but i have to.
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