Need some advice please!!

Old 09-01-2012, 07:20 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Time. Prayer. Meditation. Acceptance. And letting go.

All of the things you are learning in your own recovery can be applied to all aspects of your life.

Things don't always happen in the time frame we want or expect. Just because she's angry today doesn't mean that she will hold on to that anger for a lifetime. Time always reveals more. Patience.

Your consistent and loving interaction with her will mean a lot. Your husband's continued sobriety will be important. It may take another month or two for her to begin to trust him again. It may take another year or two.......but she gets to determine that.......not you.....not him. But how you (and he) act and react now may impact that time frame. We can't want something for anyone more than they want it for themselves......it just doesn't work that way. In my experience, the more I've wanted something for someone, the less they seem to want it for themselves.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 09-01-2012, 09:09 AM
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNot View Post

I am doing my best to stay out of it - telling myself "it's his problem to fix and it's their relationship" but I don't want her to cut off her nose to spite her face either.

Addiction has done enough damage. I want healing, forgiveness, and love!!

Any advice welcomed.
So very common for children of alcoholics/addicts to grow up feeling that they were not worthy of normal. Your husband can't fix her anymore than she could fix her bio parents or you or anyone else, for that matter.

Her reactions to her bio parents' addictions are understandable and her's to own and resolve, if and when she wants to do so.

The transition from minor to adulthood is tough on most parents.
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Old 09-01-2012, 10:00 AM
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Originally Posted by outtolunch View Post
The transition from minor to adulthood is tough on most parents.
Indeed. Agree!
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Old 09-01-2012, 12:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Anaya View Post
Indeed. Agree!

I never thought it would be so hard, lol. The good thing is - she wanted her independence as I was starting Alanon and joined SR. Both made it a lot easier.
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Old 09-02-2012, 06:17 AM
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNot View Post
I never thought it would be so hard, lol. The good thing is - she wanted her independence as I was starting Alanon and joined SR. Both made it a lot easier.
I'm imagine it's comforting and reassuring to have support and resources available during this transition; smart mom, you are, for seeking those.

I remember that when in high school, my daughter was rather embarrassed to have me around and just about barely "tolerated me"; a couple of years down the road, once well into college and life on her own, she was seeking out mom, wanting to chat and get together. It was a pleasant turn of events and I am thankful.
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