Nephews are in alcoholic/addict home. How can I help?
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 2
Nephews are in alcoholic/addict home. How can I help?
I love my nephews dearly, and I can't sit idly by knowing what is happening in their home.
I grew up in an addicted household. And as you all know, many things come with it. Neglect, emotional and physical abuse, rages, fights, hunger, and repressed emotions. We never talked about it - and I always questioned whether I was making a big deal of everything since everyone never talked about anything - not even between us siblings. There is so much more to this story, and all I can say is that my world has crashed back down since my dad's latest relapse has been revealed. Ask mom about her own counseling for codependency? 'I already know all that, so I don't need to go.'
So, when my sister was a teen she started having sex for alcohol and drugs then ran away from home and got pregnant. I loved her so much. My parents refused to let me see her, ever - they never let me see anyone. More than anything, I was furious that she had left me behind.
My second nephew was born with drugs in his system. I know she is still drinking and doing drugs. The kids are dirty and smelly. One is becoming severely overweight and now that she works at a fast food joint, she relies on this as their main source of food (it's free). One nephew's glasses are bent and broken, crooked on his face but he still wears them. They remind me of myself at that age - sent to school with knotted hair, dirty clothes, stinky and with one lens missing from my broken, bent glasses.
My mom enables her by giving her money and they do everything together, from dyeing each others hair to running errands. She needs my mom - so they have a great relationship. My mom responds with apathy to any of my achievements, or acts like she didn't hear me say anything.
What makes me most angry are all the family members who turned a blind eye to us kids. They knew what was happening, but everyone distanced themselves from our dysfunctional family. But what about those who didn't have a choice that reap the consequences?
I want my nephews to KNOW that I KNOW AND UNDERSTAND what they're going through - and if it were up to me I would raise them and give them a proper life. I don't want their lives ruined because of addictions that have ran so far our bloodline. What can I do for them? I live 150 miles away, what can I do? I love my sister - but her decisions are hers, these boys have no choice in their own lives, one being 5 and the other 10. What can I do for THEM?
I grew up in an addicted household. And as you all know, many things come with it. Neglect, emotional and physical abuse, rages, fights, hunger, and repressed emotions. We never talked about it - and I always questioned whether I was making a big deal of everything since everyone never talked about anything - not even between us siblings. There is so much more to this story, and all I can say is that my world has crashed back down since my dad's latest relapse has been revealed. Ask mom about her own counseling for codependency? 'I already know all that, so I don't need to go.'
So, when my sister was a teen she started having sex for alcohol and drugs then ran away from home and got pregnant. I loved her so much. My parents refused to let me see her, ever - they never let me see anyone. More than anything, I was furious that she had left me behind.
My second nephew was born with drugs in his system. I know she is still drinking and doing drugs. The kids are dirty and smelly. One is becoming severely overweight and now that she works at a fast food joint, she relies on this as their main source of food (it's free). One nephew's glasses are bent and broken, crooked on his face but he still wears them. They remind me of myself at that age - sent to school with knotted hair, dirty clothes, stinky and with one lens missing from my broken, bent glasses.
My mom enables her by giving her money and they do everything together, from dyeing each others hair to running errands. She needs my mom - so they have a great relationship. My mom responds with apathy to any of my achievements, or acts like she didn't hear me say anything.
What makes me most angry are all the family members who turned a blind eye to us kids. They knew what was happening, but everyone distanced themselves from our dysfunctional family. But what about those who didn't have a choice that reap the consequences?
I want my nephews to KNOW that I KNOW AND UNDERSTAND what they're going through - and if it were up to me I would raise them and give them a proper life. I don't want their lives ruined because of addictions that have ran so far our bloodline. What can I do for them? I live 150 miles away, what can I do? I love my sister - but her decisions are hers, these boys have no choice in their own lives, one being 5 and the other 10. What can I do for THEM?
