No Contact
 

hi everyone...since my first post...i have had no contact with my husband. as you know, i packed his bags after he got out of jail, and put him out of this house. i know i made the right decision....but i can be honest with my friends here...it hurts. he is dead wrong for all of the things he has done...but it still hurts, you know?

here are some of the things i have done to move on with my life...i know i am in denial...and still struggling with accepting all of this...but in the meantime...i know i need to use my HEAD like one of the wise SRers told me when i first joined.

for my own sanity, safety, and protection of my child, here is what i have done:

1. packed his things and told him it was over, he had to move out.
2. took care of all financial matters.
3. keeping the restraining order in place. on a weak moment, i actually thought about lifting it so that we "could talk." it was only for a moment.
4. his brother and aunt tried to contact me to discuss visitation about our son, on his behalf. i informed his family that any discussions related to my son would be done between me and my husband. i want to keep his family out of our business...they are toxic. and the third party communication with them is not a good idea...things always get lost in translation.
5. i enrolled my son in swim lessons for mommy and me.
6. i am attending the nar anon meetings.
7. i have set clear boundaries for myself....rather than threats or ultimatums for him. those boundaries are..."i will not be in a marriage with someone who is active in addiction, and not in rehab." "i will not allow drugs or alchohol to be around my child." "i will not be in a marriage that is not transparent."
8. i will not allow my husband to see my son unless he goes to rehab. if that is a problem, we can go to court.
9. LEAVE HIM ALONE. dont call him, email him, text him...nothing...stay away from the situation altogether. there is nothing i can do to help him. leave it alone.
10. seeing a therapist weekly.

any other suggestions on what else i can do?
the pain is gut wrenching...and my list might sound like i am strong...but really i am not.

:hug: The deffinition of "Strong" depends on who you talk too. And by everything I see that you have done and are doing to protect yourself and your son, you are strong. :hug:

My best advice, surround yourself with people who support your decision and have you and your sons best interest in mind. This board is a great place for that from what I've seen :ring

I would highly recommend Co-Dependent No More and the Dance of Anger.