Anger is eating me alive

Old 08-17-2012, 05:57 AM
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Angry Anger is eating me alive

I don't know how I ended back at the anger stage but I am so damn angry.
I guess I am mean as well I want him to hurt like I am but I know that isn't gonna happen.(I don't want anything bad such as death just hurt emotionally)

he can't hurt emotionally he is too drugged up pisses me off. This morning he is all I love you yeah right ok whatever ... I don't even want to hear the words I use to love hearing.

He is not high that I can tell today but will be after work if I know him after all it is payday. He is my transportation to my gf house I will drive there and him back alone but I dread that drive 120 miles with me and him in the same car OMG, I have looked for other options and have none except for not going and that is not an option for me,

I know I am powerless, I know my life has become unmanageable, I believe God can restore my sanity so why am I so mad...

Thanks for letting me vent.
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Old 08-17-2012, 06:05 AM
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I read that Moving through the stages of grief is more like a winding mountain road then a straight path. You will circle back through each one again, but as time passes, there will be more time between the stages. Anger is one of the stages of grief and it is normal.
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Old 08-17-2012, 06:27 AM
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I was angery too, took some time for me to realize that the person I was really angery at was... me...what a dumb azz I had been...he didn't do this to me...I did it to me.

This stage will pass, be patient, in the meatime keep busy!
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Old 08-17-2012, 06:28 AM
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I feel ya and you go ahead and vent away. I am in this stage too. I've spent the past few months being sick and worrying and dealing with anxiety over this and you know what....I'm so over it. Most days I just do my own thing and let him do his. I don't really bother with him anymore. However, being a non addict, it is hard not to get angry with how they are and not want them to feel the same pain. I wish for my to feel the same pain (emotionally too) but I just try to keep beating into my head he never will. Honestly every day with him anymore is just like beating my head continuously against a wall. Nothing seems to change. I'm working out a plan to get away from my AF. I think there is only maybe a small sliver inside me that loves him anymore and I just want to move on with my life. So sick and tired of being sick and tired and at this point angry too. Just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel and hang in there...we'll make it!
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Old 08-17-2012, 06:59 AM
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I am just coming out of an anger period that was making me not only crazy, but also really unpleasant to be around. It seems to have changed into a sort of acceptance that I allowed myself to be treated the way that I was treated, and it's unfortunate that I did that - but it's also good that I did that - because that means that from now on I can STOP doing that. I have the power. Before, I didn't have any power at all, and now it's all mine.

Sometimes the path twists back, the feelings resurface, but it's easier and easier to realize my true direction now. You'll get through this. And on the other side of this mountain, you will be a stronger woman than you ever thought possible.
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Old 08-17-2012, 10:49 AM
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Originally Posted by dollydo View Post
I was angery too, took some time for me to realize that the person I was really angery at was... me...what a dumb azz I had been...he didn't do this to me...I did it to me.

This stage will pass, be patient, in the meatime keep busy!
This was an interesting thought. I am angry over some things I did. But I'm also angry at him. When we married he was not doing drugs and over the following 14 years, he was clean. He really started slowly falling apart and becoming distant over the past 5 years and I did everything I could by going to school and establishing my kids to safeguard us in case I ever did need to leave or he left us. So I'm angry that I didn't really see how bad things had gotten sooner than I did. I'm angry with myself for the money I gave him that time. But mostly I am proud of myself that I rebounded as well as I did from the shock. But that makes me feel guilty at times for not going out there. In my mind this is mostly his fault, he threw his family away and I was left to pick up the pieces; could have happened to someone who didn't have a Codie bone in their body too. Sometimes people just change.
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Old 08-17-2012, 01:15 PM
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This too shall pass.....it does seem to be a bit cyclical. Anger, sadness, resentment......eventually it feels so much better to release those feelings and stop cycling through them as often.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 08-17-2012, 03:48 PM
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You can't fight anger with anger. Nor can you fight hate with hate.

You can only fight those with love.
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Old 08-17-2012, 07:33 PM
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Angie......vent away!

That's HALF of what SR is for.

I always try to find analogies for things---it helps me think.
Normies and addicts are NEVER going to get along,unless someone
capitulates.
(any chance it could ever be the addict!?!?No way in he77!!!!!)

Pounding sand.That's always a good one.It absorbs your energy,
exhausts you,and accomplishes nothing.
In fact--- it's probably the BEST simple analogy for dealing with
addiction----and why I couldn't do it any more.
I think about going up & down the beach,dissipating my energy,
POUNDING SAND.Getting nowhere.Accomplishing nothing.After a day/month/
year of that .....you are just a day/month/year older with nothing to show for
it.Even the ridiculous 'divots' in the sand wash away with the tide every few hours.
Meanwhile,you see others around you using their sledges to pound stakes,
do productive work,building stuff.Just as tired as you and I at the end of the day but
with one huge difference....

(something to show for it)

I busted my tail for an oxy/perc addict.Nothing worked.Nothing helped.She found
an equilibrium a half inch above rock bottom----kept off the street by other addicts who
enjoy having her as a live-in slave.......completely powerless.

The time came for me to accept her life choice---and separate my life from it.
Truth is,it hurt,and probably will for awhile.But in time,the hurt will fade.....and life will
go on.

What I won't miss is that dull thud of wasted energy as sledge meets sand....the
sound of my care,resources,and goodwill being dissipated to the wind.I felt
sadness,disappointment,suffering,dashed hopes,and futility.

She felt ........nothing.

No one reading these words on SR is immortal.All of our lives are
finite.My takeaway from this course of study is to let the WAVES do the pounding of
sand on the shore.....

..I've got better things to do.
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