peaceinthepines

Well, after 7 weeks clean from heroin, my son (23) has relapsed. Not sure on what yet, but definitely on something. I know 7 weeks is just a drop in the bucket in the grand scheme of things, but for him it was by FAR the longest he's made it, and he was really doing well. For the first time in nearly two years he was funny again, and insightful, and honest and he talked with hope and it was just GOOD to be around him! I knew he still had a long way to go, but for the first time in forever I had hope, and I found myself relaxing, completely, which was so nice.
He was living near me in my state for the first 5 weeks or so of his sobriety, and then he had to move back to the state he had been living in to take care of a legal issue and chalked up a couple of more weeks there. Earlier this week I talked to him on the phone and immediately knew something was up. Again last night we talked and I could tell he was messed up. An hour later I got a call from his father telling me my son took out his car and apparently ran it into a pole and then bought it home and parked it while his dad was gone. Lied to him and said he didn't drive it, and he wasn't using anything. His dad had him pack his bags and immediately kicked him out.
I will add that his extremely messed up x-girlfriend has just come back into the picture, and this is when all his trouble started back up. She is just as harmful if not more so to him than the drugs, their relationship is the most toxic I've ever seen. I fear together they will meet a terrible end.
I so enjoyed having my son back! It was so good to see the real boy I have loved for 23 years and not the uncaring, lying monster that heroin creates. I am SO sad that he has chose to walk away again. My dark cloud over my head is definitely back!

tjp613

I am SO sorry. I understand and I can safely say I know exactly how you feel.

Y'know....I'm sure he enjoyed those weeks of sobriety and being close to his family again! When my son is using and we keep him at arms length, that is what he hates the most. He REALLY feels the pain of not being able to communicate with his family.

Recovery doesn't happen overnight...you know this. Sometimes it takes several attempts and several relapses. 7 weeks is awesome and he WILL want that back. Let's just pray that it happens quickly...and it very well might.

Wish I could give you a hug and then we could go have a picnic. Wouldn't that be nice?

wittyusername

I am glad that you were able to have your son back momentarily, but I am very sorry that he relapsed. My mother is on crack, and she used to have days when she wouldn't do it, and for those few moments, it was like having the loving mother everyone else seems to have (although I know not everyone has one). Try to keep your head up and know that we all care.

sistergldnhair

I'm so sorry about your son. I have a 26 year old AS whose addicted to heroin as well. I sent him to Florida for treatment 4 years ago, and he's still there. In the past 4 years we have had many relapses and he's got arrested, but he does get a few months clean time in between. He recently began using again and got arrested. Which is why I came right back here to the boards, knowing I could find support here. As I type he is currently looking for a detox bed, I stepped back from his chaos and insanity and he is doing this alone. I told him i will talk to him and love him, but if he wants sobriety and to be clean he has to do the work, all I can do is love him. Your boy will come back. and it might take a few relapses..it does happen, but he knows you love him, and never lose hope.

Freedom1990

I am sorry for your pain. It is a hard thing to have an addicted child, and I have one myself.

I am also a long-term recovering addict/alcoholic (22 years). I can share with you that I originally got clean/sober at the age of 28, and managed to stay that way for 4 years.

However, I stopped doing a lot of the things that had helped me in my recovery, and started doing things I knew I shouldn't be doing. I was involved in a toxic relationship too.

The end result was relapse. My personal experience in having that 4 years prior was that it no longer gave the desired result when I drank/used. I was out there for 2 months. I hit bottom quickly, and am grateful that I did.

I do not recommend relapse to any addict in recovery. Many do not make it back after using again. What I do want to share is that in my case, it took what it took to get me to where I am today. Relapse was not the end for me, but the beginning of total surrender to a higher power, and strengthening my desire to get clean/sober again, and to stay that way.

My higher power never left my side, and that first round of 4 years in recovery changed me profoundly.

Your son's higher power will not leave his side either, hon.

