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He's officially in jail on a controlled substance charge and DUI.

Old 08-20-2012, 06:40 PM
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Lightbulb He's officially in jail on a controlled substance charge and DUI.

You think I'd be sad about it but I'm honestly so happy. I've been praying for him to get pulled over or caught doing what he was doing for weeks now.

I feel like I can finally sleep at night. It's really weird though. I can't seem to tell if he really means it when he says "i ******* hate heroin i never want to touch that **** again, it ruined my life, its so ******* disgusting." The conversation we had made me tear up. I wonder if he really does want to change his life? He always tells me how much he hates heroin and wishes he could stop. Maybe he just is afraid? Before we ended the conversation, he told me how much he loves me when he is sober. He started getting choked up and said "i don't want to talk about it too much because you can't cry in jail...but I can't even begin to explain how in love with you I am and how lucky I am to have you in my life. I know I'm going to lose you if I keep doing heroin and I can't even think about it, honestly." He also told me that he would wake up in a room with his using friend, Michael, and be like.. "what the hell?? Why is he here, this is so wrong.." I guess it wasn't enough guilt to make him stop doing what he was doing though.

Sounds like he means it now... But will he mean it in six months? Probably not. His family and I are hoping that with his TASC court that he is on now, he will get court ordered to a 90-180 day treatment program. Even if he hates it at first though, he'll have to stay and face himself for an extended period of time. He'll have to learn the coping mechanisms and be forced to change.

All I can say is that I'm so glad. I can finally sleep at night again knowing he isn't out doing God knows what and possibly overdosing on heroin.

I finally was able to let go and let God and he really did a great thing for everyones lives and peace of mind.

I wish I never fell in love with a heroin addict.
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Old 08-20-2012, 06:53 PM
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((khoye)) - People here definitely understand the relief when our addict (A) loved ones are locked up. We know where they are. As both an RA (recovering addict) AND a loved one of A's, I see both sides.

Does he mean what he says? I can only tell you my experience. Yes, while I was in jail I was totally disgusted with my lifestyle and the consequences. When I got out? Straight back to the 'hood and crack. My XABF#3 was the same way.

It took me a few jail stents, a good bit of clean time then a relapse and my family saying, "that's it...we're done". I was on probation..violation meant prison and my dad threatened to call my PO. At the same time, I was finding that I just couldn't GET high enough to undo the bit of progress I'd made. I chose recovery.

I strongly suggest you go by actions rather than words. It's easy to "hate the drugs and lifestyle" when you're behind bars and being told what to do. It's not so easy when you get back out and have freedom. Only if he truly wants recovery, will he find it.

Keep reading here, maybe go to an al-anon meeting, and take a lot of deep breaths. I got to where I couldn't believe a word my ex said in jail after other times of putting money on his books, sending him supportive letters, etc. He didn't want recovery. Even though we shared the same addiction, there was nothing I could do to make him want recovery.

I clung close to SR during this time, and it helped a lot. I found out I wasn't alone (and neither are you) and I've learned about taking care of ME. I still slip and slide back into codie-land, but I don't stay there long.

Whether he truly wants recovery and is willing to do the work involved? Totally up to him.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 08-20-2012, 07:02 PM
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I can't seem to tell if he really means it when he says "i ******* hate heroin i never want to touch that **** again, it ruined my life, its so ******* disgusting." The conversation we had made me tear up. I wonder if he really does want to change his life? He always tells me how much he hates heroin and wishes he could stop. Maybe he just is afraid?
Maybe he does mean it. Maybe he's full of it. But what I do know is what he says really is irrelevant. It's going to be his actions over time that matter.

Impurrfect's response to your post hits the nail squarely on the head, in my view. And now, it's time you take care of you. You've let go of trying to impact him, he's in the hands of God now, and now you need to heal. I encourage you to find a local Al Anon/Nar Anon meeting, share your experiences, and allow others to comfort you. Go in with your mind, ears and eyes open. You can, and will, get through this...so long as you put your recovery first.

Best,
ZoSo
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Old 08-20-2012, 07:12 PM
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My son got two DUI's and was ordered to rehab after the second one. It was a huge blessing.

I really do believe my son wanted to stop using drugs even before his DUI's. Life had gotten really unmanageable. Wanting to stop and stopping is two different things. The court ordered rehab was the beginning of the turn around for him. It hasn't been without bumps in the road--a couple relapses in the first year after rehab--but he seems to be doing really well now. He is in his second year of recovery now.
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Old 08-20-2012, 07:15 PM
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Wow Kmangel, that's really inspiring and it gives me a lot of hope. I really wish the best for your son and that's awesome that he has 2 years sober. Very inspiring. I guess they really do have to hit rock bottom.

But yeah, AB has had a few run-ins with the law actually.

He is currently on probation in another county, too. So we'll have to see what happens all I know is that I'm not going to get too involved at all. This is his mess he made and he has to clean it up.
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Old 08-20-2012, 07:28 PM
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He's working on his second year out of rehab, but not all the time sober. He did have a couple relapses. That's to be expected. He fell off the wagon a week or so both times--but not with heroin. One doesn't just leave all the bad years behind after rehab. There can still be those bumps in the road that I mentioned. Yet, he seems to have learned some lessons along the way that those relapses taught him.

I'm cautiously optimistic. I hope he will beat this demon called addiction, and I must also guard my heart against whatever the future holds.
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Old 08-20-2012, 10:34 PM
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Yeah. My AB always tells me that relapse is part of recovery. You learn from yourself when you slip up. I guess I don't fully understand that because you do hear of the people that quit and never touch the **** again.

I wish the best for your son and you. Stay strong! You should read Beautiful Boy by David Sheff.
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Old 08-21-2012, 06:41 AM
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Originally Posted by khoye View Post

His family and I are hoping that with his TASC court that he is on now, he will get court ordered to a 90-180 day treatment program. Even if he hates it at first though, he'll have to stay and face himself for an extended period of time. He'll have to learn the coping mechanisms and be forced to change.
Nothing could be further from the thruth. The treatment program is an opportunity to learn and change. He will not however, HAVE to learn anything or be FORCED to change anything. Some people take advantage of the opportunity and some of them continue to apply what they have learned once they are back in the real world. Others use the opportunity to expand their base of connections and relapse once they are out and about.

While he is in treatment do you plan to seek help for yourself?
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Old 08-21-2012, 06:43 AM
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Originally Posted by khoye View Post

My AB always tells me that relapse is part of recovery.
Relapse is a part of addiction, not recovery.
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Old 08-21-2012, 06:23 PM
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"He'll have to learn the coping mechanisms and be forced to change."

Where in the world did you get that from? There is no forcing recovery.

Might be time for you to work on you...your recovery from codependency and learn about addiction...addiction has tenacles that reach far and wide and effect everyone it comes into contact with...you are no exception.
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Old 08-23-2012, 02:59 PM
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He probably is genuine about hating heroin. During my addiction, i hated drugs and alcohol, but that didn't stop me taking them. I despised the alcohol i was pouring down my neck everyday for years before i got sober. It sounds totally nonsensical but it is the truth.

I'm sure that doesn't give you any peace of mind, but you and your AH are in my thoughts and prayers. Recovery from addiction happens every day in every country in the world. Even in seemingly the most unlikely of situations. I pray that your AH will come into recovery and your family will be granted some peace. Stay strong. x
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