Learningtodeal

Zoso77 warned me this moment was coming and it has arrived. My bf is in rehab for the first time. He's been there all of 4 days and he's already saying what I want to hear. I'm great at being a hard--- when he's doing the wrong thing (or I am now anyway), but now I have to deal with detaching during these times too. I have never seen him this way, thinking clearly, regretful but foreward-thinking, just mentally healthy. For lack of a better word, it's... Intoxicating. I have craved this for so long, but realistically I get that this is his pink cloud and the struggles have just begun. I also get that his recovery is none of my business and I need to detach here too and realize that my health and happiness does not depend on his. I am not a puppet to his emotions. Someone please remind me that I need to focus on me regardless of what happens with him.

BeavsDad

Sounds like you're doing pretty well.

Just beware the Siren's Song.

EnglishGarden

4 days does not change an addict brain.

Words mean nothing.

Just take a deep breath and tell yourself you'll form an opinion about who he is when he has minimum 6 to 9 months' clean.

walktheline1

At day 4 I nearly proposed to my girl friend and moved across the country to live with her in a region of the country that I've said I'd never live in! I told her everything she ever wanted to hear and I truly did mean all of it. Once I fell off the pink cloud reality set back in. We're still together and doing great, but take anything in early recovery with a grain of salt.

Ann

Embrace the good days, lord knows we have enough bad ones, and just let life unfold. It's good to stay grounded in reality, rehab often means a variety of emotions as they continue to work on maintaining their sobriety and learning to face life on life's terms.

This might be a good time to find a program for you that may help you keep your balance in days to come.

Hugs

zoso77

Well, that didn't take long.

EnglishGarden, as she often does, cuts to the chase when she says what she says.

My mistake my first time through was really believing what my AGF was telling me. And that's because I really, really wanted to believe her. The problem was there was no evidence to suggest I could believe her. So, once the pink cloud burst, I was left with the same old her. I was beyond naive.

At the end of the day, my AXGF wanted an enabler. What getting into Al Anon did for me was learning how to NOT do that. Once I recognized my own dysfunctional behavior and stopped doing those things, my AXGF didn't want a boyfriend like that. So she f**ked me over. Which, really, is fine. She gave me a gift because she revealled her true self.

Work on you. Focus on you. Protect you. And whatever he does, he does.

Best,
ZoSo

aggie96

I just joined today and your post is exactly what is going on with me...I've been in a relationship (4 years friendship, 5 months intimate) where she finally has checked herself in to rehab. She has been there exactly 4 days and the difference is amazing...I have been there everyday since for at least 4 hours a day. Is this typical (the complete turnaround in 4 days)?

BeavsDad

Hands off the addict.

It's not your rehab and she needs to focus.

Or not.

Ilovemysonjj

Hello everyone, just weighing in. The pink cloud syndrome is very very common. Please read up on it. It is early abstinence for the addict when for once their brain can be clear and crisp. It is a high in itself for the addict as well as us codies seeing/hearing a new person where the addict was mere days ago. It does go away, and usually it goes when lifes challenges start to appear.
Keep reading here and keep focusing on YOU and let the A experience the good feelings of the pink cloud and the ultimate moment they must acknowledge the reality they are in and how they will cope with their life sober.

MsPINKAcres

at this point of several members of my families recovery is when I learned about basing my decisions on actions, not words or best intentions ~

I learned it was the healthiest thing to do for me ~

PINK HUGS,
Rita

aggie96

So is it recommended that I not be there? She wants be to be there when she's not in her planned sessions. Am I sabotaging the whole process?


Didn't mean to hijack this thread...

Learningtodeal

No prob aggie. Since his short lived moment of bliss, he's now depressed, sleeping every time I call, and the best part... He told me he's discharging "home" (from the hospital detox to a partial hospitalization program while sleeping at OUR home). My Codie brain actually listened to his BS and considered having him here instead of going inpatient, because "maybe this is the best thing for him." After today, I realized that I was a fool once again. The hospital where hes detoxing is incredibly lenient on coming and going, so now Im starting to think that ge probably scored while he was in there and last nights blissful moment was probably a product of that. Now he won't answer my phone calls. Even if that didn't happen, it doesn't matter. He can't come home. He's not ready and won't be for quite a while, if ever. So, now that I'm back to reality...

Learningtodeal

By the way aggie, I personally made the choice to not see him while he's in there because I wanted this to be about him and his recovery. I didn't think it would help either of us for me to be there.

zoso77

Hey...

What about what you want? What about what's best for you? Recovery isn't about OUR recovery. It's about YOUR recovery.

That Y is all the difference in the world.

Stay out of her way, and take the space you need to work on you.

Best,
ZoSo

aggie96

Thanks for the feedback everyone. Very eye opening for me. Honestly, I want to be there to see her through this as her family and friends have pretty much written her off. I know I sound like a co-dependent, but after 2 years of relationship therapy (I'm divorced) I've been told I'm not exactly the type. But then again, I've never been in a relationship with an alcoholic until this one. This is truly a learning experience each day for me, and thankful there is a community that I can learn from.

Pock89

Learningtodeal--

Does it matter whether or not he scored? In the big picture, the situation (whether he used drugs or not) is making you uncomfortable. And that's what needs to be addressed. He's an addict. I'm not saying that he will definitely pick up again, or he will definitely stay clean. I'm just saying that when dealing with an addict, the chance of relapse is always present. So set your boundaries, and decide how you want to deal with the situation. You've decided to not allow him back into your home. Stick to that decision.

As a rule of thumb, if a situation is making you uncomfortable, you need to address WHY it is that you feel this way...Chances are, something is going on to make you feel uneasy. Don't dismiss these feelings/thoughts.

Chin up. You will get stronger with the help of people on this board. We'll all been in your shoes.
XO

Freedom1990

I shake my head when I hear about people in rehab calling in the first few days.

Guess it's a different day and age, and I'm not so sure it's for the better either.

The rehab I went to was one wing of the small local hospital here. The rooms were still set up with hospital beds, no tv, no radios, no telephones. You got a small metal closet to keep your clothes in and that was it.

We were allowed no contact with anyone outside the rehab for the first two weeks, including family members.

There was a damned good reason for that, and the longer I read here over the years, my gratitude increases for the no-frills rehab that was directed by a long-term recovering alcoholic (with the required education of course).

He knew what it was going to take to give folks the best running start on recovery during that that 30 days, and that included no distractions from the task at hand.

There was also a ban on family/friends sending "care packages" to the patients, nice little amenities like cigarettes, money, extra clothing, etc. We had our basic needs met during rehab. Some of us only had the clothes on our backs when we were admitted. Housekeeping did our laundry every day, and I certainly didn't die from wearing the same clothes day after day.

Every time you take his calls, learningtodeal, especially in the critical early days, he is distracting himself from the work he needs to do in order to maintain recovery once he is out of rehab.

If it's a rehab worth its weight in salt, he has all the support he needs right now where he is at.

There is no doubt in my mind that my experience with the rehab I was in was a gift that gave me the basic tools to maintain recovery, and is one of several resources that have contributed to my now 22 years in continuous recovery.

Sending you hugs of support, dear!