Sending you hugs of support on the Kansas winds!

crazybabie

I am sorry your son relapsed I imagine that has to be very painful for you. I have 2 AS neither have ever been to rehab they just aren't ready yet. I am thankful you did get to have your son sober for a bit hold on to that and keep taking care of you.

oooopps

((peaceinthepines)) Trust that one day your pain will go away. Your son got clean this time for 7 weeks. If HE wants to, he can get clean again for longer. As long as he is living, there is hope. Try your hardest to not let despair get to you. The key to sobriety is in his hands. He just needs to use it.

cangel2

((peaceinthepines)) I just wanted to let you know I am thinking or you and your son! Hopefully he has some tools now to use when he decides to get clean again. My heart goes out to you.......Take care of yourself!

Bazerington

I am so sorry too hear that :-(!!
But it does show that hje can do it!!!!!!!!!!
7 weeks is phenomenal, he has it in him to do this... I wish you hope and happiness. Thinking of you :-)

bookreader

I admit it, I was so envious when you said you had your son back for that brief period. I would give anything to hear my son laugh again. I so want my son back. I haven't been here in some time and it has been a long road. But now, he has been missing since yesterday morning. First time he has completely gone off - no contact with us, girlfriend, anyone. And he is suicidal. I feel there is so little hope....
b.

peaceinthepines

Oh Sober Recovery Family, thank you so much!!
Each one of your responses really mean a lot to me. This site is honestly helped me SO much and I checked in here every day even when he was sober not only to continue to learn, but to check on how everything is going for all of you guys.
tjp613~I sure do wish we could have a picnic, your insightful posts always help me. Actually, I'd love to meet a lot of you guys IRL!
bookreader~ I really hope you hear from your son soon! It's so hard not knowing where they are!
sistergldnhair~ I so badly hope BOTH of our boys get it together soon!
To the rest of you~ thanks again for you care and kindness. Peace to all!

bookreader

Literally minutes after I posted that, my son called and said he had checked himself into hospital for detox. Glimmers of Hope!
And yes, being the mama of an A is very difficult.
b.

snoopy87

Im so glad to hear he is safe and in healthy hands. Im sending prayers your way!

DavinsGrammy

Awwww Peaceinthepines - I am so sorry your son relapsed and I just know your heart is aching.
But like others have said - he does have that 7 weeks sobriety to recall. I pray he misses his sobriety and gets back on the track to recovery soon!
((((Hugs)))) from this mom to you.

zoso77

No mother should ever have to go through something like this. You and your son are in my prayers

ZoSo

outtolunch

Regardless if he checked in or not, it demonstrates he knows what he has to do if he wants to get and stay clean. Nothing else is required of you or his dad.

Learning how to disengage our emotional stability from our adult children's behaviors is a phase of parenthood not limited to addiction.

Could some professional help hurt?

peaceinthepines

Thank you, Zoso!

Outtolunch, I have been going to private counseling specifically to deal with this issue for quite a while now. That and SR have helped a lot. And I was JUST telling his dad (who is not getting any help in dealing with this) about an hour ago that neither one of us can do anything about this. I told him our son knows what he needs to do, and hopefully his recent taste of sobriety will get him back on track sooner this time, but we need to just let him be. I know this.........but it doesn't mean it's easy or that is doesn't hurt!

outtolunch

I know this, too.

The more I focused and obsessed on my daughter and her problems, the less I focused on those things I controlled..my expectations and reactions.

It took me time to accept my hurt was another problem of my own making. My daughter did not use drugs at me. It was not personal or a reflection of me. It just felt that way as long as I allowed it to do so.

SundaysChild

Peaceinthepines, I can empathize with your "dark cloud." Those of us with addict children are never totally free of it - even as we focus on our own lives and our own recovery - they are still our children. If they had cancer in remission, and then it came back, we'd grieve as well....

Here's hoping you can hold onto serenity while he's off doing more field work - and that this relapse is just another step in his journey.

**{Hugs}}

Ilovemysonjj

Dear Peace, I completely understand that joy we get when they come back from the dead (Heroin). My AS relapsed in May but I suspect he had some other relapses since he graduated from the Rehab in February. He is out there since May 15. (22 years old). All I can do is let this run its course. Doing nothing is my option. I pray daily for the return of my beautiful boy BUT I also will not accept the addict back.
I send my thoughts and prayers as do all of us for your peace and your son to remember how good sobriety feels.

Teresa