Learn2Live

I agree about either printing or forwarding those emails to yourself, for future child custody and visitation safety issues, to show the court when the time comes.

lesliej

if she forwards them he will see that she did so...

not that I suggest staying attached, but your access to his emails is something you may be able to use as burden of proof...but if he knows you still have access that won't happen

perhaps way unethical, perhaps totally codie...don't know, but perhaps evidence...any oldtimers have an opinion on that one?

Miller05

i think he has forgotten that i have access. i cant imagine him being okay with me seeing these emails. i could go into the account late at night...forward them myself...and then "delete forever" the email i sent to myself.

but you do have a good point...i am not sure if i want to continue to stay..."attached." i think i will stop going in his email...i dont need the emotional hassle, you know? it will only upset me...thinking...what is he doing? who is he with? is he doing drugs...cheating? i need to detach from him completly...and try to take on the attitude that dont care what he is doing right now.

you know?

my anger subsided a bit today...i mean...i am still very upset...but the rage has toned down. who knows what tomorrow will bring? taking it minute by minute.

suki44883

Having a little backup, just in case, never hurts. After all, at some point, there will be a divorce and then child custody issues might occur. It's amazing how paternal they get once they feel threatened. Having a little evidence on your side could come in very handy at that point, IF you can be methodical about it and not let it upset you too much.

You don't have to do it often...just maybe once every few weeks to establish a pattern of how he lives.

FindingErica

Miller05, I respect your honesty, anger and all. Yes, your feelings are valid. It takes awhile to sort life out. That is where I am at. Sometimes I remind myself that life is good and screw the bills and everything else, and just have a little fun with the kids. Life is more than obligations and addicts. Focus on something that reminds you life is good even for an hour. I think it is good that you are feeling your feelings and sorting them out in writing.

Chris999

My BF is 42 and he is also trying to act like he is in his early 20s. What is with these guys? I think drugs freeze emotional development.

The best thing to do is if you recognize someone who has this problem, DON'T try to have an adult life with them. If you made the mistake of doing that, don't expect them to ever "become adult". That will happen IF they stop using AND get counseling. Which we all know happens only in the minority of cases.

Mine stopped using but has resisted getting counseling and treatment, so he is STILL stuck as a 40-something teenager.

Miller05

oh my god...this is the crazy email that i received from my husband last night at 11pm. he sounds paranoid and high to me.

Here it is...

Taking a chance by contacting you....Please dont set me up to go to jail again . I have paid that debt to society for what I did. You have won!!!!!! I am suspicious you would call cops . Everyone says you want me back in jail. So I am taking a big risk... I am nervous about contacting you. Just be cool and dont call the cops. I will not come near you.......I just need to get my mail Please dont call the cops!!!!!! I need my mail and I would like to see my son. Withholding himn from seeing me is very evil and it hurts chris too. I should be able to get him from a neutral spot for the day....I am still his Dad and dont deserve this. chris needs me too. Making contact is scary. Please respond like I am his Dad. I also need all my mail until I change addresses. These request would be greatly appreciated as I have to adjust on the fly and I hope in my heart you are not that evil....Thanks

i have not responded yet. my position is this...he cannot take my son anywhere while he is active in his addiction. he can come and visit the baby at the house for a scheduled, supervised visit...but the baby goes nowhere with him. i will also have my uncles here with me if he chooses to come and see the baby.

changeschoices

I think he's just trying to suck you in. It takes two seconds to change an address. I would bundle all his mail together and stick it back in the mailbox with a note that says "No longer at this address". They'll stop delivering it.

If he wants to see his child, he can go before a judge and work it out.

I get the whole "If you loved me once...if you are a good person...you would let me get away with X,Y, and Z" nonsense from my AX. It's a set up: if you do what they want, you are a good person, if you don't, you are "evil". Yeah, right.

candi7

We all need to vent! Good for you! Hope you have a better day!

Miller05

I responded to him and told him this that he can visit our son at my home. I also set these boundsries below to him:

1. I will no allow baby to go anywhere with you while you are active in your cocaine addiction.

2. I will not allow baby to go anywhere with you while active in your drug addictions and not in rehab.

3. I will not allow baby to go with anyone selling drugs, associating with people who use drugs, or who associates with people also selling drugs.

Those are my boundaries.