lost0311

So.... my AHR came back as I have said from a non existant job. His mom swears he is still clean and it appears he is, cuz he is an a**hole. He kept the kids at his moms Sunday and Monday night. I have been trying to work the steps of recovery (al-anon) and did really good until Tuesday (today). Im at work and all I can think of is... what if he tries to keep the kids from me, what if he skipped town, or worse what if he relapsed, my kids are in danger AAAAHHHH. So I made an excuse to my boss and left 2 hours early cuz the panic attack was too much to bare. I got to his moms where the kids were happily playing with there cousins while AHR watched TV (all he did for the last 2 years). I asked him nicely to look at the chart I had made up for custody for the holidays. Without even looking at it he says NO! So I asked him again, are we doing the dissolution or divorce. He said dissolution. So I continued to try and work out child support arrangements and such. We of course did not agree. He says then lets get lawyers. I told him if we get into a custody war than he is not going to see the kids until its over. He flips out.... of course he does..... Now I can't stop worrying about what if. I know there is nothing I can do to change what might happen, but Im worried he will come take the kids while Im at work, cuz I don't have anything in place right now to stop him. He has been sober for 40 or 50 days now. An all time record. I'm suppose to accept what I can't change, but I'm so worried about my babies!!!! I just want them to be safe.