Lara

Hi YearForMe.... this is just it. I joined SR after realising I was not managing with H in my life... he was infecting me and affecting me too much. He had been almost a year into recovery and then all the wheels came off. We have been close friends for over 15 years and then involved intimately. I realised I needed help to cope. Thus joining SR. Through SR everyone tells me to detach and walk away. I am detaching. And have removed myself whilst his behaviour has been 'not good'. This is a first for me. So I believe I am getting there - developing a healthy attitude - dealing with my co-dependency.
BUT I still love H. Always will. But not in the way as before - where I would get lost in his addiction. I am very close to him - probably know him better than anyone else (as much as anyone could know an addict) - more accurately have been the closest 'witness' to his life..... therefore appropriate I fill out the forms. Yes, I do want to see him healthy - in recovery - and if I can assist - in a healthy way - I want to.

I find sometimes on SR there are conflicting ideas and emotions. I believe I can fill out the forms - love in a detached way - but so many here say - that this is not possible.
When I think about H now - and pray for his recovery - I don't have the same emotion as before. There is no other thought to it... no thought for instance, 'I pray for H's recovery so this and this and that will happen....' . THe difference now, is that I can pray for the NOW - but with no thought of the future. In that way he is no longer part of my future! Does that make any sense? I take one day at a time. I plan my future with ME in it and my SON - not H anymore. But that doesn't mean I don't still love him and pray for him. But I will no longer dance to his tune. Move in his 'circle'.

Lara

On a light note - I LOVE Elvis!!!!!!!

Lara

Thank you SundaysChild.... and this is the challenge for me too - right now it all makes sense - not wanting to be a part of his life even in recovery - after rehab whatever..... I feel strongly about that now. But need to keep in my own therapy - to be prepared when this 'chapter' is over....so many years of friendship etc.... so many memories... really need to keep strong!

laurie6781

I was in a recovery home for alcoholic women for 90+ days. The house mother did contact my family asking for something similar to what you are talking about.

NOT ONE OF THEM responded. Like Freedom said, that sent me the most POWERFUL message, actually THE MOST POWERFUL that I had ever gotten. I finally KNEW not only how much I had hurt them, but that this adventure (finding recovery) was ALL ON ME.

You will do what you will do, but I hear in your reasons for going ahead and filling out this form, that you have NOT walked away and that you still want to be a part of his life. My family STARTED to come back into my life when I hit about 3 years sober, and not before.

So do what you will do, I will say some prayers that you do NOT get sucked back in further than you are now.

Love and hugs,

BeavsDad

That "involved intimatley" part screws up the friendship part.

Seems a little more time and space might be warranted to have that detachment truly set in, but who's to say how much time?