SeekingGrowth

Tjp, my heart goes out to you. I can so relate to your statement that while your son may be 22 in body, he is 15 and a child in mind and spirit. And as a child, he has to deal with the wreckage that his addiction has caused, and with the frightening reality of withdrawal and depression in prison. It is so difficult for a mom to witness her son going through this. You show such strength and wisdom in refraining from swooping in to the rescue, and by taking it slowly and gathering information and advice from many different sources before making a deliberate decision about what to do. I agree with those who have said that you need to do what is right for you in this circumstance, based on all the information you gather. I don't think any of us can really say what is the right choice, as we could never have all the relevant information. I'm saying a prayer for you and your family, asking that your HP will give you guidance in making these decisions, and that your son is finally, truly ready for recovery.

GardenMama

My heart goes out to you, too, TJP. I think you have come to a wise decision and you are also giving yourself time for things to settle in your heart and for him to get some answers on his own and in his own time. We all know how hard this is, and I hope that is some comfort to you. You have been a great comfort to me and many others, I know!

It's cool and rainy here today. I'll make you a cup of tea and whip up some cream scones. How does that sound?

I hope you get some good rest tonight knowing you have devised a plan, even if it changes. Peace.

Ilovemysonjj

Just saying how much I love all of the Posse. We sure need each others words of strength and support. Hugs TJP and everyone walking today.
Lifting my iced tea and chocolate chip cookies in a toast to you all.

LoveMeNow

(((TJP))) My prayers are with you and asking God to give you the wisdom and peace you need to make this difficult decisions.

PrayingMama

Dear tjp,

Do what you can live with. Take the time you need, seek wise counsel, pray for guidance.

If your son has had a diagnosis of depression (apart from substance abuse), he needs appropriate treatment. He needs to be clean and sober for any psychiatrist to treat the depression, so it sounds as though he needs a program that works with dual diagnosis clients.

As far as bailing him out and footing the bill for a rehab...that falls under the "do what you can live with." I do not know what I would do. It would depend upon many factors. I would ask for divine wisdom, grace to make a wise decision. Sounds so simple. Is so hard.

I pray that God will have mercy on you and your dear son. That He will grant you a clear head and a calm heart. You sound as though you are taking the breathing space you need in this situation, and that is one of the best things you can do for everyone involved.

Blessings to you and peace.

tjp613

((((Hugs)))) to you all. You nailed it, Teresa -- this posse is amazing and such a comfort in these times. It is scary to think where my family would be without the wisdom I've soaked up here at SR. Honestly, I'd probably be in a grave by now if I didn't have a place to come and talk about these things.

I definitely feel more at peace since this morning and I have you all to thank for it. Oddly, I almost needed "permission" to go rescue him if I felt it was right. I expected all sorts of hard tough love messages and was braced for that...but instead I received tons of level-headed ES&H and compassionate understanding. This helped me so much to come to what I feel like is a good compromise. Thank you all for being here.

We live in Texas and I have -zero- experience with the level of medical care here in the county jails, but that's about to change! I imagine that it won't be ideal, but won't be total disregard either. I will do all I can to advocate on his behalf...and that's all I am willing to do for now. Thanks especially to Amy for reminding me that the pain of incarceration is a keen motivator. I am forever grateful for your presence here, sweetie. Thank you so, so much.

I went out for a very nice meal tonight... seafood gumbo, ceviche salad, and warm bread pudding for dessert. Nothing like carbs and fat to divert one's attention for awhile.

Love you all. ((((Hugs))))

EJG123

TJP- My AD got meds in jail to help with her anxiety, depression, and withdrawal. She got through the detox ordeal but she did not really normalize until she'd been imprisoned 2-3 months. I'll be praying that things work out for you and your son.

tjp613

Well, his 'girlfriend' bailed him out. She and I had agreed that it was best for him to stay in jail for now but she went to visit him yesterday...and said that "the guards were so mean to him" that she just couldn't bear it. Just went across the street and posted the bond. So.......now if he doesn't show up for court, or doesn't check in with the bondsman....they will be coming after her for the $3,000! That's a lot of responsibility, probably more than she realizes. They already have one "emergency" to deal with since they failed to listen to all the instructions of the bondsman and now have to run back into town (45 miles). Kinda hard to do when you have no car and no money.

