Faithlove

My AH currently has supervised visits with our kids, ages 2 and 4. He's been on methadone for 2 weeks. He wants me to think about letting him have unsupervised visits. I'm really not comfortable with this but I also have no experience with methadone. Also, should he be driving with the kids (and the other adult supervisor)? I don't think he should....especially since I found out that if someone is pulled over after leaving the methadone clinic, they can get a DUI. If that's the case, they certainly should not be driving kids around.
I appreciate comments both for and against supervised visits in this situation. I'm leaning towards keeping them supervised for a few months but I just don't know if I'm being "fair" or "unreasonable."

crazybabie

IMO, 2 weeks is not long if it were my kids I would want supervised for a longer period of time.

suki44883

As I said on your other thread...These are your children. Do whatever you feel is necessary to ensure their safety. Don't worry about whether or not it is "fair." If you keep the safety and happiness of your children first, you cannot be wrong.

interrupted

I'm not well-versed at all on what effect methadone has on someone, so I can't speak to that part of your question, but two weeks is still very early in recovery, and I would not allow unsupervised visits with someone in early recovery.

I think it's completely fair to continue with the supervised visits until he's much further along in recovery. But it doesn't really matter if it's fair or not - your children come first.

Ann

I would consider it at maybe 6 months, with no bleeps on the radar in between.

The safety of your children must come first. If HE cannot understand that, then he is not even close to being ready to be responsible.

Good luck.

Hugs

FindingErica

Once you give up supervised it will be harder to go back. I think it is too soon.

I'm facing this now. I have to call my lawyer tomorrow because AH wrote me and said he wants to fly here in sept and take the kids to a local theme park. Since he wasn't here, I haven't been sweating it, now I am scared, don't know what to do or say.

story74

Nope. Don't do it. Go with your gut and don't listen to a word he says. If he were sober and in recovery he would be bending over backwards and trying to prove trust. He would do anything and everything you requested and not push it. Its about power and humilation. I read somewhere that supervised vists are very humilating for the other parent. But, I have no empathy for this if they are usng or u7sing is in question. NOTHING and I mean NOTHING comes before my kid.

story74

Ps...watch them carefully. All actions are selfish. In reality, they could careless about the child's well being.

laurie6781

Stick with the supervised.

If it were me, I would not even 'consider' unsupervised until he was clean and sober and OFF methadone for at least a year.

I am not a fan of methadone as you can probably tell. lol But truth be told, all those clean and sober A's that I do know over these many years, won't give you a plugged nickel for it either. They have all told me at one time or another it was a 'legal' high and not a very good one at that.

Either way, he would have to be living very steadily, holding down a job, paying his bills and child support, being a responsible member of society for quite a while before I would go unsupervised.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

FenwayFaithful

He wants unsupervised visits after two weeks? Really?

I'd say hell no!

Six months of ZERO issues at least as someone else suggested! These are your children. He doesn't have it together yet. He's on supervised visits for a reason. Until he can prove he's responsible and trustworthy I wouldn't trust him with something as precious are your children.

It only takes a small spark to ignite a fire.

lost0311

My husband was in & out of methodone clinic 3 times. I would not let him have my kids on that stuff. Even regulated they find a way to abuse it & the effects are usually sleep & slurring words & passing out in strange places....like the toilet or in the chair with a lit cigarette. When we moved out of our first apartment together we had to replace the carpet because of all the burn wholes from him passing out. Methadone in my personal opinion is just another drug.

Faithlove

Thank you everyone for getting back to me and jerking me back into reality! I don't know why I still let him mesmerize me with his words.

GardenMama

Just in case you need one more nudge: I visited a methadone clinic with my AD before she went to rehab...you do NOT want your kids around him while he is taking methadone! I am going to be a harda** and say two years clean. They are too small, too vulnerable, and have so little influence in any situation they may find themselves in. Let them get much older and more astute to his behavior before letting them be alone with him. Please. Just my suggestion, though it seems more like a command. I mean well.

GoldfishSyn

I have been facing a lot of similar questions lately with my R?AH. I always find it helpful to consider what's the worst that could happen if you're wrong versus what's the worst that could happen if he's wrong? So if you're wrong and the kids would be safe with unsupervised visits but you force them to have supervised visits anyway, then the kids have missed out on some one on one time with their dad. If he's wrong and the kids would not be safe with unsupervised visits but you allow them, then your kids could be potentially exposed to unsafe behavior or potentially be harmed in an accident. I would definitely stick with the unsupervised visits, like your instincts are telling you, and risk the kids missing one on one time with dad rather than risk their safety.

outtolunch

It's common stuff for those in a Methadone Maintenance Program to use other substances and/or relapse back to their drug of choice.

Is he paying and current with child support?

Faithlove

Yes, he's paying child support. I ran a child support worksheet and instead of him paying me cash, the kids and I will live in our home rent free and utility free (because AH pays that).

Faithlove

Thanks again to everyone who's responded to my thread!

After reading your posts and posts from others in a couple other different groups, I'm sticking to my guns and thanks to all of you, I won't feel guilty about it.

I'll fight for him to be supervised until he's been clean and sober from everything, including methadone, for at least a year- without any glitches and with him taking a parenting class or two. Hopefully, the courts will agree with me.