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Calling CPS is always a good idea when abuse is suspected. Having said this, most boys this age are dirty and smelly. Fat is an epidemic. Broken glasses are common in all children who wear glasses.
Should CPS remove all chubby, dirty kids from their home?
Have you considered your reactions to your own childhood situation may not be the way these boys are reacting to their own situation? In other words, I am getting a sense that you are projecting some of your own unresolved childhood issues on them. Does it make any sense to seek professional counseling and heal yourself before trying to heal kids who may or may not need it.
Is there more to this story? How do you know, given the distance between you and them?
Should CPS remove all chubby, dirty kids from their home?
Have you considered your reactions to your own childhood situation may not be the way these boys are reacting to their own situation? In other words, I am getting a sense that you are projecting some of your own unresolved childhood issues on them. Does it make any sense to seek professional counseling and heal yourself before trying to heal kids who may or may not need it.
Is there more to this story? How do you know, given the distance between you and them?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by outtolunch 
Calling CPS is always a good idea when abuse is suspected. Having said this, most boys this age are dirty and smelly. Fat is an epidemic. Broken glasses are common in all children who wear glasses.
Should CPS remove all chubby, dirty kids from their home?
Have you considered your reactions to your own childhood situation may not be the way these boys are reacting to their own situation? In other words, I am getting a sense that you are projecting some of your own unresolved childhood issues on them. Does it make any sense to seek professional counseling and heal yourself before trying to heal kids who may or may not need it.
Is there more to this story? How do you know, given the distance between you and them?
Should CPS remove all chubby, dirty kids from their home?
Have you considered your reactions to your own childhood situation may not be the way these boys are reacting to their own situation? In other words, I am getting a sense that you are projecting some of your own unresolved childhood issues on them. Does it make any sense to seek professional counseling and heal yourself before trying to heal kids who may or may not need it.
Is there more to this story? How do you know, given the distance between you and them?
I should've been concerned when at the top of the forum was a thread about newbies being taken aback by negativity here. Goodbye, soberrecovery.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: midwest
Posts: 33
Xmaslights~
I wouldn't let one person's comment make you decide to leave Sober Recovery altogether. I have received one or two comments to my story that left me wondering "REALLY? what is wrong with this person??", but I have received MANY helpful, supportive, much needed replies as well.
Sometimes we need to hear things we don't really want to hear and sometimes newbies might be surprised by some of the brutal honesty on here. But most of the people on here are speaking with much wisdom and experience and they do have the best intentions in helping others on this painful path of addiction. We can all learn much from each other.
That being said, I admire you very much for being so concerned with your nephews. Any child who has a parent in active addiction needs help.
You are wise to recognize this.
I wouldn't let one person's comment make you decide to leave Sober Recovery altogether. I have received one or two comments to my story that left me wondering "REALLY? what is wrong with this person??", but I have received MANY helpful, supportive, much needed replies as well.
Sometimes we need to hear things we don't really want to hear and sometimes newbies might be surprised by some of the brutal honesty on here. But most of the people on here are speaking with much wisdom and experience and they do have the best intentions in helping others on this painful path of addiction. We can all learn much from each other.
That being said, I admire you very much for being so concerned with your nephews. Any child who has a parent in active addiction needs help.
You are wise to recognize this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Sadly, the number of infants born addicted to drugs is substantial. One woman in Tulsa has given birth to 7 infants addicted to drugs. The protocol is to put such infants on Methadone. Rarely is the child permanently removed from the mother's home, despite the ongoing risks.
Your youngest nephew is now 5 years old.
Nothing precludes you from contacting CPS and asking them to investigate the current situation.
Nothing precludes you from seeking professional help for yourself to heal your own childhood wounds.
Your youngest nephew is now 5 years old.
Nothing precludes you from contacting CPS and asking them to investigate the current situation.
Nothing precludes you from seeking professional help for yourself to heal your own childhood wounds.
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