He's in rehab... First time ever
 

Where do I start? My boyfriend of 7 years is an opiate addict and I am a codependent. We have a 3 year old daughter who is AMAZING. Even if she weren't my daughter, I'd say that. ;)
I've posted before so I'll keep this brief: he became addicted to opiates, then switched to illegally purchased subutex in large quantities in his half-hearted attempt to get sober, then saw a psychiatrist for suboxone, tried half a dozen times to get clean on his own, and eventually (the last few weeks) went back to snorting oxy and eventually shooting it.
Where have I been in this? I would not allow him to drive my daughter or be with her without supervision. I started this rule back when I thought he was just on subutex. When I learned he was back on oxy, I kicked him out. I told him my boundaries included not allowing an actively using addict in the home.
Where did I go wrong? Oh, where do I start... I would perceive his promises of "weaning" or "detoxing" as a way to let him back in the house. I said to myself "he's not violating my boundaries if he's getting clean and he NEEDS my support to get there. He cannot do this alone!!" Oh what a fool I've been. He would get comfy for a few days, bring on the lies, then I'd find out what I didn't want to know.
Where am I now? I kicked him out. Told him I was done and come back when you've been sober for a while. He slept in his car bc he didn't want to involve his family, threatened suicide, begged to come home. I stayed strong and told him again what he needed to do.
Now.... He's in rehab for the first time in his life. He got fired after asking for a leave of absence and his whole family now knows the truth. I'm trying to find myself and I'm keeping it going for my daughter but I just feel like losing my mind. I dont have the child care needed for Naranon so I'm posting here and doing what I can to pick up the pieces of my life.

You sound like you are doing A LOT of the right things now. Don't beat yourself up for the mistakes you have made, many of us have made the same and were much slower learners.

Keep reading, keep posting! It does help!!

Be prepared for the "I've seen the light" phone call or discussion. Because it's coming, and it's easy to fall for when you love an addict.

On the other hand, your boundaries are a lot firmer than mine were when I went through this the first time.

He's got his work cut out for him. So do you. I would encourage you to keep the focus on you, and to take the space that you need so that you, too, can become stronger and healthier.

Best,
ZoSo

my boyfriend is also addicted to opiates. and i also just realized that i am 100% codependent. my boyfriend is in pain management and so as we repeatedly go through him running prescriptions out, being dope sick, being sick from being back on opiates, getting pills from who knows where to avoid withdrawal, i am told that he NEEDS the pills and can't just STOP. what would he do about his pain?? so the opiates are like an unwelcome guest in my relationship that never leaves. because of all the lies/betrayals/broken promises, i've tried to make the analogy that it's as if he cheated on me and continues to hang out with the girl everyday. of course, he says this is not the same at all. maybe it isn't. but that's how it FEELS.

i hope your boyfriend is able to get the help he needs...and be active in recovering. the jury is still out on my situation. i'm still learning boundaries and i still can't help holding on to some kind of hope that things can get better. i wish you the best...

I admire you for setting boundaries and really sticking to them recently. My boyfriend's addicted to heroin. He's only been using for a little over a year. He's in rehab for the first time right now. I'm about 23 weeks pregnant right now. He's been there for almost 60 days and will be coming home soon. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I'm also hoping that maybe this time will be enough. I know that I will have to set boundaries and really stick to them, just like you do for the sake of you and your child. I hope I can be that strong if I have to. Just thinking about it is difficult. I'm sorry I don't have anything very useful to say - I'm so new to all of this stuff. I just think you sound like you're doing a great job and I hope things work out for your family eventually.

Naranon has online meetings if you are unable to attend face to face meetings.

Thanks to everyone for your kind replies. Please believe me when I tell you that these boundaries came after A LOT of mistakes. I'm still struggling with getting to the place I need to be in my head and continue to make mistakes. But, I do know that he would not have gone to rehab if it were not for me standing my ground. What he does while he's there is his choice. I'm still struggling with detaching and spend most of my time dealing with the anxiety of knowing that this may not be the solution for him to ultimately be clean. He doesn't sound invested in this change (he says hes resolved to stay clean, but still feels hes smarter than anyone in there including the docs and counselors) when I talk to him and he hasn't had any "I've seen the light" moments yet. I almost wish he had! But, I know I need to detach and not let my life and my daughter's life revolve around his recovery or lack thereof. He's been the central focus of this family for far too long. But, wow is that a hard lesson to learn!

Mstrust.... I have used the same cheating analogy many times myself! That is exactly what it feels like and my bf doesn't get it either.

That made me smile. I've used the cheating analogy with my XABF as well while trying to explain that I was not ok with him talking to his old drug dealers (well, obviously they were not OLD drug dealers since he had relapsed).

Brings back memories of the days I use to tell my AH that his pot was his mistress I needed a reminder of that thanks.