He's in a sober house (that she arranged for him) and he says he's gonna check into rehab or Salvation Army in the next few days.

Oy.

LoveMeNow

awww tjp! Oy is right!!

I don't know what else to say!

tjp613

Not sure why I think this is actually funny, but my son was arrested for shoplifting yesterday and is now in the same jail he just got out of 2 days ago. I suspect that the GF who was supposedly in recovery has relapsed and went to bail him out so she'd have her buddy to run with. Who the hell knows. Anyway, I'm bowing out of this drama for a good long while. I'm dizzy. LOL

Ann

Sending mama sized hugs, TJP, because having a front row seat to the drama of addiction is the worst seat in the house.

Time to leave the theatre, he's got it all figured out right now and it's very nice that he showed you just how ready he wasn't. Jail just may help him more than all "our" plans rolled together.

Let's you and I and the posse and all our supporters here, just go up the street and grab ourselves some cheesecake. It's time to spoil ourselves rotten and let our kids figure this out for themselves.

More hugs and a box of forks (for sharing the cheesecake).

dollydo

Sometimes the best thing to do is.... nothing. The HP seems know exactly what is best to do, even if we don't.

tjp613

Thanks, Ann. Yeah, he actually did me a favor. I feel completely released from all parental 'obligation' at this point in time. No plans to load up his commissary account nor do I have any need or desire to talk to him. I feel free. Maybe that's why I'm so giddy.

Isn't that the truth?! I take great comfort in knowing that HP thinks the same way I do: that jail is where he needs to be right now.

God is good -- all the time.

SundaysChild

I found that my higher power keeps hitting me over the head with the same scenario over and over again until it finally sinks in.

Hopefully this shoplifting arrest is the one that will let your son realize that he has put himself in this position - and he is ready to get himself out of it. But, if it doesn't - at least he's safe in jail again.

cece1960

Awe TJP...I guess some of your questions were answered. Time to take a breather and let life happen for a spell. Perhaps his HP feels he needed a little more time to think? He may not be comfy, but he's safer than being out.

I can't tell you the countless times I tried to spin my son's earth. It never worked out for me.

I hope you can get some rest and spend some time on you.
(((Hugs)))

PrayingMama

God is so obviously at work in your son's life that, if you can, take a long, sweet rest from worrying right now.

If we lived close, I'd be bringing the cheesecake over...(as would all the other Posse Moms--what a feast/party that would be!)

Blessings, peace, rest.

Ilovemysonjj

TJP, I so understand this insanity you are dealing with. So he is back in jail? i guess that is where he was supposed to stay and HP circumvented the girlfriends plans.
Anyway, let him be for now. You are no longer held hostage by the bad choices (nor am I) that our sons are perpetually making.
Hugs and have a good day!
Teresa

outtolunch

I think he is so desperate for heroin that he's beyond depressed.

GardenMama

"Not sure why I think this is actually funny, but my son was arrested for shoplifting yesterday and is now in the same jail he just got out of 2 days ago."

It wasn't hard for me to see how that was kind of funny and familiar, sad and expected in some ways! People often comment that even in the worst of times, I can smile at what is going on. So, I get the humor in it, dark as it is. And what also makes me smile is how often I have ruminated over some kind of "fix" for my daughter that almost always never worked the way I'd imagined! That is what I am learning here in my recovery.

I do hope you are able to put yourself in a Worry-Free Zone, dear TJP. I like the cruise idea...when can we leave?

Hugs & peace.

LoveMeNow

((tjp )))

When your son got bailed out - did he still want to go to a rehab?

Also, when you do talk to your son again, please remind him that God is not only a very loving God, but he also has a great sense of humor !!

Keep smiling tjp and take comfort that God has this!!